(no subject)
"hey jarrod
just sayin'...hey!
im online for about 3 seconds so thats all ive time for.
hit me back somehow if i dont get to talk to ya later; god knows what youre getting up to."
Something I was going to send in a PM, but never got to.
Television is deceptive.
I was watching secret life of us just now and the characters shown are meant to be young australian contemporaries shifting their way through modern city life... "the drama about them that's all about you" and all this shit; but really when I watch it, 2 things stick out.
1.It really brings out the conservative in me (didn't even know there WAS one) when everything is sex based - fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck (ADS-food,furniture,flawless skin,phones, more fuck) , fuck fuck fuckin' fuck. Is this really the way they want to so blatantly flog at us, THIS must be your life, or is it all just for the advertising?
And for the first 59 of those 60 FUCKING minutes, nobody was actually in love with anyone else.
Fuck in the context of sex of course.
2.Having said that, That is not grown-up life. It can't be. Thing 1 just FUCKs up the whole scheme of things because The problems they face and the questions they ask are the ones that I ask and would expect myself to know my way around should i pose the same question (again) in, say, a few years.
Is that the factor that makes all these questions, these queries, these ponderings, so damn childish? And in turn, the insights provided, a bit... not bland... but, obvious? Predictable? Inferior? The child of...of childishness? (For lack of better word, which i really need, since that doesnt sound right for what im trying to say - I sound like a prude)...
Or maybe they just have to be made extra clear because TV, no matter WHOs disguising it or how well, has to appeal to the lowest common denominator.
"...And for the first 59 of those 60 FUCKING minutes, nobody was actually in love with anyone else."
I should copy that, paste it into word, print it really big and slap it on my folder. So people can read about it and think about what it might mean or might be referring to or how it might apply to anything relevant to them. So people can wonder about it.
Not that I'm saying (and this is just an inference of one plain if the thing) that superficial things, that routine or whatever, (fucking can also count), CANT come before real love. In fact, on the contrary (though this may contradict some of the stuff I've been saying) I believe in second and third and last sight. Not because of experience but because someone wise, funny and sharp says this and I really believe her.
Plus, this applies to *ahem* er... certain people.
My Day today!
AAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllllrighty.
Woke up in the morning, Proceeded to get ready for work, Remembered all the paperwork to be handed in and homework and periods to come and hours to wait through and people to smile at to show I really dont feel like talking right then (but they push on)...and thought "fuck this". Which is just as well since I'd've bombed out at period one; who needs another unproductive day? and yes, I do mean unproductive. I come out sometimes, not having written a thing. my teachers are SLACK! Except for Mrs Lindsay, who is a slavedriver, but I nonetheless feel bad for letting her down.
Oh.
Oh thats a lie.
I don't, really.
I just realised I put "work" instead of "school". Huh.
ianyway, So I cleared my bag out onto my bed and shoved some Jeans and a T in there and set out for the city and it was great! Soggy day, but I circled hyde park and did oxford street and George Street and a bit of Pitt Street/the QVB (forgot to look for a possum for rana) and just my favourite streets of the city - never did get to the harbour bridge though (how to get there from george street remains a mystery to me) and all i want to do is sit on the bloody thing for no reason other than that i have a will of iron and it frustrates me that I cant get there.
And its gotta be wearing a trenchcoat. and glasses. and with my art book. i dont know why.
Yanyway! So, I had a bit of a jaunt and with no money at all i did all kindsa nutty stuff and then I went to Newtown and talked to a guy in a band called shotpointblank and talked to Gary and then I went home on perfect time, and mum was even there at the video store by coincidence, so she gave me a ride home from the station.
When I talked to Gary, even though graham is nicer and a good guy to get along with, I kind of made myself look really bad, and i resent that since even though garys a butthole i like him and he could easily like me, (i think he already does a bit - no, not in THAT way, who gary? yuck), like I needlessly picked out all my shortcomings (bashing up kids knowing hes anti-violence, and all my failures in school) and talked about them and i really shouldnt have.
And I realised how I was making myself sound and got nervous and a hallmark of a nervous Lizzie is talking about myself. Which I did. Shouldn'tve. shouldve asked him more questions about him. but he WAS doing emails. i shouldve just shut up.
But I did stick around, I wasnt going to bail at that point! I kept talking to him and I think I left things pretty well between us when I said (and sincerely):
"Ok, gary, i will study tonight. and I will go to school for the rest of this week because I trust your advice."
And I think that clinched it. I saw him smile. Then he goes "oh yeah you should always follow my advice, i mean take a look at me."
Which I smiled at on my way out, then eventually responded with "haha Yeah, i dunno, maybe."
As if that makes sense.
Anyway, hes probably forgotten the whole conversation even though it played over and over again in my head on the train trip home and Im acting like a schoolgirl, just thinking about it :] no i do not have a thing for gary.
I also bet I'm boring the shit out of whoever reads this, if anyone. If no-one, than i dont have a problem with that.
Ah! now.
The
Train
Trip
Home.
Hahaha! I'm a fucking James Bond! I was running late so I got changed back into uniform very discreetly on the train between Strathfield And Pennant Hills.
Oh, that reminds me, I went to a local footy game on Sunday, it turned out to be quite a full-on match: Penno Demons versus balmain tigers!!!! It mustve been some weird division of the balmain tigers Or something like that (it has to some hitch Im unaware of - I dont know that much about footy) but SOMEHOW penno demons beat Balmain Tigers!!!! How did we manage that??!! Penno Demons are just a bunch of beer-swilling yobs and dads out for a bit of fun!
Anyway, So I did my James Bond The matrix Lara croft uniform switch (I undid my jeans... through a tunic!) and someone commented (haha because someone always does) that (about my switch):
"That was professional."
Hahahaha.
Well, I listened to some music after that and then got home. Mums given me a bit of money to buy that precious hot water music HOODIE (yesohyesohyesohyes- it was still in stock!! how could nobody have pinched it? I'm in great luck) and that reminds me, I have to go get the remainder of the sum by means of my bank card which i left in the car so i have to dash out later and grab it...
So I'm buying that tomorrow afternoon and I think Ill have a bit of a chat with Graham since he might be glad to see me.Tomorrow... after the athletics carnival... I can't believe I have to haul ass off to school to get back to the oval which is like half a k from my house because its compulsory for year 10 to go. Which I will grudgingly comply to even though my discman is half out of batteries. It is also compulsory for me to enter one jump, one run and one throw. fuck that.
Not doing it.
I'd do it really scummily if I got to be with my friends but they weasled out of it! They're the only ones who could. We're all lazy, the lot of us, not PE people, and when it comes to dodging it it becomes a vicious each-man-to-his-own affair.
Carolyn and Alyson are doing Data entry. I was left out of this. Morgans heaps athletic so shes going to actually compete. I intend to flop down on the grass and sleep, beneath and concealed by a big mountain of schoolbags.
Tonight I did my bit for how things are at home! I spent some time on the couch with laura (she wanted a massage too, but i wouldnt give her one) and spent some time upstairs for a while with mum and dad, reminding them that we still coexist.
Dad explained things to me about V2 rockets. :] It was interesting as well. It's a funny thing with my dad, though? Theres the "did-you-do-this" and "did-you-do-that"s that come up on a day to day basis (disturbingly frequent now that hes unemployed, startlingly so, considering what im used to) ... and 3 times a year or so hell go explaining something to me like the war or V2 rockets and he can capture ya like david attenborough!, but An actual conversation?
Not like a deep and meaningful, or even a heart to heart, just a back-and-forth chat, like something over coffee, well i can only remember one. in my whole life. And that was just before he lost his job, and it was over lebanese food and then a walk to redfern station. it was kinda nice, unexpected though.
Well, I'm all typed out, my babies! I'm out to the car to fetch my ATM card. adios.
just sayin'...hey!
im online for about 3 seconds so thats all ive time for.
hit me back somehow if i dont get to talk to ya later; god knows what youre getting up to."
Something I was going to send in a PM, but never got to.
Television is deceptive.
I was watching secret life of us just now and the characters shown are meant to be young australian contemporaries shifting their way through modern city life... "the drama about them that's all about you" and all this shit; but really when I watch it, 2 things stick out.
1.It really brings out the conservative in me (didn't even know there WAS one) when everything is sex based - fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck (ADS-food,furniture,flawless skin,phones, more fuck) , fuck fuck fuckin' fuck. Is this really the way they want to so blatantly flog at us, THIS must be your life, or is it all just for the advertising?
And for the first 59 of those 60 FUCKING minutes, nobody was actually in love with anyone else.
Fuck in the context of sex of course.
2.Having said that, That is not grown-up life. It can't be. Thing 1 just FUCKs up the whole scheme of things because The problems they face and the questions they ask are the ones that I ask and would expect myself to know my way around should i pose the same question (again) in, say, a few years.
Is that the factor that makes all these questions, these queries, these ponderings, so damn childish? And in turn, the insights provided, a bit... not bland... but, obvious? Predictable? Inferior? The child of...of childishness? (For lack of better word, which i really need, since that doesnt sound right for what im trying to say - I sound like a prude)...
Or maybe they just have to be made extra clear because TV, no matter WHOs disguising it or how well, has to appeal to the lowest common denominator.
"...And for the first 59 of those 60 FUCKING minutes, nobody was actually in love with anyone else."
I should copy that, paste it into word, print it really big and slap it on my folder. So people can read about it and think about what it might mean or might be referring to or how it might apply to anything relevant to them. So people can wonder about it.
Not that I'm saying (and this is just an inference of one plain if the thing) that superficial things, that routine or whatever, (fucking can also count), CANT come before real love. In fact, on the contrary (though this may contradict some of the stuff I've been saying) I believe in second and third and last sight. Not because of experience but because someone wise, funny and sharp says this and I really believe her.
Plus, this applies to *ahem* er... certain people.
My Day today!
AAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllllrighty.
Woke up in the morning, Proceeded to get ready for work, Remembered all the paperwork to be handed in and homework and periods to come and hours to wait through and people to smile at to show I really dont feel like talking right then (but they push on)...and thought "fuck this". Which is just as well since I'd've bombed out at period one; who needs another unproductive day? and yes, I do mean unproductive. I come out sometimes, not having written a thing. my teachers are SLACK! Except for Mrs Lindsay, who is a slavedriver, but I nonetheless feel bad for letting her down.
Oh.
Oh thats a lie.
I don't, really.
I just realised I put "work" instead of "school". Huh.
ianyway, So I cleared my bag out onto my bed and shoved some Jeans and a T in there and set out for the city and it was great! Soggy day, but I circled hyde park and did oxford street and George Street and a bit of Pitt Street/the QVB (forgot to look for a possum for rana) and just my favourite streets of the city - never did get to the harbour bridge though (how to get there from george street remains a mystery to me) and all i want to do is sit on the bloody thing for no reason other than that i have a will of iron and it frustrates me that I cant get there.
And its gotta be wearing a trenchcoat. and glasses. and with my art book. i dont know why.
Yanyway! So, I had a bit of a jaunt and with no money at all i did all kindsa nutty stuff and then I went to Newtown and talked to a guy in a band called shotpointblank and talked to Gary and then I went home on perfect time, and mum was even there at the video store by coincidence, so she gave me a ride home from the station.
When I talked to Gary, even though graham is nicer and a good guy to get along with, I kind of made myself look really bad, and i resent that since even though garys a butthole i like him and he could easily like me, (i think he already does a bit - no, not in THAT way, who gary? yuck), like I needlessly picked out all my shortcomings (bashing up kids knowing hes anti-violence, and all my failures in school) and talked about them and i really shouldnt have.
And I realised how I was making myself sound and got nervous and a hallmark of a nervous Lizzie is talking about myself. Which I did. Shouldn'tve. shouldve asked him more questions about him. but he WAS doing emails. i shouldve just shut up.
But I did stick around, I wasnt going to bail at that point! I kept talking to him and I think I left things pretty well between us when I said (and sincerely):
"Ok, gary, i will study tonight. and I will go to school for the rest of this week because I trust your advice."
And I think that clinched it. I saw him smile. Then he goes "oh yeah you should always follow my advice, i mean take a look at me."
Which I smiled at on my way out, then eventually responded with "haha Yeah, i dunno, maybe."
As if that makes sense.
Anyway, hes probably forgotten the whole conversation even though it played over and over again in my head on the train trip home and Im acting like a schoolgirl, just thinking about it :] no i do not have a thing for gary.
I also bet I'm boring the shit out of whoever reads this, if anyone. If no-one, than i dont have a problem with that.
Ah! now.
The
Train
Trip
Home.
Hahaha! I'm a fucking James Bond! I was running late so I got changed back into uniform very discreetly on the train between Strathfield And Pennant Hills.
Oh, that reminds me, I went to a local footy game on Sunday, it turned out to be quite a full-on match: Penno Demons versus balmain tigers!!!! It mustve been some weird division of the balmain tigers Or something like that (it has to some hitch Im unaware of - I dont know that much about footy) but SOMEHOW penno demons beat Balmain Tigers!!!! How did we manage that??!! Penno Demons are just a bunch of beer-swilling yobs and dads out for a bit of fun!
Anyway, So I did my James Bond The matrix Lara croft uniform switch (I undid my jeans... through a tunic!) and someone commented (haha because someone always does) that (about my switch):
"That was professional."
Hahahaha.
Well, I listened to some music after that and then got home. Mums given me a bit of money to buy that precious hot water music HOODIE (yesohyesohyesohyes- it was still in stock!! how could nobody have pinched it? I'm in great luck) and that reminds me, I have to go get the remainder of the sum by means of my bank card which i left in the car so i have to dash out later and grab it...
So I'm buying that tomorrow afternoon and I think Ill have a bit of a chat with Graham since he might be glad to see me.Tomorrow... after the athletics carnival... I can't believe I have to haul ass off to school to get back to the oval which is like half a k from my house because its compulsory for year 10 to go. Which I will grudgingly comply to even though my discman is half out of batteries. It is also compulsory for me to enter one jump, one run and one throw. fuck that.
Not doing it.
I'd do it really scummily if I got to be with my friends but they weasled out of it! They're the only ones who could. We're all lazy, the lot of us, not PE people, and when it comes to dodging it it becomes a vicious each-man-to-his-own affair.
Carolyn and Alyson are doing Data entry. I was left out of this. Morgans heaps athletic so shes going to actually compete. I intend to flop down on the grass and sleep, beneath and concealed by a big mountain of schoolbags.
Tonight I did my bit for how things are at home! I spent some time on the couch with laura (she wanted a massage too, but i wouldnt give her one) and spent some time upstairs for a while with mum and dad, reminding them that we still coexist.
Dad explained things to me about V2 rockets. :] It was interesting as well. It's a funny thing with my dad, though? Theres the "did-you-do-this" and "did-you-do-that"s that come up on a day to day basis (disturbingly frequent now that hes unemployed, startlingly so, considering what im used to) ... and 3 times a year or so hell go explaining something to me like the war or V2 rockets and he can capture ya like david attenborough!, but An actual conversation?
Not like a deep and meaningful, or even a heart to heart, just a back-and-forth chat, like something over coffee, well i can only remember one. in my whole life. And that was just before he lost his job, and it was over lebanese food and then a walk to redfern station. it was kinda nice, unexpected though.
Well, I'm all typed out, my babies! I'm out to the car to fetch my ATM card. adios.