1 A, 1 Incomplete, 3 Failures
When I started on this journey, I had 5 goals I set myself; 1 philosophical, 1 legal, & 3 physical.
I'll grade the results in reverse order; it's the only way I can end this post on a positive note.
The physical: I'm not going to go into details. Frankly, they aren't that important in the long run, & to be totally honest, a bit too personal, & painful to talk about right now. The basic facts I will put down are that I had 3 main areas I personally wanted to change. Over the past 2 weeks, I've had to come to terms with the fact that 2 of them will never come to pass, & I need to move on. The 3rd is still undetermined, but I don't have high hopes for, either. It will come down to how badly to I want to fight against the opposition I will almost certainly face; & I don't have any fight left in me.
The legal: Changing my name. If I were to be completely honest - which is what I always try my best to do - I wish I had never began the process. Every single step of it has been filled with such resistance, frustration, fighting & expense, that even when I DO have a small measure of victory, by then I have been robbed of any possible enjoyment of it. The court initially granted me the change back in March. After that, a long battle with narrow minded people to get my birth certificate changed, which eventually did get accomplished, but it took so much effort that I have not yet been able to bring myself to celebrate it. Considering the fact that I STILL have not been able to change ANY part of my legal identity (driver's license, etc), it just doesn't seem to mean anything. The driver's license people seem to be having the same issues as the birth certificate department. They "have never dealt with this type of thing before", & don't know how to do it. WHAT?!?! They change names for people EVERY single day!!! What's the big friggin' deal?!?!?! Social Security & the VA I have yet to hear from, and without the SSN change, I can't do anything else anyway. It is likely to come in any day now, but like I've already said, the amount of fight involved has only made it so I'll just be happy to have it done with, & no enjoyment from the accomplishment. This has NOT been worth it.
The philosophical: To live my life, completely, every day - at work, socially, & in every mundane or special minute - as who I truly am. THIS I have accomplished. Like it or not, people know who & what I am, & I wouldn't have it any other way. This part I consider the hugest victory of my life. Overall, when I include ALL the facts above with this, would I say it's been worth it? Yes. Beyond any doubt. If I had known everything before I started, I probably WOULDN'T have done any of it - but I'm glad I did.
So. 1 A. 1 Incomplete. 3 Failures.
I'll take it.
I'll grade the results in reverse order; it's the only way I can end this post on a positive note.
The physical: I'm not going to go into details. Frankly, they aren't that important in the long run, & to be totally honest, a bit too personal, & painful to talk about right now. The basic facts I will put down are that I had 3 main areas I personally wanted to change. Over the past 2 weeks, I've had to come to terms with the fact that 2 of them will never come to pass, & I need to move on. The 3rd is still undetermined, but I don't have high hopes for, either. It will come down to how badly to I want to fight against the opposition I will almost certainly face; & I don't have any fight left in me.
The legal: Changing my name. If I were to be completely honest - which is what I always try my best to do - I wish I had never began the process. Every single step of it has been filled with such resistance, frustration, fighting & expense, that even when I DO have a small measure of victory, by then I have been robbed of any possible enjoyment of it. The court initially granted me the change back in March. After that, a long battle with narrow minded people to get my birth certificate changed, which eventually did get accomplished, but it took so much effort that I have not yet been able to bring myself to celebrate it. Considering the fact that I STILL have not been able to change ANY part of my legal identity (driver's license, etc), it just doesn't seem to mean anything. The driver's license people seem to be having the same issues as the birth certificate department. They "have never dealt with this type of thing before", & don't know how to do it. WHAT?!?! They change names for people EVERY single day!!! What's the big friggin' deal?!?!?! Social Security & the VA I have yet to hear from, and without the SSN change, I can't do anything else anyway. It is likely to come in any day now, but like I've already said, the amount of fight involved has only made it so I'll just be happy to have it done with, & no enjoyment from the accomplishment. This has NOT been worth it.
The philosophical: To live my life, completely, every day - at work, socially, & in every mundane or special minute - as who I truly am. THIS I have accomplished. Like it or not, people know who & what I am, & I wouldn't have it any other way. This part I consider the hugest victory of my life. Overall, when I include ALL the facts above with this, would I say it's been worth it? Yes. Beyond any doubt. If I had known everything before I started, I probably WOULDN'T have done any of it - but I'm glad I did.
So. 1 A. 1 Incomplete. 3 Failures.
I'll take it.