College and stuff.
So this may seem out of the blue, especially for those who don't follow me on twitter. But I've just been feeling so out of sorts lately that I need to write this out. Feedback from caring people would be greatly appreciated.
I'm well into the second semester of being an art major. And I'm still feeling pretty lost. Like, what am I doing with this? Sure, learning these technical and creative aspects about art and making artwork is great and educational, but what is it amounting to? I'm always told by people older than me that "it's okay, you're young, you're not supposed to know what you're doing in life yet" and to be honest, while I know that's correct and fine and true and whatever, I'm getting sick of hearing it. I understand that learning one's place in life is a lifelong journey in itself, yadda yadda yadda, and that I should just go with the flow, etc. but I just don't feel fulfilled with my life, really. Fandom and music seem to be the only things I get seriously enthusiastic about anymore (with the occasional art spaz).
I sort of blame my smarts for this. I'm not trying to be arrogant, but it's true that I am intelligent, and as an intelligent person I am always going to be seeking more out of life and the things that I already have/am experiencing. My hyperactive mind will always be trying to answer that unknown, "what am I doing with my life?", despite that I also think that in reality I don't know if anyone is supposed to know that unless they're well settled into a career path and can say they're truly happy, which is rare these days.
I kinda came to terms with this unknown at the beginning of the semester, when I thought to myself "well even if I don't know what I want to do with my life, I'm here now so that I can figure it out". And of course that answer will probably never be a definite thing. I do know one thing for sure about what I'd like to do with my life. I want to bring people happiness, inspiration and/or healing. I know that for me the best place to do that is with the arts, somehow. Or possibly (maybe later in life), bodywork and acupuncture (I'm always inspired and fascinated by that LOL). But that's completely different.
Now, more so than wondering what I'll be doing with this, lately I've been wondering why I haven't been feeling much enthusiasm or passion for what I'm doing. I understand that maybe that comes with having a dream or goal, something I don't really have yet aside from generalizations. I feel that if I'm making a commitment to something as a major then I should really love it, enough to not let the setbacks and hardships of it discourage me. I thought maybe being a full-time art major would ignite my passion for art. Instead the opposite seems to be happening....
It's true that my musical background is much more extensive than my art background. And when I think about it, I spend a lot more of my free time perusing music and related aspects of it than art. You can ask anyone and they'll tell you I'm on the computer looking up more stuff about my favorite artists (......Daichan), or singing along with my favorite songs (mostly in the car by myself because I'm self-conscious), or going about my business completely deaf to the world because I have my iPod going with my headphones in my ears. I'm also much more emotionally attached to music. Music makes me cry all the time, laugh all the time, smile when I'm having a bad day, and it just.............soothes my soul? Cliche, I know. It connects me to myself and to others, and it helps me empathize with others and their stories and situations. Some of the best, most fulfilling times of my life have been with music, on stage or with friends. A lot of my happiest moments have been on stage performing for others with choir, orchestra, and solo, because I feel connected to the audience through the music and the emotions and messages we share with it. It's also always been a wonderful way for me to express myself. In comparison, while art is fun and another way to express myself, I don't think that I share that kind of a deep connection with it as with music.
All of this being said, I'm not set on switching to being a music major. LOL that decision will take time, thought, and planning, if we even decide that's the best course of action. If we do come to that conclusion then I'll have to act on it soon, what with auditions and all. I never considered starting out as a music major because I didn't think that I was proficient enough in any instrument of interest to have a chance of being accepted (not to discredit myself, but the areas where I felt strongest I didn't want to emphasize in). That's a little different now. I have been taking private voice lessons and have some repertoire under my belt. Not to say that I'm confident I could be a vocal performance major. I'm really not sure about that. But we'll see.
There is also the option of part-time enrollment until I figure some more stuff out. patipati brought that up, and I'm not ruling that out yet. It would also give me more time to try out possible non-Webster classes in the community that I'm interested in.
Anyways, long post is long and I'm ending it here. I'm going to make an appointment with an advisor (because mine conveniently up and left on sabbatical for the semester) and talk some of this out. All in all, I'm still looking for that niche, I guess. That fire of passion. Maybe I have yet to find it in art. Or maybe I'll switch to something completely different. But I'm not finding it right now.
Thanks for reading.
I'm well into the second semester of being an art major. And I'm still feeling pretty lost. Like, what am I doing with this? Sure, learning these technical and creative aspects about art and making artwork is great and educational, but what is it amounting to? I'm always told by people older than me that "it's okay, you're young, you're not supposed to know what you're doing in life yet" and to be honest, while I know that's correct and fine and true and whatever, I'm getting sick of hearing it. I understand that learning one's place in life is a lifelong journey in itself, yadda yadda yadda, and that I should just go with the flow, etc. but I just don't feel fulfilled with my life, really. Fandom and music seem to be the only things I get seriously enthusiastic about anymore (with the occasional art spaz).
I sort of blame my smarts for this. I'm not trying to be arrogant, but it's true that I am intelligent, and as an intelligent person I am always going to be seeking more out of life and the things that I already have/am experiencing. My hyperactive mind will always be trying to answer that unknown, "what am I doing with my life?", despite that I also think that in reality I don't know if anyone is supposed to know that unless they're well settled into a career path and can say they're truly happy, which is rare these days.
I kinda came to terms with this unknown at the beginning of the semester, when I thought to myself "well even if I don't know what I want to do with my life, I'm here now so that I can figure it out". And of course that answer will probably never be a definite thing. I do know one thing for sure about what I'd like to do with my life. I want to bring people happiness, inspiration and/or healing. I know that for me the best place to do that is with the arts, somehow. Or possibly (maybe later in life), bodywork and acupuncture (I'm always inspired and fascinated by that LOL). But that's completely different.
Now, more so than wondering what I'll be doing with this, lately I've been wondering why I haven't been feeling much enthusiasm or passion for what I'm doing. I understand that maybe that comes with having a dream or goal, something I don't really have yet aside from generalizations. I feel that if I'm making a commitment to something as a major then I should really love it, enough to not let the setbacks and hardships of it discourage me. I thought maybe being a full-time art major would ignite my passion for art. Instead the opposite seems to be happening....
It's true that my musical background is much more extensive than my art background. And when I think about it, I spend a lot more of my free time perusing music and related aspects of it than art. You can ask anyone and they'll tell you I'm on the computer looking up more stuff about my favorite artists (......Daichan), or singing along with my favorite songs (mostly in the car by myself because I'm self-conscious), or going about my business completely deaf to the world because I have my iPod going with my headphones in my ears. I'm also much more emotionally attached to music. Music makes me cry all the time, laugh all the time, smile when I'm having a bad day, and it just.............soothes my soul? Cliche, I know. It connects me to myself and to others, and it helps me empathize with others and their stories and situations. Some of the best, most fulfilling times of my life have been with music, on stage or with friends. A lot of my happiest moments have been on stage performing for others with choir, orchestra, and solo, because I feel connected to the audience through the music and the emotions and messages we share with it. It's also always been a wonderful way for me to express myself. In comparison, while art is fun and another way to express myself, I don't think that I share that kind of a deep connection with it as with music.
All of this being said, I'm not set on switching to being a music major. LOL that decision will take time, thought, and planning, if we even decide that's the best course of action. If we do come to that conclusion then I'll have to act on it soon, what with auditions and all. I never considered starting out as a music major because I didn't think that I was proficient enough in any instrument of interest to have a chance of being accepted (not to discredit myself, but the areas where I felt strongest I didn't want to emphasize in). That's a little different now. I have been taking private voice lessons and have some repertoire under my belt. Not to say that I'm confident I could be a vocal performance major. I'm really not sure about that. But we'll see.
There is also the option of part-time enrollment until I figure some more stuff out. patipati brought that up, and I'm not ruling that out yet. It would also give me more time to try out possible non-Webster classes in the community that I'm interested in.
Anyways, long post is long and I'm ending it here. I'm going to make an appointment with an advisor (because mine conveniently up and left on sabbatical for the semester) and talk some of this out. All in all, I'm still looking for that niche, I guess. That fire of passion. Maybe I have yet to find it in art. Or maybe I'll switch to something completely different. But I'm not finding it right now.
Thanks for reading.