Birthday and musings
Birthday, and exaustion, and some musing
I get this way sometimes, where life throws you a bit of a odd, almost surreal, set of things - good, and bad - and you have to stop and ponder it.
Today - well, technichally yesterday - I'm 32. Some of my coworkers would disagree (Angie says I'm 12, I was told by someone another coworker thought I was 37... I like 12 better), but the fact of the matter remians, I'm 32. My family treated me to a concert that doesn't hit the area that often - the Video Game live concert. It was very cool, very loud, and somewhat emotional for me. Why? Well... two fold.
One; Music has that effect on me - I may play at being a hard ass, or being unemotional, but the truth is, music hits me pretty hard. I was pretty close to tears when they where playing some of the stuff from FFVII. If I hadn't been surrounded by other people, I would have been.
Two, someone who I would have liked to come along with me, couldn't, due to work.
We went to 'Original Joes' for dinner after - we went there last year, too. It's a pretty sweet place, with amazing cheese ravioli. I was asked if I wanted them to do a 'embarassing' birthday thing - normally, I wouldn't care, but I said no this time out. Why? Well, I've had several somewhat awkward personal moments in the last four days. I really just wanted an evening where I could just chill and hang out.
What's been going on, you ask. Well, I part worked out, part had something confirmed for me. And now, I get to figure out what to do. I mean, I was considering doing what I'm probably going to do anyway.
Damn, I hate being vauge. Someone has a crush on me, and I sort of have a crush on them. I say sort of because I tend to build all kinds of walls and such around myself and keep my emotions and the like all bottled up - some days, it's the only way I make it from 5 AM to bedtime without hurting myself or someone else. At least, I'd like to think that's the only way. Truth is probably pretty different.
Anyway, I like them certainly enough to ask 'em out - even though I -am- broke and can't actually take them anywhere, but it's been so long since I've even allowed myself to have a crush because of some of the stuff I've been through. Why hope, when you keep getting burned?
Tonight, I thanked her for having a crush on me. Why am I thankful? Because, I'm reminded that I can feel, and that well... I guess I do have a crush on them. It's not one of these puppy crushes like I've had in the past, though. It's different somehow. I dunno. I'm too tired to look too deeply in, and sometimes, looking too deeply in is a bad thing anyway.
So, mon cherrie, if you read this, don't be too upset with me, eh? Just drop me an IM at some point.
Stef/Alis
I get this way sometimes, where life throws you a bit of a odd, almost surreal, set of things - good, and bad - and you have to stop and ponder it.
Today - well, technichally yesterday - I'm 32. Some of my coworkers would disagree (Angie says I'm 12, I was told by someone another coworker thought I was 37... I like 12 better), but the fact of the matter remians, I'm 32. My family treated me to a concert that doesn't hit the area that often - the Video Game live concert. It was very cool, very loud, and somewhat emotional for me. Why? Well... two fold.
One; Music has that effect on me - I may play at being a hard ass, or being unemotional, but the truth is, music hits me pretty hard. I was pretty close to tears when they where playing some of the stuff from FFVII. If I hadn't been surrounded by other people, I would have been.
Two, someone who I would have liked to come along with me, couldn't, due to work.
We went to 'Original Joes' for dinner after - we went there last year, too. It's a pretty sweet place, with amazing cheese ravioli. I was asked if I wanted them to do a 'embarassing' birthday thing - normally, I wouldn't care, but I said no this time out. Why? Well, I've had several somewhat awkward personal moments in the last four days. I really just wanted an evening where I could just chill and hang out.
What's been going on, you ask. Well, I part worked out, part had something confirmed for me. And now, I get to figure out what to do. I mean, I was considering doing what I'm probably going to do anyway.
Damn, I hate being vauge. Someone has a crush on me, and I sort of have a crush on them. I say sort of because I tend to build all kinds of walls and such around myself and keep my emotions and the like all bottled up - some days, it's the only way I make it from 5 AM to bedtime without hurting myself or someone else. At least, I'd like to think that's the only way. Truth is probably pretty different.
Anyway, I like them certainly enough to ask 'em out - even though I -am- broke and can't actually take them anywhere, but it's been so long since I've even allowed myself to have a crush because of some of the stuff I've been through. Why hope, when you keep getting burned?
Tonight, I thanked her for having a crush on me. Why am I thankful? Because, I'm reminded that I can feel, and that well... I guess I do have a crush on them. It's not one of these puppy crushes like I've had in the past, though. It's different somehow. I dunno. I'm too tired to look too deeply in, and sometimes, looking too deeply in is a bad thing anyway.
So, mon cherrie, if you read this, don't be too upset with me, eh? Just drop me an IM at some point.
Stef/Alis