Happy (Belated) New Year!
The last week or so has been quite relaxing and even productive to an extent. I've gotten a decent amount of my goals for this break accomplished and spend good time with friends and family. Christmas was good- I got all gift cards/money/clothes. Also the family got plenty of tech stuff I need to show them how to use (like my mom's MP3 player). I also helped my sister research colleges that I thought were respectable, which was fun (although difficult since she wants to major in artsy stuff). Enough of that.
I suppose that the rest of this entry will probably turn out to be a long rambling personal missive of self reflection and mental self flagellation. So skip it if you want.
As I reflect on the last year I recognize that there were many things that were good. I settled in at college a bit more, I got a couple of real jobs, I matured and thought more about things. I finally got my driver's license, learned more junk and argued less with my family. My roommate and I hosted a Tulane student. I expanded my "business" of slick dealing and made a decent amount. I met more people, had more philosophical conversations, and learned to be a bit more comfortable in social situations. I went out more and did some stuff. I explored myself more- mostly self reflection on how I think and what I want to do. BTW, I am a big fan of Myer's Brigg testing for a starting point to thinking about such things.
INTP describes me well. On the good side, 2005 was a year of growth and progression.
However, there was also a lot of things that went wrong and since I tend to be more forward thinking, so I'll spend some time on that. Academically, things really didn't go that great. Yes, they were OK and yes I can make legitimate excuses for some things but really at some point I have to take responsibility and say that quite frankly I am lazy and don't like to work hard at things/classes I hate. I had a lot of those and I will continue to have them, plus I waste a lot of time and tend to hate admitting I need help in a subject. So I have to correct that. On a personal growth note, I failed to significantly improve my social skills and still generally avoided talking to new people unless forced to/otherwise introduced. I didn't particularly make an effort to talk to or get along with my family or share things with friends. I read less books and didn't really do much to improve myself culturally or physically (work out/etc). I didn't really learn that there is more to life than the computer. Finally, I failed to make an effort at gaining a general sense of happiness or enjoyment in my life and instead settle for a sort of emotional neutrality. There are more things I could mention but that is enough for now.
I guess the real goal for 2006 would be to continue with the good and dispose of the bad. Therefore I have a set of specific goals I will achieve in 2006. Five Goals. Some are specific and some are more long term/general.
1. Improve academically. This means a strict study schedule, including several hours in the library (I hate that place for studying) sans laptop every single day of the week. It means going to extra sessions in some classes and doing more work for classes I loath. It means I will be taking classes in the summer to make sure I am on target for both my majors and for the accelerated master's program. I am my own worse enemy and I must become my own best friend.
2. Improve socially. This means forcing myself to talk to people I don't know, developing a more pleasant demeanor, going to events (like parties) I don't like and/or joining more clubs. It means sharing things sometimes with family and friends. It means learning more pop culture/sports in order to master the art of chit chat (another thing I hate). It means interacting in class with teachers and classmates and learning to be comfortable with people. Again, I can control this and I must do it.
3. Improve culturally. This means going to operas, plays, etc and reading more books. Specifically I want to focus on "popular" modern books, Eastern and Russian literature, and more modern philosophy. Also I want to watch all the movies on the IMDB Top 250 and the AFI Top 100. Every single one, even ones I know I will hate. In addition I want to improve my knowledge of art (currently none) and music (classical, offbeat, etc).
4. Improve technically/physically. This means I need to develop actual real world skills. I know a lot of junk and I am pretty good at writing, researching, doing projects, synthesizing and analyzing information, and computer stuff, but I need to learn useful things instead of theoretical. I need to learn more programming languages, get certifications for/solidify the skills I have, and learn new skills. Random skills I need like car repair and sports skills. More importantly, I could use tech skills, project skills, communication skills, organization skills, and people manipulation interaction skills. I need to work out more. I need to make myself marketable. I need to make sure I am doing my best at work. I need to come up with an idea (business or investing) that can make some decent money simple for the experience and to start thinking the right way, even if I don't implement it. I mean if some dude can sell pixels for advertising on his home page and make one million dollars, I think I can come up with a decent idea to make a few thousand.
5. Improve mentally/emotionally. This means I need to attempt to pay attention my (and other's) feelings instead of ignoring them and putting them in the equivalent of neutral. This will be hard to do at CMU, due to the nature of the school and Pittsburgh. Plus, I've been doing that for my whole life so it will be difficult to change. I think solidifying my long range 5 and 10 year plans as much as possible will also help some. Basically, I need to attempt to find a point in my life where I am happy or at least content, not just blah. Supposedly, there are health benefits to being a happy, well adjusted person. This might necessitate me actually losing some of my cynicism and developing a sense of humor. Can that be done? I don't know, but I shall try.
Well that's my year in review and my basic plan for 2006. Sorry for the rambling if you actually read all that; I just wanted to get it all down. Have a good break and good new year.