Best friend
I could use this entry to talk about how my past weeks have been....a lot has actually happened: Moby Jr. broke down on my way to an interview ($450 later he is fine), I got lost coming back from the garage and later that night I got lost in Mattapan, I'm almost done with my Middler Year Writing portfolio, the 8 of us are doing Secret Santa, and a ton of other things....but I'm not gonna talk about that stuff now. I have some stuff on my mind that I feel like saying out loud.
One thing that has been on my mind for a really long time is the topic of best friends. I've done so much thinking on this topic for, really, years now and I couldn't possibly relay it all right now, but something did happen recently that made me think. I was at the library the other night and ran into Kelniah, and long story short, I offered her a ride home to Dorchester. On the way out of the library, she ran into a friend of hers and after the "hey, what's up....not much, you?" exchange, she said, "I'm getting a ride home from my best friend, Amanda." Kellie is not my best friend. We barely talk to or see each other...we each live our own lives and maybe make guest appearances in each other's life, but that's it. I was surprised she even thought that. To be perfectly honest, it was really uncomfortable to hear. Freaked me out a little. With that said....Talia, I'm so sorry.
The best friend topic is very confusing to me. My story is that I have never had a best friend, yet wanted one more than anything. I have been searching forever for my Shawn Hunter, so to speak, and I think I wanted it so much that I made it up. Over the past few years, I have called a ton of people my best friend (Carline and Rosemary not included, because they are family): Maida, Meg, Kellie, Pat, Kris, Heather, Stephanie, Heather Curnow, Jeremie, Joe, and Talia. Not even close to half of those do I consider my best friend today. I am very close friends with some on that list, and I in no way take that away, but some I just became so distant with and I can't possibly consider to be my best friend.
I agree that you can have more than one best friend, but I have always wanted that one true best friend. The one that is your buddy, the one that you can talk to about anything, the one you love spending time with, the one you are extremely close with.....and the one that feels the same about you. Sometimes I feel that I have kidded myself so many times that I don't believe I have actually found that person. It's a very scary feeling...to believe that no matter how you feel now, you're just kidding yourself again. :( It's that feeling that causes me to feel so incredibly alone sometimes.
I want the security that comes with a best friend. It's so nice to have that person always by your side, no matter what. When you need them, you never question if they're there....heck, they never left you. God, I want that SO much. I really think....I really hope that I'm not lying to myself when I say that I have found that person in Jeremie. This is why it is so easy for me to get jealous of the time he spends with Katie, because I sometimes worry that he is not always there for me. That's ridiculous, though, and I need to believe that. He is my best friend.....I just need to stop believing that I am lying to myself and actually realize that I'm telling myself the truth this time.
That's just something that's been on my mind lately......wow, my mind really is a confusing place. :/
One thing that has been on my mind for a really long time is the topic of best friends. I've done so much thinking on this topic for, really, years now and I couldn't possibly relay it all right now, but something did happen recently that made me think. I was at the library the other night and ran into Kelniah, and long story short, I offered her a ride home to Dorchester. On the way out of the library, she ran into a friend of hers and after the "hey, what's up....not much, you?" exchange, she said, "I'm getting a ride home from my best friend, Amanda." Kellie is not my best friend. We barely talk to or see each other...we each live our own lives and maybe make guest appearances in each other's life, but that's it. I was surprised she even thought that. To be perfectly honest, it was really uncomfortable to hear. Freaked me out a little. With that said....Talia, I'm so sorry.
The best friend topic is very confusing to me. My story is that I have never had a best friend, yet wanted one more than anything. I have been searching forever for my Shawn Hunter, so to speak, and I think I wanted it so much that I made it up. Over the past few years, I have called a ton of people my best friend (Carline and Rosemary not included, because they are family): Maida, Meg, Kellie, Pat, Kris, Heather, Stephanie, Heather Curnow, Jeremie, Joe, and Talia. Not even close to half of those do I consider my best friend today. I am very close friends with some on that list, and I in no way take that away, but some I just became so distant with and I can't possibly consider to be my best friend.
I agree that you can have more than one best friend, but I have always wanted that one true best friend. The one that is your buddy, the one that you can talk to about anything, the one you love spending time with, the one you are extremely close with.....and the one that feels the same about you. Sometimes I feel that I have kidded myself so many times that I don't believe I have actually found that person. It's a very scary feeling...to believe that no matter how you feel now, you're just kidding yourself again. :( It's that feeling that causes me to feel so incredibly alone sometimes.
I want the security that comes with a best friend. It's so nice to have that person always by your side, no matter what. When you need them, you never question if they're there....heck, they never left you. God, I want that SO much. I really think....I really hope that I'm not lying to myself when I say that I have found that person in Jeremie. This is why it is so easy for me to get jealous of the time he spends with Katie, because I sometimes worry that he is not always there for me. That's ridiculous, though, and I need to believe that. He is my best friend.....I just need to stop believing that I am lying to myself and actually realize that I'm telling myself the truth this time.
That's just something that's been on my mind lately......wow, my mind really is a confusing place. :/