After two generations of this, the Ring just wants to DIE!

( MATURE... Frodo/Sam )

The Ring doesn't like how its current bearer uses one of its more unique abilities. Not. One. Bit.

( MATURE... Bilbo/any dwarf you want )

( Pure, unadulterated, and unrepentant crack! How does a wizard deal with thirteen stubborn, uncooperative dwarves who refuse to listen to him, and who get into trouble the moment that his back is turned? With child harnesses and leashes, that's how! )