Splitting my but

[aisho]

Ok, i'm gonna split my but. lol. ANYWAY, yeah, in church, i have basically one friend. I've attended my church for over seven years now, and i only have one friend. i think it's because i didn't go to sunday school after the first year for 4 years, so i didn't have a chance to actually make friends, so then when i came back to sunday school, the girls in my grade already formed their "group" and i didn't belong. i had, like, one-time friends at VBS and all, but then i lost contact with them because either they or i didn't go to sunday school. yes anyways, then mel came along in like grade 7, and since we knew each other from school, we became church buddies, and she is my only friend at church. we do everything at church together, join the choir, go to sunday school and worship, go to fellowship, etc., ect. yes well, this year, at fellowship, we got seperated into different cell groups. and I'M A LONER!!! at least mel has julia. *humph* julia was our last year cell group's councillor, and she's really nice. i could say that she is our friend too, couldn't i... anyways, YESTERDAY! we had discussions at fellowship. me and mel picked to discuss hallowe'en over peer pressure/temptation, but then we got seperated into christian/non-christian view, by the curs-ed 1,2,1,2 count off. yeah, so, here i was, lonely sitting in a circle with kids my age discussing the non-christian views about hallowe'en. When we were done, we still had some time, so it was spent chatting. i, of course, had no one to talk to, so i stared off into space, thinking about happy thoughts. BUT THEN! Andrea started to talk to me. Andrea is really cool. she's really nice and everything. she was in my cell group last year. we had a nice conversation. see, the thing is, SHE ACTUALLY TALKED TO ME!!! people in my church do that "ok, you go to my church. so?" thing, which means that they just care about and talk to their own little big group of friends whom they've known since forever and who i've also known by name for a long time but they've never known me. and i'm not outgoing. i don't usually start conversations. the people at church, i have to say, are really really really outgoing. they're the "reach for the top" kinda people. but, me and mel just never became real friends with anyone there. so then, later, before our "debate" Melody, who was also in our cell group last year, who's really outgoing and passionate about God, and who's in charge of Didomi (i think) came to us two sitting together, and said "where were you last week? we missed you!" and i felt, like, really really good. you know why, because NO ONE ever said that to, well, me from church. we were actually missed. ;__; even if only Melody missed us, who cares, because that still made me feel really good. and actually having a conversation about whatever with Andrea made me happy too, because it made me realize, maybe even if i don't have friends in church like i do at school, there ARE people in church who has recognized my existence and would want to be my friend. that makes me happy. i'm happy.

melanie thinks i feel too much. *shurgs* sometimes, it can be a good thing, neeeeeeeeeee~