Well...
*shrugs* There really isn't a whole lot to update here. Life continues to proceed in it's current fashion without much of any deviation. I still talk to the same people, do the same things, watch the same kids, and basically I feel as though I have hit a niche that I have come to grow into a quiet comfort with. It's like being a part of a total family without having the blood to back it up.
I have been doing a lot of looking into refreshers on Tarot in the spare moments where I'm not sleeping away another taxing day. It's always the good kind of tired though. Sometimes around here, I can sense tempers flaring, and even in myself on occasion, but it's all taken in stride as part of any growing relationship.
The big thing biting my subconcious right now is thinking too hard about relationship topics. Not neccessarily family, or friends. I have those. But what I'm still looking for is a lover. Fatalistically speaking I have this bad tendency to set high goals for myself in that department, and on occasion, though I know the reality of it all, I feel I become a touch deluded in my search. I know there's no such thing as perfect, just a matter of which faults you can accept and which ones you can't.
I will say this much though, in all my lovey dovey-ness, I was looking through pics online, trying to dig up some romantic homosexual themed pictures. I typed in the search window (gay romance) and was sorely disappointed. When I think of romance, I see candles, firelight, cuddling, and being close... not stacks upon stacks of porn. Yet another memo I missed, this one about gay romance meaning straight up sex. Anyway though, rare as I seem, I figure there are others out there. I just have to keep those eyes open and watch for it.
I also have an issue with wanting attention, then when I get attention, I shy away from it. Maybe I only want it from certain sources, and having such high standards, I won't accept it from any other source? *shrugs* But thus is the world I live in; full of walking contradictions. How deep is my hypocracy? Deep enough to make one wonder, lol.
By the way, how's my attempt at a new icon? *points at new icon in icon window* I made it myself. *giggles*
I have been doing a lot of looking into refreshers on Tarot in the spare moments where I'm not sleeping away another taxing day. It's always the good kind of tired though. Sometimes around here, I can sense tempers flaring, and even in myself on occasion, but it's all taken in stride as part of any growing relationship.
The big thing biting my subconcious right now is thinking too hard about relationship topics. Not neccessarily family, or friends. I have those. But what I'm still looking for is a lover. Fatalistically speaking I have this bad tendency to set high goals for myself in that department, and on occasion, though I know the reality of it all, I feel I become a touch deluded in my search. I know there's no such thing as perfect, just a matter of which faults you can accept and which ones you can't.
I will say this much though, in all my lovey dovey-ness, I was looking through pics online, trying to dig up some romantic homosexual themed pictures. I typed in the search window (gay romance) and was sorely disappointed. When I think of romance, I see candles, firelight, cuddling, and being close... not stacks upon stacks of porn. Yet another memo I missed, this one about gay romance meaning straight up sex. Anyway though, rare as I seem, I figure there are others out there. I just have to keep those eyes open and watch for it.
I also have an issue with wanting attention, then when I get attention, I shy away from it. Maybe I only want it from certain sources, and having such high standards, I won't accept it from any other source? *shrugs* But thus is the world I live in; full of walking contradictions. How deep is my hypocracy? Deep enough to make one wonder, lol.
By the way, how's my attempt at a new icon? *points at new icon in icon window* I made it myself. *giggles*