thought I would post up a quick blog to update everyone all the crap going on with me
Wow I have not popped onto LJ for a while most of my blogging has been getting done over at myspace now but I felt guilty about neglecting my LJ so I thought I would do a brief update in here. The year has been honestly very odd its had a lot of ups and a lot of downs.
I started 2007 on a new note finally having a real live Boyfriend for a change. We meet randomly on myspace in 06 I was trying to find out information on a band he was in that played out at KCRF my mom and I had tried to go see the show but got turned around in the maze that is KCRF. So I randomly messaged him asking him for simple directions as to the next time we went out to the faire. This lead onto us chatting more through mail on myspace and eventually to Yahoo IM. We had our first date in I believe it was September or October...but he was up here for an airsoft game he was doing out in Jefferson City the game would get out so late he didn't really want to drive all the way back to KS that so he ended up having a hotel room in Columbia that he was going to drop by after the game anyway so we planned to meet up and go out for dinner then just go back to the room and chat. And for the most part thats really all that happened I remember being extremely nervous and probably a little shell shocked anyone that knows me well, knows that I do not have a huge dating life. Not really cuz I don't want to just cuz I try to take it fairly seriously and am just by nature a little bit shy around people I don't know that well. So after that we started going out a lil more and we realized we both really liked each other and wanted to see if a relationship would actually work out for us.
So in November for 06 he asked me if I wanted to try being boyfriend and girlfriend. The relationship was a good healthy one that lasted for a year...I didn't see the break up coming at all but i think there was combination of things pushing it along the fact we lived so far away from each other probably did not help anything for us, about Thanksgiving of last year he got laid off from his job and at the time was completely unemployed. And according to his opinion we had just lost that spark in the relationship..he didn't see us progressing anywhere so he wanted to see other people. I honestly didn't want to let go I had one incident in the relation sip that made me think of dating another person but I set it straight in my head that I was in love with J.R. and I didn't want anyone else. I guess that in of it self was the hardest thing to swallow the fact he had been tempted by other girls to look out side of the box as far as "us"and where as I had gone through the same thing but didn't act on these emotions he did. Maybe not in such a sever way as to cheat on me but to look at them strongly enough to consider being single simply to date other people other then me.
As much as I would like to say terrible nasty things about him I can't he really did try to break up with me to save me from more emotional trauma and even though it took me a a very long time to get over the fact that we were "over" I do think that him letting me go has in a light opened my eyes. It was a good experience over all it gave me a chance to be in a relationship and be loved by someone to know what that feels like instead of just to wonder. As well as show me that life does not work out like a fairy tale ending all the time, sometimes it is bitter and sweet. We are both still friends we try to keep close but truthfully we not as close as we used to be but eh thats to be expected though.
Since then I dated another guy that I know from Omaha,NE the relationship was again short, but even though it was not as long lived as my prvious relationship I felt like more things were given to me up front as far as where his feeling lied. With J.R. there was always a whole buch of ifs and maybes in this it was different...and it sounds sappy but in the bottom of my heart I really felt like I had found real love, and I think so did he. Even though I had high hopes for things between us...things simply had to be put on pause for a while. With me getting ready to graduate from school fairly shortly and him struggling with bills and having a half way decent car he can actually afford to pay for. There were just too many things in our lives that were standing in our way and we did not want to drag each other down into our own problems. The way we feel for each other has not changed. This much I can tell just when I go to see him and look at him...he is just confused in his head right now and he is trying to sort things out in his life so that things can be easier for him and possibly "us"as well.
other then all that not much else is going like I said getting close to graduating from school after that I am looking at moving to NE...and no its not due to the fact this guy is out there. That is a bonus to it...but I have gone out to that area several times to visit people and its somewhere I really like I like him, I like his friends and its a very calm peaceful place. Moving out there I do realize could be either a great thing for me or a total disaster but I am willing to see how things work out. Honestly I just want to try living somewhere other then Columbia or even Missouri for a while...I mean I have been here for 24 years of my life....I want a little more diversity. When I do move I plan to still stay on with my eduction getting a General BA from MU's online program I figure even if I do move out of state I will be able to save up a bit of cash by going to my home state university...since I will not be able to get be a Nebraskian until at least two years down the road.
I started 2007 on a new note finally having a real live Boyfriend for a change. We meet randomly on myspace in 06 I was trying to find out information on a band he was in that played out at KCRF my mom and I had tried to go see the show but got turned around in the maze that is KCRF. So I randomly messaged him asking him for simple directions as to the next time we went out to the faire. This lead onto us chatting more through mail on myspace and eventually to Yahoo IM. We had our first date in I believe it was September or October...but he was up here for an airsoft game he was doing out in Jefferson City the game would get out so late he didn't really want to drive all the way back to KS that so he ended up having a hotel room in Columbia that he was going to drop by after the game anyway so we planned to meet up and go out for dinner then just go back to the room and chat. And for the most part thats really all that happened I remember being extremely nervous and probably a little shell shocked anyone that knows me well, knows that I do not have a huge dating life. Not really cuz I don't want to just cuz I try to take it fairly seriously and am just by nature a little bit shy around people I don't know that well. So after that we started going out a lil more and we realized we both really liked each other and wanted to see if a relationship would actually work out for us.
So in November for 06 he asked me if I wanted to try being boyfriend and girlfriend. The relationship was a good healthy one that lasted for a year...I didn't see the break up coming at all but i think there was combination of things pushing it along the fact we lived so far away from each other probably did not help anything for us, about Thanksgiving of last year he got laid off from his job and at the time was completely unemployed. And according to his opinion we had just lost that spark in the relationship..he didn't see us progressing anywhere so he wanted to see other people. I honestly didn't want to let go I had one incident in the relation sip that made me think of dating another person but I set it straight in my head that I was in love with J.R. and I didn't want anyone else. I guess that in of it self was the hardest thing to swallow the fact he had been tempted by other girls to look out side of the box as far as "us"and where as I had gone through the same thing but didn't act on these emotions he did. Maybe not in such a sever way as to cheat on me but to look at them strongly enough to consider being single simply to date other people other then me.
As much as I would like to say terrible nasty things about him I can't he really did try to break up with me to save me from more emotional trauma and even though it took me a a very long time to get over the fact that we were "over" I do think that him letting me go has in a light opened my eyes. It was a good experience over all it gave me a chance to be in a relationship and be loved by someone to know what that feels like instead of just to wonder. As well as show me that life does not work out like a fairy tale ending all the time, sometimes it is bitter and sweet. We are both still friends we try to keep close but truthfully we not as close as we used to be but eh thats to be expected though.
Since then I dated another guy that I know from Omaha,NE the relationship was again short, but even though it was not as long lived as my prvious relationship I felt like more things were given to me up front as far as where his feeling lied. With J.R. there was always a whole buch of ifs and maybes in this it was different...and it sounds sappy but in the bottom of my heart I really felt like I had found real love, and I think so did he. Even though I had high hopes for things between us...things simply had to be put on pause for a while. With me getting ready to graduate from school fairly shortly and him struggling with bills and having a half way decent car he can actually afford to pay for. There were just too many things in our lives that were standing in our way and we did not want to drag each other down into our own problems. The way we feel for each other has not changed. This much I can tell just when I go to see him and look at him...he is just confused in his head right now and he is trying to sort things out in his life so that things can be easier for him and possibly "us"as well.
other then all that not much else is going like I said getting close to graduating from school after that I am looking at moving to NE...and no its not due to the fact this guy is out there. That is a bonus to it...but I have gone out to that area several times to visit people and its somewhere I really like I like him, I like his friends and its a very calm peaceful place. Moving out there I do realize could be either a great thing for me or a total disaster but I am willing to see how things work out. Honestly I just want to try living somewhere other then Columbia or even Missouri for a while...I mean I have been here for 24 years of my life....I want a little more diversity. When I do move I plan to still stay on with my eduction getting a General BA from MU's online program I figure even if I do move out of state I will be able to save up a bit of cash by going to my home state university...since I will not be able to get be a Nebraskian until at least two years down the road.