[PG-13] the sound of rain echoes

Jun 22, 2011 10:26

Title: the sound of rain echoes
Characters: Kyuhyun, Zhou Mi, Sungmin
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst, Life, Romance
Summary: AU. Kyuhyun searches for Zhou Mi through his singing.


A/N: This is a follow up to never believe, it's not so. I couldn't help myself so I wrote one. If you've noticed, I'm feeling very...pensive? melancholy? these days. LOL nothing to worry about. I just get like this sometimes. I hope you like it. Let me know what you think, honestly. :D

the sound of rain echoes

Never fading, never fading, traces of the early summer's rain
The tracks left by tears never dry
- The Past, Ninomiya Kazunari

He took a deep breath and walked onstage. The audience looked on expectantly, eyes wide and bright. There were screams and cheers of adoration and excitement as he walked to the microphone, adjusting it a bit to suit his height. He smiled and more screams echoed in the concert hall, along with some shrieks and even some howling.

He supposed he had earned it. After a year and a half of resistance, here he was, finally.

Kyuhyun was a singer. Mostly singing ballads, his voice melted the hearts of the whole Korean female (and some of the male) population. It trickled into one’s ears like molten chocolate, the kind that made one involuntarily close their eyes and shiver at its perfect taste. His voice either put people in a trance or made them sob uncontrollably.

But it wasn’t all about his velvety voice. It was what he sang about, too. There was heart in his words. He usually sang about heartbreak, loss and about searching for something out there that was real and fulfilling. It hit home to most people and what touched the heart, usually hurt and resulted in tears.

He looked to the audience as he opened his mouth and started to sing. His eyes darted to every row, every corner, every person, as if searching for a familiar face. He closed his eyes as he reached a high note in his song. He sang of disappointment and despair.

It reverberated in his whole being.

---
He yawned as he picked up the new stack of lyrics from various songwriters and composers that his manager handed to him. Although he sang his own songs, and was pretty known for doing such, it didn’t stop the lyrics and compositions from arriving at his doorstep. It started as soon as his second single became a hit and made him a star.

Suddenly, everyone wanted a piece of his fame.

But no one would have it. He wouldn’t allow them to take what wasn’t theirs.

He wouldn’t allow them to take what was only his.

---
His days were usually long, seemingly endless. He usually wondered where it ended and when it began. And the events that happened in between, usually only passed by in a blur. Interviews, photo shoots, appearances, fan signings, rehearsals. It all made him very busy and made him lack time for the one thing, the main reason, why he allowed himself to be swept in the music industry.

“I’m tired,” he announced, startling his manager and some producers who were in the meeting with him. “Can I go?”

“Kyuhyun, we’re in the middle of discussing the theme for your next concert,” his manager began, glancing uncomfortably at the producers, who had all raised their eyebrows.

“I sing ballads,” he pointed out. “I don’t do themes.”

“It’s just something to tie the whole show together,” the producer spoke up, trying to reason with him. “It’s not like we’re going to make a circus out of it.”

“This whole thing is a circus,” he told them in a flat voice and walked out of the room.

---
It took him a year to find his own footing.

As soon as he left the circus, which was the life that he had known for all of his life, the rain started to fall. And he lost his balance, slipping and tripping all over himself and his tears.

He searched high and low for him. Everywhere he looked, he hoped to see a flash of red hair, a glimpse of that wide smile and a twinkle of those bright eyes. But he never could find them, he never could see.

And what he couldn’t find and couldn’t see, he tried to obtain in others.

“Kyuhyun.”

He silenced the moan with his mouth, making the voice that was screaming his name, go mute, breathless. He leaned his head back, biting his lip and shutting his eyes as his world tilted on its axis.

“Zhou Mi.”

“It’s Hangeng.”

“Hangeng,” he stupidly repeated, giving him a mind-blowing kiss just to ease him out of the misery that he would never be remembered.

Zhou Mi.

It always made him feel emptier than he already was.

---
“Well, look who it is.”

He turned around, startled to hear a familiar voice, startled to know that it was still familiar even after three years.

“Sungmin,” Kyuhyun greeted him with a hug. “How are you?”

Sungmin chuckled as he looked away and got a good look at him. “You look disappointed,” he finally commented, tilting his head a bit, a sly look in his foxy eyes.

Kyuhyun merely shrugged, not bothering to deny what was obvious to the both of them.

---
He and Sungmin were never the best of friends. Sungmin was more of Zhou Mi’s friend than his. When he thought about it, he wondered if he could really call any of the people he had worked with in the circus as friends.

It was a world that was all about putting on a show. How much of the niceness and the seeming friendship was real? He didn’t think he would ever know.

“Why are you doing this, Kyuhyun?” Sungmin casually asked as he poked the salmon on his plate.

“Why am I doing what?” Kyuhyun asked as he brought the wine glass to his mouth.

“Singing,” Sungmin clarified with an eye roll. “You hummed back in the day, but this…singing in front of an audience? In front of the whole of Korea? Really?”

Kyuhyun shrugged. “I have my reasons.”

“I thought you weren’t the type,” Sungmin mused, watching him closely.

(“No one’s brave enough to do what Seasoning did,” Heechul stated, inhaling smoke from the cigarette in his hand. “When you stay in one place long enough, you start to accept things and become resigned. He’s different. He couldn’t and wouldn’t accept things. I always knew he wasn’t going to stay. He dared not believe and dared not to be cooped up in a place where everything is plastic and becomes plastic after time.”

“He doesn’t seem like the type,” Kyuhyun agreed, not knowing what else to say.

“Are you the type?” Heechul questioned straightforwardly.

Kyuhyun shrugged. “Zhou Mi didn’t seem to think so,” he then said after a second.

Heechul gave him a sad smile.)

“I’m not,” Kyuhyun firmly declared. “This is different.”

“You’re lying to yourself then,” Sungmin commented, shrugging. “If you think this industry is any different from the circus, then-.”

“It’s not different,” Kyuhyun cut him off, a cold look in his eyes, throwing Sungmin off. “But I am.”

Sungmin studied him for a bit. “I really hope, for your sake, that you’re right.”

---
Gazing at this violet, it's so beautiful
But one day it will wither...
Time blends with the crimson of the evening
Leaving two reflections on the water's surface...
I was so afraid to see those silhouettes
Join together to become one
I noticed it too late
Only one is reflected there...

The seeds I buried in my heart then
Began to sprout after the twentieth day
The form, the shape may be different, but the love is unchanging
A gently shining light

---
Kyuhyun blinked in confusion as the first drop of rain hit his forehead. Glancing up at the dark gray and cloudy sky, he watched as it started to cry, its tears soaking him wet.

And just right then, as he sang in front of an audience that paid so much to hear him sing, to witness him resonate things that came from his heart, he bared his soul and wept.

It wasn’t the search for something real that made him leave the circus. It was the search for love. For that one particular love.

He realized then that Sungmin had been right. He ached so much to be loved and he had looked for it in all the wrong places, in the wrong people. But it was a realization a tad bit too late. Now, it seemed that he would never find that particular love.

He had done everything he could. After he had left the circus, he vowed that he would find Zhou Mi. He would find the person who seemed to see the beauty and poise and seemed to believe in all the innocence in him. He traveled the whole of South Korea for a year. But it was all for naught. He couldn’t find him. It was then that he’d realized that maybe he had left the country for good, off to search for much, much greener pastures.

Singing came to him, like a thief in the night. He badly needed some money and was forced to sing at a club one night. All it took was a song, a card in his hand and a persistent agent.

Everything just, sort of, fell into place after he had agreed to sign the contract.

He was to write his own songs because he wanted to send out a particular message to that particular person.

The curiosity of whether Zhou Mi had listened to any of his songs at least once ate at him everyday. But he figured it was useless to hope. Because if he had heard them and had understood that it was all for him, it was obvious that he didn’t care.

He hadn’t come to see him, hadn’t he?

---
“Where do you get all this optimism from, Kyuhyun?” Sungmin asked him as he downed a shot of soju. “What makes you keep hoping that Zhou Mi will actually hear your songs and come running into your arms?”

“Nothing,” Kyuhyun muttered with a shrug.

“Then what’s keeping you in this business?” Sungmin pressed, pouring more soju in his shot glass. “I know you would prefer not being here at all.”

“If there was another way, I wouldn’t be here,” Kyuhyun muttered, grabbing the bottle of soju from him and drinking from the bottle. “As it is, this is as good as it gets.”

“Or maybe this is temporary,” Sungmin suggested, drunkenly lifting a shoulder. “Maybe he’ll come back soon and dazzle us all once again with his perfect teeth and sharp nose.” He downed another shot. And another.

Kyuhyun watched as Sungmin reached out to grab the bottle of soju, almost knocking it down in the process. It confused him. He couldn’t remember a time where Sungmin was rumpled and ungainly and undone.

“Sungmin,” Kyuhyun slowly inquired. “Do you…miss Zhou Mi?”

“You’re not the only one who got left behind,” was Sungmin’s slurred response.

---
There were days when he accepted dinner invitations from some of the friends he had in the entertainment industry. Singers and actors who had debuted earlier than him. People who had become ingrained in the craziness of the business. People who had become jaded. They were reminders of what he didn’t want to become.

“Lighten up, Kyuhyun,” Kibum, a popular actor, insisted teasingly. “Have a drink.”

“Just one?” Jessica, also a singer, pleaded, batting her perfectly glued and curled long lashes at him. Her arm was sneakily placed around his. Gingerly, but coyly, she pushed a drink towards him. Her smiled brightened when Kyuhyun gave in and drank it in one gulp.

Kibum and Jessica exchanged a triumphant look.

One drink became two.

Two drinks became three.

Soon, he couldn’t even count anymore.

He figured if he was going to get smashed. He might as well be with friends. Although he hadn’t known them for very long, they were always consistent in inviting him out. He figured he could do them the service of having fun under their watch.

That was until he fell on the floor. And no one was around to help him back up.

He brought a hand to his pounding head. The last thing he remembered was that he was dancing with Jessica. Or was it Kibum? He groaned and tried to push himself up. But his legs were like jelly and didn’t want to cooperate.

He sat there and stared (or tried to) at his muddled reflection on the polished marble floor.

One thing he learned from that experience: friendship didn’t exist in the celebrity world. There were contacts, business partners, collaborators and companions. Everything was for appearances.

It made him miss the circus.

---
He was dreaming.

Or maybe he was dead.

Either way, this wouldn’t happen in his reality.

Zhou Mi wouldn’t be cradling him on his lap, dabbing his face with a cold compress, and humming a soothing song to him.

He didn’t know where Zhou Mi was, but he definitely wouldn’t be with him right now.

He tightly closed his eyes, wanting to wake up, but not really, and drifted off into sleep.

---
He gripped the microphone tightly with both hands as he sang with everything that he had in his heart. He closed his eyes and belted out notes that he would have shouted in some desolate mountaintop somewhere otherwise. He didn’t think he had the heart to voice out these feelings anywhere else. He didn’t think he could say them unmasked.

This was to be his final performance in a while.

It had been two years. Two years of pomp and circumstance that amounted to nothing in the end. He didn’t care about the fame and the glamour. It was nothing to him because they weren’t why he was there in the first place.

It was now time to get out.

Maybe temporarily, maybe forever. He really didn’t care anymore. What he wanted was to curl up in a ball in his apartment and stay there ceaselessly. It wouldn’t make a difference.

As he stared at his made-up reflection in the dressing room after his last song, he wondered if he was still the same person he was all those years ago. He wondered if he still had that beauty, poise and innocence.

“All that is gold does not glitter.”

Kyuhyun choked on his own saliva as he saw the tall and slim reflection on the mirror. He slowly turned around, hoping that he wasn’t dreaming.

“This is as real as it’s going to get, Kyuhyun,” Zhou Mi told him, reaching him in two strides, and giving him a peck on the lips.

“What-but-you’re-,” Kyuhyun sputtered unbecomingly. He blinked as realization dawned on him.

“I couldn’t not hear your songs even if I wanted to,” Zhou Mi confessed, still looking down on him.

“But you didn’t come see me,” Kyuhyun responded, almost regretfully.

“You needed this,” Zhou Mi stated. “More than I did. If I hadn’t gotten out, if I hadn’t left, you wouldn’t even try to experience things for yourself, you wouldn’t even dare to see what’s out there.”

“Everything I did after I left was to find you,” Kyuhyun boldly divulged. “I wanted to see what was out there with you.”

“I’m here now.”

Kyuhyun closed his eyes as Zhou Mi sealed the promise with a kiss.

---

end.

-----
A/N:
1. Song used is The Past by Ninomiya Kazunari of Arashi
2. Yes, this is QMi once more. When I attempt to write yaoi it always, ALWAYS ends up being QMi. BUT I'll try my hand at writing KyuHyuk soon. Haha!
3. /runs away

pairing: qmi, genre: life, rated: pg-13, genre: angst, pairing: kyumi, genre: romance, title: t, author: a, title: s

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