Entry/Story.
I GOT NEW ICONS. Look at them.
Jack, I need to have a /serious/ conversation when you get back. :D Oh man that sounded ominous. o.o It's not. XD I just have to talk to you about something, it's no big deal, so don't worry~ <3 But serious. Just not... bad.
Andrew's been annoying as hell the past few years, but he's still my good friend. I just wanted you all to keep that in mind. Whatever I say here is usually an emotional vent, so unless you heard something from me live, as I said it, try not to take it completely at face value, alright? Not that you shouldn't take it seriously--for the love of GOD, please do--but most of this is just a daily venting for me. It's going to be as fickle as wind, so if the entry seems emotionally strung--and they usually are--please take it with a grain of salt, okay? I'll do you guys a favor and let you know on the entry if I'm being fanatical or if the entry is just that: an ordinary entry.
To the readers:
Um. Before you guys read this, keep in mind that this IS A DREAM. The world--and Victor's personification (as himself, haha) reflect his state of mind, his feelings, and most importantly, his thoughts. This grants me a lot of freedom in the sense that in a dream, Victor is cut down to the most basic, where worldly barriers are stripped away (also because of the presence of Steven). The situation also sucks because I have to be extremely careful not to overstep the bounds of Victor's personality. I can't stretch it too far, so I have to find that balance between raw self and his general personality.
So, just so you know, keep that in mind. :D
A light rain pitter-pattered on the roof overhead, calming Victor's nerves. He drifted into a deep slumber, and fell into a dream.
Suddenly, a breeze wafted through Victor's hair. He stared around, noting suddenly at the abrupt scenery. Victor sat, taking in the warmth of a cool summer afternoon in his favorite spot at the park. Green trees shaded him fifty feet overhead; through the deep green of the leaves, Victor spotted the vast sapphire sky, which was dotted with fluffy white clouds. Strangely, not a single person was in sight from Victor's spot, nor could he hear any human activity, such as traffic, in the distance. To Victor, now, the entire world was his favorite spot in the park, containing all the sights and sounds of nature and its tranquility.
Victor leaned back, putting his hands behind his head. He was content in the sunlight and warmth of his dream. However, he twitched and sat up when he felt his arm brush against someone sitting next to him. He turned, and his eyes widened.
"Steven!"
Steven nodded, his smile carrying as much sadness as it did warmth. Victor hesitated for a moment, and then let go; he jumped forward and clung to his brother. They both appeared in their twenties, in Victor's dream, young and much healthier, in Victor's case. Steven clung back tightly as he rubbed Victor's back in a brotherly manner, and leaned his cheek against Victor's.
"Hey, Vic," he said quietly, enjoying Victor's embrace that he had not felt since he had been a living man, before he'd gone to college.
Victor held Steven tightly. "Brother," he said over Steven's shoulder, "I wanted... to thank you for keeping me from ... hurting Jayden again that night... " Victor trailed off, leaning his head close to Steven's to feel his brother's soft hair. For a few moments, they were silent, keeping each other warm as they had throughout their cold and dark childhood.
Steven softly patted Victor's hair. "I'm glad I could help," he replied carefully. He did not want Victor to see him sad.
However, Victor knew. He felt his brother's heavy sadness and he pulled away from their embrace.
"Steven," Victor addressed, staring Steven straight in the eyes. Steven blinked. "What is it, Vic?" he asked. Victor sighed.
"You almost always kept your tears from me, but I wanted to be someone you could come to so you could cry on someone's shoulder; so you wouldn't have to sit in the bathroom in the middle of the night, or when our parents were away."
The clouds overhead gathered and darkened, and the holes between the leaves looked a heavy, serious gray.
Steven looked at his lap silently, and then gazed at Victor once again.
"I didn't... " he started, trying to chose his words, "I didn't think... you felt that way, Vic, I'm sorry."
Victor sighed and shook his head. "I told you, years ago. And like hell I'd let you comfort me and cry alone yourself--" Victor stopped himself. The breeze blew a little harder and seemed to have turned chilled.
Steven tried to stare Victor in the face, but he was unable to. His glasses glinted in the little bit of sunlight that peeked through the trees from behind the heavy cloud cover. Victor could taste words behind Steven's wall of silence.
"You cried with Jack," he said slowly. It had occurred to him before, but it had always been an afterthought of his previous hatred for Jack Howell. A gnawing hurt that was all too familiar ripped at Victor's insides, gnawing away painfully at his heart. Steven let out a soft sigh, and Victor turned his face away from his brother, Steven's silence affirming what he had said.
The cold wind whipped at their hair, and they sat silently for another moment. Steven attempted to break the silence.
"Victor, I'm sorry--" he started.
"No, it doesn't matter," Victor cut him off abruptly, the wind as sharp against Steven's skin as Victor's words were against his ears.
The cloud cover was complete, now, and although the wind seemed to have died down, a breeze in the trees overhead made the leaves shake and whisper in a mass of small, brushing voices.
"Hell, I know it must've been hard," Victor said in an offhand way, his face still turned to the side.
"You had to watch as they did their very best to destroy us, but me the most. After a while, that bastard and that bitch even almost favored you. I bet you hated that, especially because you had to watch your brother in his fall. You had to watch me in pain and there was little you could do, so you did all you could for yourself, too, and went to Jack because you were afraid your shit would hurt me."
Steven's face turned sad and concerned. "Victor," he said softly as he watched his brother. He could not see Victor's face, but he knew his brother was upset, because the world in which they were in began to rain. It was a steady, heavy drench. Not a hard torrent, but a leaden drive that poured from the sky as though God Himself were mourning. It was a rain of grief, regret and sadness.
Water dripped in cold droplets from Steven's face; however, he kept his gaze fixed on Victor, who himself sat stiffly, turned away from Steven. "Because of Sora, and Jayden I realized why the hell I felt like shit when I knew you wouldn't let me see you like that," Victor stated. Steven's head turned to the side, the concern etching lines on his face. Slowly, he removed his glasses, wiped them on his shirt, and return them to his face. "Why is that, Vic?" he asked, laying a hand on his brother's shoulder.
Slowly, Victor turned towards Steven and looked at him, water dripping sadly down his face, his black hair hanging heavily over his eyes.
"When you love people," he said forcefully, "you tend to want to help them no matter what. When they try to keep you from doing that, it hurts like a bitch. It's selfless and selfish at the same time. Fucking disgusting, isn't it?"
Steven winced at the pain and bitterness that screamed from Victor's tone. "Victor, please, I didn't know, I just didn't. I'm really sorry," he pleaded sadly to his brother. The rain lessened greatly, but the drops were large and cold; they felt like marbles and it almost hurt as they hit the brothers' skin. Victor did not seem to notice too much, however. He stared with a hard face at Steven, as though he were a judge.
Steven felt oppressed by Victor's harsh silence. "Victor, please forgive me. We both made horrible mistakes back then."
"Pfft. Yeah, right," Victor scoffed. The rain had stopped, and suddenly both the young men were dry. Clouds remained, however, and thunder rolled in the distance. The trees dripped and their leaves hung heavily with water overhead, and the air felt damp, sinister, cold.
"We did, didn't we?" Victor sneered. "They cost you a lot less, though. Every damn time you made a mistake it was always laid on me," Victor spat. The thunder rolled louder, nearer; the clouds had grown ominously dark. The sky threatened not rain this time, but a storm. Steven flinched; Victor's anger had always been fire, whether it was suppressed or whether it blazed as an inferno. It was quick to burn, and when put out, still smoldered in bitter embers.
"I didn't mean it to sound like that, Vic, I'm sorry. I should have realized what all that did to you. I should have, but I didn't. I love you Victor, I always have, I didn't mean for any of this to happen!" Steven exclaimed as the pain in his own heart became unbearable. Tears began to leak from his eyes. The clouds lightened, but Victor's expression did not. "What are you crying for?" he growled. Steven reached his hands out to Victor longingly. "I'm not crying for myself," he spoke sadly.
"I'm crying for you, because you're hurting, Brother."
Immediately the clouds lightened to a calm grey. Victor's expression relaxed and turned from anger into a soft sadness. He reached his hands to Steven's, and their palms connected, their fingers grasped each other. "Steven..."
Suddenly, Victor pulled Steven into a tight embrace once more. Steven burst into tears, unable to hold back any longer and let his own rain fall from his eyes. Wrapping his brother in his arms, Victor stroked Steven's hair, his shoulders.
"Of course I forgive you, Steve," he said sadly. Steven clung to Victor as his tears subsided, resting his face on his younger brother's shoulder.
"Thank you... Vic," he replied quietly. "I'm sorry... for everything. I love you."
There was a silence as the brothers held each other as before. Then, Victor spoke, and a sliver of sunshine broke through the cloud.
"Me too. I love you too, Steven."
MAN I STRETCHED THEIR PERSONALITIES. Oh well. NOT stretching it wasn't my goal. My goal was to work on writing structure over a longer writing process. I think I succeeded. *hands you all tissues and walks away.*
++UPDATE: 6:48PM++
I did chores and then Vati and I did a few errands. Then, we went to the mall. I bought us dinner. It was very cool. My dad is apparently a wealth in military craft knowledge, since he grew up next to the Navy base in San Diego. And by wealth of knowledge, I mean, a wealth of knowledge. Mmmm history~
Jack, I need to have a /serious/ conversation when you get back. :D Oh man that sounded ominous. o.o It's not. XD I just have to talk to you about something, it's no big deal, so don't worry~ <3 But serious. Just not... bad.
Andrew's been annoying as hell the past few years, but he's still my good friend. I just wanted you all to keep that in mind. Whatever I say here is usually an emotional vent, so unless you heard something from me live, as I said it, try not to take it completely at face value, alright? Not that you shouldn't take it seriously--for the love of GOD, please do--but most of this is just a daily venting for me. It's going to be as fickle as wind, so if the entry seems emotionally strung--and they usually are--please take it with a grain of salt, okay? I'll do you guys a favor and let you know on the entry if I'm being fanatical or if the entry is just that: an ordinary entry.
To the readers:
Um. Before you guys read this, keep in mind that this IS A DREAM. The world--and Victor's personification (as himself, haha) reflect his state of mind, his feelings, and most importantly, his thoughts. This grants me a lot of freedom in the sense that in a dream, Victor is cut down to the most basic, where worldly barriers are stripped away (also because of the presence of Steven). The situation also sucks because I have to be extremely careful not to overstep the bounds of Victor's personality. I can't stretch it too far, so I have to find that balance between raw self and his general personality.
So, just so you know, keep that in mind. :D
A light rain pitter-pattered on the roof overhead, calming Victor's nerves. He drifted into a deep slumber, and fell into a dream.
Suddenly, a breeze wafted through Victor's hair. He stared around, noting suddenly at the abrupt scenery. Victor sat, taking in the warmth of a cool summer afternoon in his favorite spot at the park. Green trees shaded him fifty feet overhead; through the deep green of the leaves, Victor spotted the vast sapphire sky, which was dotted with fluffy white clouds. Strangely, not a single person was in sight from Victor's spot, nor could he hear any human activity, such as traffic, in the distance. To Victor, now, the entire world was his favorite spot in the park, containing all the sights and sounds of nature and its tranquility.
Victor leaned back, putting his hands behind his head. He was content in the sunlight and warmth of his dream. However, he twitched and sat up when he felt his arm brush against someone sitting next to him. He turned, and his eyes widened.
"Steven!"
Steven nodded, his smile carrying as much sadness as it did warmth. Victor hesitated for a moment, and then let go; he jumped forward and clung to his brother. They both appeared in their twenties, in Victor's dream, young and much healthier, in Victor's case. Steven clung back tightly as he rubbed Victor's back in a brotherly manner, and leaned his cheek against Victor's.
"Hey, Vic," he said quietly, enjoying Victor's embrace that he had not felt since he had been a living man, before he'd gone to college.
Victor held Steven tightly. "Brother," he said over Steven's shoulder, "I wanted... to thank you for keeping me from ... hurting Jayden again that night... " Victor trailed off, leaning his head close to Steven's to feel his brother's soft hair. For a few moments, they were silent, keeping each other warm as they had throughout their cold and dark childhood.
Steven softly patted Victor's hair. "I'm glad I could help," he replied carefully. He did not want Victor to see him sad.
However, Victor knew. He felt his brother's heavy sadness and he pulled away from their embrace.
"Steven," Victor addressed, staring Steven straight in the eyes. Steven blinked. "What is it, Vic?" he asked. Victor sighed.
"You almost always kept your tears from me, but I wanted to be someone you could come to so you could cry on someone's shoulder; so you wouldn't have to sit in the bathroom in the middle of the night, or when our parents were away."
The clouds overhead gathered and darkened, and the holes between the leaves looked a heavy, serious gray.
Steven looked at his lap silently, and then gazed at Victor once again.
"I didn't... " he started, trying to chose his words, "I didn't think... you felt that way, Vic, I'm sorry."
Victor sighed and shook his head. "I told you, years ago. And like hell I'd let you comfort me and cry alone yourself--" Victor stopped himself. The breeze blew a little harder and seemed to have turned chilled.
Steven tried to stare Victor in the face, but he was unable to. His glasses glinted in the little bit of sunlight that peeked through the trees from behind the heavy cloud cover. Victor could taste words behind Steven's wall of silence.
"You cried with Jack," he said slowly. It had occurred to him before, but it had always been an afterthought of his previous hatred for Jack Howell. A gnawing hurt that was all too familiar ripped at Victor's insides, gnawing away painfully at his heart. Steven let out a soft sigh, and Victor turned his face away from his brother, Steven's silence affirming what he had said.
The cold wind whipped at their hair, and they sat silently for another moment. Steven attempted to break the silence.
"Victor, I'm sorry--" he started.
"No, it doesn't matter," Victor cut him off abruptly, the wind as sharp against Steven's skin as Victor's words were against his ears.
The cloud cover was complete, now, and although the wind seemed to have died down, a breeze in the trees overhead made the leaves shake and whisper in a mass of small, brushing voices.
"Hell, I know it must've been hard," Victor said in an offhand way, his face still turned to the side.
"You had to watch as they did their very best to destroy us, but me the most. After a while, that bastard and that bitch even almost favored you. I bet you hated that, especially because you had to watch your brother in his fall. You had to watch me in pain and there was little you could do, so you did all you could for yourself, too, and went to Jack because you were afraid your shit would hurt me."
Steven's face turned sad and concerned. "Victor," he said softly as he watched his brother. He could not see Victor's face, but he knew his brother was upset, because the world in which they were in began to rain. It was a steady, heavy drench. Not a hard torrent, but a leaden drive that poured from the sky as though God Himself were mourning. It was a rain of grief, regret and sadness.
Water dripped in cold droplets from Steven's face; however, he kept his gaze fixed on Victor, who himself sat stiffly, turned away from Steven. "Because of Sora, and Jayden I realized why the hell I felt like shit when I knew you wouldn't let me see you like that," Victor stated. Steven's head turned to the side, the concern etching lines on his face. Slowly, he removed his glasses, wiped them on his shirt, and return them to his face. "Why is that, Vic?" he asked, laying a hand on his brother's shoulder.
Slowly, Victor turned towards Steven and looked at him, water dripping sadly down his face, his black hair hanging heavily over his eyes.
"When you love people," he said forcefully, "you tend to want to help them no matter what. When they try to keep you from doing that, it hurts like a bitch. It's selfless and selfish at the same time. Fucking disgusting, isn't it?"
Steven winced at the pain and bitterness that screamed from Victor's tone. "Victor, please, I didn't know, I just didn't. I'm really sorry," he pleaded sadly to his brother. The rain lessened greatly, but the drops were large and cold; they felt like marbles and it almost hurt as they hit the brothers' skin. Victor did not seem to notice too much, however. He stared with a hard face at Steven, as though he were a judge.
Steven felt oppressed by Victor's harsh silence. "Victor, please forgive me. We both made horrible mistakes back then."
"Pfft. Yeah, right," Victor scoffed. The rain had stopped, and suddenly both the young men were dry. Clouds remained, however, and thunder rolled in the distance. The trees dripped and their leaves hung heavily with water overhead, and the air felt damp, sinister, cold.
"We did, didn't we?" Victor sneered. "They cost you a lot less, though. Every damn time you made a mistake it was always laid on me," Victor spat. The thunder rolled louder, nearer; the clouds had grown ominously dark. The sky threatened not rain this time, but a storm. Steven flinched; Victor's anger had always been fire, whether it was suppressed or whether it blazed as an inferno. It was quick to burn, and when put out, still smoldered in bitter embers.
"I didn't mean it to sound like that, Vic, I'm sorry. I should have realized what all that did to you. I should have, but I didn't. I love you Victor, I always have, I didn't mean for any of this to happen!" Steven exclaimed as the pain in his own heart became unbearable. Tears began to leak from his eyes. The clouds lightened, but Victor's expression did not. "What are you crying for?" he growled. Steven reached his hands out to Victor longingly. "I'm not crying for myself," he spoke sadly.
"I'm crying for you, because you're hurting, Brother."
Immediately the clouds lightened to a calm grey. Victor's expression relaxed and turned from anger into a soft sadness. He reached his hands to Steven's, and their palms connected, their fingers grasped each other. "Steven..."
Suddenly, Victor pulled Steven into a tight embrace once more. Steven burst into tears, unable to hold back any longer and let his own rain fall from his eyes. Wrapping his brother in his arms, Victor stroked Steven's hair, his shoulders.
"Of course I forgive you, Steve," he said sadly. Steven clung to Victor as his tears subsided, resting his face on his younger brother's shoulder.
"Thank you... Vic," he replied quietly. "I'm sorry... for everything. I love you."
There was a silence as the brothers held each other as before. Then, Victor spoke, and a sliver of sunshine broke through the cloud.
"Me too. I love you too, Steven."
MAN I STRETCHED THEIR PERSONALITIES. Oh well. NOT stretching it wasn't my goal. My goal was to work on writing structure over a longer writing process. I think I succeeded. *hands you all tissues and walks away.*
++UPDATE: 6:48PM++
I did chores and then Vati and I did a few errands. Then, we went to the mall. I bought us dinner. It was very cool. My dad is apparently a wealth in military craft knowledge, since he grew up next to the Navy base in San Diego. And by wealth of knowledge, I mean, a wealth of knowledge. Mmmm history~