5 février

[akmak_child]

i could live forever inside
wasting away with the sorrow of loving you
desperately detained.
instead, i lie. and i am happy.
you tell me that happiness leads to sorrow.
and that instead, you search peace.
i didn't understand, but you will teach me.
passion and fervour.
i search for heartbreak.
and i break my own reality every day
every day that i love you, my reality is altered.
i wont ever understand until i lie to myself.
you refuse me. and i lie to myself.
and i will leave.
months, years from now, i will understand.
i will remember the peace of the moment with you
with you i am so emotional. i can't help but
search for peace.
search for the innerpeace
of telling you. that we resemble one another.

i dream of a moment like this
like mine.
contained emotion, trembling extremities.
i hold on and contain myself in you
maybe you are denying nothing
maybe you are exactly where you want to be.
i am so utterly honest with you, but not myself.
what if i told you?
what if you didn't kiss me back?
remember the pulse?
you felt me the way i felt you
for two to understand

evaporate.
i have held you for far too long
my life ahead hints of clarity
passion in honesty,
not in holding a fuzzy memeory of melancholy
i break through, my body leads the way
touch. pulse outward.
i recieve your purity deep within
exit toxins, water flows
breath-like-tide
waves of emotion, bring me there

PURITY
of heart. honesty. passion.
of body. movement. reception.
of spirit. heal. clarity.