Crushed inside
Been a little while since I updated, and a lot of things have been going on, so now is as good a time as any to update.
We had our Secret Santa dinner and party. It was so much fun. Jeremie had me and gave me "Dating for Dummies." hahahahahaha Heather had Kyle, Ryan had Heather, Talia had Ryan, Katie had Talia, Kevin had Katie, I had Kevin, and Kyle had Jeremie. It was a great time. Jeremie wasn't bale to join us, which sucked, but stuff happened that he had to deal with and he did stop by, so it was all good. We played "Fuck the dealer," "What the F*ck," "Kings," "Never Have I Ever," and "Truth or Dare." Truth or Dare was rather interesting...we'll just leave it at that. ;)
I have been getting a chance to hang out with the girls soccer team more. I have always felt bad that I never got to hang out with them much this season, but a few live in the apartment right below us and they have Tuesday night dinner and always invite me to stop by. I never eat with them because I don't want to impose on their weekly dinner, but I do stop by to say hi, hang out a bit, and have dessert if there is some left. It's great to finally hang out with them.
I have a co-op job! I have two actually, so I can stop stressing. I am working for Blink Music in marketing and working for the Boston Comedy and Movie Festival (which is a job I have been wanting since last semester). I can now stop stressing so much about getting a job. It should be an awesome and relaxing semester, but busy during work, which is what I want.
The whole best friend issue is still hitting me hard. Since my last entry, I have actually come to think I have no best friend at all. It's been so hard for me to come to terms with it and I got tired of hearing the convention talk...it wasn't helping at all. I just feel so crushed. I want a best friend so bad and in Jeremie and Talia I really thought I had found it....but I guess I just wanted a best friend so much that I lied to myself. I don't take away the fact that we are close friends, and like Katie said, I shouldn't feel like I need to put labels on my friends, but I want and need a best friend.
It hurts so much to have been lying to myself. Jeremie I thought saw me as his best friend but to be so unsure now about that is hard to come to terms with. With Talia, I have called her my best friend for 3 years now and really wanted that to be true, but I guess it's not. I convinced myself and believed it for 3 years but I guess I was seriously wrong. I'm just so crushed inside...I'm fine on the outside; you would never guess I've still got this on my mind. I'm just trying to get passed feeling so hurt and crushed by this. It'll definitely take some time. I've talked to Jeremie about this and whatnot, though he hasn't helped me feel much better. Talia I have not talked to yet...I would like to...little afraid, but I still would like to. We'll see.
I really should get to bed now since it's 3am. Good night.
We had our Secret Santa dinner and party. It was so much fun. Jeremie had me and gave me "Dating for Dummies." hahahahahaha Heather had Kyle, Ryan had Heather, Talia had Ryan, Katie had Talia, Kevin had Katie, I had Kevin, and Kyle had Jeremie. It was a great time. Jeremie wasn't bale to join us, which sucked, but stuff happened that he had to deal with and he did stop by, so it was all good. We played "Fuck the dealer," "What the F*ck," "Kings," "Never Have I Ever," and "Truth or Dare." Truth or Dare was rather interesting...we'll just leave it at that. ;)
I have been getting a chance to hang out with the girls soccer team more. I have always felt bad that I never got to hang out with them much this season, but a few live in the apartment right below us and they have Tuesday night dinner and always invite me to stop by. I never eat with them because I don't want to impose on their weekly dinner, but I do stop by to say hi, hang out a bit, and have dessert if there is some left. It's great to finally hang out with them.
I have a co-op job! I have two actually, so I can stop stressing. I am working for Blink Music in marketing and working for the Boston Comedy and Movie Festival (which is a job I have been wanting since last semester). I can now stop stressing so much about getting a job. It should be an awesome and relaxing semester, but busy during work, which is what I want.
The whole best friend issue is still hitting me hard. Since my last entry, I have actually come to think I have no best friend at all. It's been so hard for me to come to terms with it and I got tired of hearing the convention talk...it wasn't helping at all. I just feel so crushed. I want a best friend so bad and in Jeremie and Talia I really thought I had found it....but I guess I just wanted a best friend so much that I lied to myself. I don't take away the fact that we are close friends, and like Katie said, I shouldn't feel like I need to put labels on my friends, but I want and need a best friend.
It hurts so much to have been lying to myself. Jeremie I thought saw me as his best friend but to be so unsure now about that is hard to come to terms with. With Talia, I have called her my best friend for 3 years now and really wanted that to be true, but I guess it's not. I convinced myself and believed it for 3 years but I guess I was seriously wrong. I'm just so crushed inside...I'm fine on the outside; you would never guess I've still got this on my mind. I'm just trying to get passed feeling so hurt and crushed by this. It'll definitely take some time. I've talked to Jeremie about this and whatnot, though he hasn't helped me feel much better. Talia I have not talked to yet...I would like to...little afraid, but I still would like to. We'll see.
I really should get to bed now since it's 3am. Good night.