i'm probably just dehydrated.

[ajulietgrey]

my hands have been sweaty all day.
reminds me of summer.
or of snuggling with dorothy,
pre honey days.
i feel disconnected lately.
insecure lonely.
i just want attention,
but when i get it...
i start to squirm.
i dont know what's wrong with me.
i told my mom today
that i was scared to move so far from her.
i hope it made her feel good,
because it was really hard for me to say.
talked to nut for a long time lastnight.
she doesn't trust me like she used to,
but i can't blame her.
i'm mailing her a beanie.
jes might hang out sunday.
i'm really excited to see her.
we kind of aren't the same.
i hate it,
and i dont know how to change it.
jenny is doing really well,
i'm proud of her.
and i really like her new boyfriend.
i feel like i abandoned graham,
but it's hard to play both roles.
be sympathetic without being painfully honest.
he doesn't want to hear what i have to say,
so i dont answer the phone.
i'm probably a shitty person.
in the back of my mind,
i know leaving bluebyrd is a bad idea.
i'll have to work ten times harder
to get where i want to be.
but i guess that could be a good thing.
tomorrow it will be one week since dorothy and i've kissed.
i keep having dreams she is ignoring me.
it's amazing how important physical affection can be.