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[ajfish]

6.05.05

I've been writing a lot lately. Not here, obviously, but with a note pad and pen, I write sprawling letters

Comments

travis bickle / james bond and other things...

[anonymous]

got the email from you. that was nice. i won't relay what you said cuz i figure you'll hammer it out for everyone when you get ready and sort it all out. so in between my binge drinking and fusses with history professor and the family matters and the (oh god help me) police surveillance (hah, that one cracks me up) i found a lot of comfort in really strange ways... and i think you'll dig it in your own way... so here they are, random and totally cool

one is the moby remake of the james bond theme... don't ask me why, but listen to that... and you'll feel like a spy in your own life... quick , cool, with the one line remarks that are deadly timely... filled with the confidence of the super spy all things and people around you become a challenge of sorts, but nothing is too much for bickle, travis bickle, or in your case ... fish, aj fish... now go drink a vodka shaken not stirred... you know?

next... check out the nancy sinatra song from the james bond movie "you only live twice" i'll reproduce the lyrics here... i found them poetic and obscure and just flat freakin cool. you might can draw something from them... but i incourage you to hear the song to COMPLETELY understand them... it's the tone , the way she sings the words, and it'll knock your dick in the dirt on a psychic level... if not... well it didn't cost you anything huh?

YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE (NANCY SINATRA, FROM THE JAMES BOND MOVIE)

You only live twice or so it seems
One life for yourself and one for your dreams
You drift through the years and life seems tame
Till one dream appears and love is its name

And love is a stranger who'll beckon you on
Don't think of the danger or the stranger is gone
This dream is for you, so pay the price
Make one dream come true, you only live twice

And love is a stranger who'll beckon you on
Don't think of the danger or the stranger is gone
This dream is for you, so pay the price
Make one dream come true, you only live twice
Make one dream come true, you only live twice
You only
You only live twice

so see, in my weird way, i interpreted the whole god damn thing as my rebirth, or sort of raising from the dead that i've been in...

Re: travis bickle / james bond and other things...

[anonymous]

also check out the hole song malibu, again you should hear it and not only read it to get the full effect of its healing properties.

Malibu (HOLE)
Crash and burn
All the stars explode tonight
How'd you get so desperate
How'd you stay alive
Help me please
Burn the sorrow from your eyes
Oh, come on be alive again
Don't lay down and die
Hey, hey
You know what to do
Oh, baby, drive away to Malibu
Get well soon
Please don't go any higher
How are you so burnt when
You're barely on fire
Cry to the angels
I'm gonna rescue you
I'm gonna set you free tonight, baby
Pour over me
Hey, hey
We're all watching you
Oh, baby, fly away to Malibu
Cry to the angels
And let them swallow you
Go and part the sea, yeah, in Malibu
..And the sun goes down
I watch you slip away
And the sun goes down
I walk into the waves
And I knew
Love would tear you apart
Oh and I knew
The darkest secret of your heart
I'm gonna follow you
Oh baby, fly away, yeah, to Malibu
Oceans of angels
Oceans of stars
Down by the sea is where you
Drown your scars
..I can't be near you
The light just radiates
I can't be near you
The light just radiates......

also don't take those as in me speaking to you... cuz that would make me faggy... but just listen to it and you might find something in there i think. if not, just know that i thought that music is a nice way to free up the mind you know... especially if you find yourself thinking a whole lot about things that don't seem to have an answer...

now go be a "manly healer" - a.j. fish
also... the thing about what is in a name... i always thought shakespeare was full of shit. if you ask me what is in a name... i would say everything! but remember... it is ourselves who determine what name other people know us by... as when they ask who we are... we tell them, often not with words, but actions, and all the rest of that shit.

sometimes i'm houdini and
"my mind is the key that sets me free" - Harry Houdini

sometimes i'm travis bickle, or he is my inner child. a hellish little rascal who means well, but doesn't always know how to handle things.

sometimes i'm zooey glass in a shitty hillbilly remake complete with a barn instead of a new york apartment.

it's okay to have a lot of names... as long as all the names are ok with you. if they're not... only call yourself by the names you like and the others will fade. travis bickle is fading inside me to some degree now... i needed him for a while... and he'll always be there, but i can feel the james bond taking effect like a sedative before surgery, and i'm quite cool amidst all this hoop la in my life. life, looking at me and shaking it's head in confusion, told me the other day as it half laughed at my smile which it expected to be a grimace, "you're a tough little bastard huh?" i said not tough... just clever... and by the way life, the name is bond, james bond! and again i whipped the circumstances of life making that all too cliche contribution to the human spirit that john f. kennedy spoke about when he said it doesn't matter of our wins and losses, but ultimately we are remembered for our contribution to the human spirit.

so there, fish, aj fish, keep contributing to that endeavor with your spirit. start writing again... it's lonesome here in the virtual wasteland.

bond, james bond!