Coworker J: I was walking down the hall and I started thinking that I screw around too much.
Coworker B: Oh yeah? And how long did that thought last?
Coworker J: A couple seconds. Then I started thinking about gumball machines...

"Today we have made history, now let us make progress." - Rep. Nancy Pelosi

QOTD: "Being tough doesn’t require being stupid. It’s totally optional." - dilbertblog

QOTD: "I liked the internet so much better when the difficulty of just getting online served as a mandatory IQ test." -copperbadge

QOTD: "PS: No, seriously, I'm gonna need that pony back."

I'm not going to provide any context because it's more fun that way.

QOTD: "Tomorrow is Tuesday, in case you are like me and don't know what day of the week it is today..." - e-mail from the UCD pre-law society.

QOTD:
"What is 'science' exactly?" Ridcully asked. Ponder cleared his throat.

"Well..."

"You give uth money," Igor said, "And we make things explode."

There was a tense moment.

"Jolly good!" said Ridcully cheerfully.

From a drabble by copperbadge.

QOTD: "I was drunk and I was joking, I didn't really expect you to do it!"

QOTD and Best Headline Ever (not from The Onion): Male Figure Skaters Sometimes Gay. In Other News, Water Usually Wet.

Student: Happiness is the primary good.
Other Student: Long term or short term?
Student: Well, all real happiness is long term, really.
Other Student: Oh yeah? When was the last time you had a twinkie?