(no subject)

[akin16sk]

It's getting late but I don't want to go to bed, because when I wake up, it will be morning and I will go to my work, I will say hi to my colleagues in the morning and fare well in the afternoon. I will try not to cry because I can't stand crying in public, I never cry in public and then I will go to my Japanese lesson and fail my test because I simply can't study now and then...I will go to my empty flat with my guinea pigs, which will be like the only thing I will know from now on and I will still think that even if I could change my decision now, I still probably wouldn't because...despite my friends, it is kind of time to move on and I hate it. I am stupid I take this so hard, very very hard because I am crying right now and my keyboard wet from my tears glistening in the light from my bed lamp, the image will probably stay embedded in my mind like forever, because I have captured it right now and I am mess for talking like this, but I just can't stop the tears nor the thoughts. On Saturday it will be probably be all right, because I will cry out my pain by then and maybe even be able to look forward to the future a little, although it seems a little bleak now, but for now, I want to take this pleasure in pain when I look back. I need to feel the pain to close this chapter. And it is probably one of the most important chapters of my life, because this work was my very first and your first job will always stay with you for the rest of your life, like your first kiss and your first love and your first lover and.....every first step in your life.

I wish I could say I would return, but I don't think so, not because of my pride, as my friend from the work said, I wouldn't return even if I had to eat only bread. And that's right, because my pride is too big to admit defeat and it's all right, because my pride is what keeps me going.