Step away from the crazy OTP-lady.
So this may be a bit rambley, but I want to talk about my favourite boy-pairing in the whole wide world: McKay/Sheppard.
Call it McShep, John/Rodney, McKay/Sheppard...it all comes out the same - i.e. making me grin like an idiot. And that's sort of what I want to talk about.
Oh god - where do I start? The thing is, I've been a McShep fan for a long time now (since about October 2005! Bloody hell!) It's the longest I've ever been in a fandom and though it's waxed and waned (bandom of course has helped it wane at times) these boys remain my absolutely favourites.
However, recently, since season 4 and through season 5, I feel very different about them. I know it sounds crazy, but I've gone from slashing them pretty heavily, to being totally tin-hatty about them.
Two things in season 4 pretty much set the tin hat and ground it firmly in. The first was John's reaction to Rodney "dying" in "Doppelganger". He was devastated. Carson died and John soldiered on. Elizabeth was going to die and John soldiered on (even going so far as to oppose the suggested "cure"). Rodney dies? And John can't even walk straight. His fear, the thing that the doppelganger uses against him, is Rodney dying.
And then he's being beaten up and killed himself! And still he isn't really fighting back. Then boom - cue Rodney with swelling music (ehem) and John gets back to his feet.
COME ON! Really? John's worst fear is Rodney dying? He can't function if he's gone? GOD. Even thinking about it makes me brim with utter glee!
Then they gave us "Miller's Crossing". And, well, my running commentary gives some of my reaction to it. Because DEAR LORD. The bit at the end where Rodney - Rodney who calls him "John" only when it really matters, calls him John and tells him that he can't watch his sister die. And John - John tells him in the only way he knows how, that he can't watch Rodney die.
"I can't"
Never have two words given me such utter gleeful joy. The look on John's face as he tells Rodney that he CAN'T let Rodney die to save his sister. His eyes are begging for Rodney to understand. And then he... presents a situation.
And that was it. Just like that, from OTPing slasher to tin hat. John is completely and utterly in love with Rodney. He told us twice or more.
And then add that in to the other canon that ties in. They canonically spend almost all their down-time together, by choice. And we know that it's not just about the game they are playing - because if it was, then when the game was over, taken away from them - it would stop. But no - they play chess instead. It's not the game - it's each other.
Then tie in "Quarantine" where John tries to sabotage Rodney seeing Katie to spend more time with him. It's all just so....GAY. Soooooo in luuuuurve :D
But ok - you could, up to a point, argue that Rodney is oblivious. It doesn't mean that Rodney loves John.
Enter The Shrine.
Now of course I don't know what's going to happen going forward regarding Rodney's confession of love for Keller, but the first thing I thought when he said it was "But you haven't even been on a proper date!"
Now, of course I'm biased, but I can work around most obstacles to make my OTP work (people can get DIVORCED, you know. Or have affairs because their partner is a beard. Except what happened to Sirius of course - hard to work around) so I don't worry too much about het pairings and the like. But I at least like them to make sense. John/Teyla? It makes some sense. Ronon/Teyla ditto. There's history.
However, tie in Rodney's thing with Katie and what do we get? A man who's looking for a relationship with a woman and seems to latch onto any woman who displays interest. Seriously! I'm not saying he doesn't LIKE them, but confessing to be in love with a woman who you've had ONE drink with ONCE? Because they clearly, from their own conversation, not spent really any other time alone together.
And both Keller and Katie Brown both seem to see him as this fluffy puppy, if only you get past the, you know, Rodneyness. But, as Katie learned, he is both and to love him, you have to love both.
(Enter John...who clearly does... but anyway - back to that in a sec)
(Also? I'm totally not Jennifer-bashing! I think she's AWESOME and of all the Rodney-het relationship options I think she's far and away the best. If they actually KNEW each other better...)
And you see - Rodney thinks that he's in love with Jennifer. She's beautiful and likes him and wow, dude. Yay! And he confesses that. When he still has the bits of his brain that tell him what he should want.
But Jennifer isn't the name that he's calling when he's running through Atlantis, scared after having woken up alone. He fell asleep and John was there. (Not Jennifer because Rodney says that John was there when he went to sleep and John says he thought that Rodney was asleep - not that he left someone else still there). He woke up and he was alone. Who does he want? Who does he go hunting for? John. And John saying to him "I'm not going anywhere" with that look in his eyes. God. He's there. For Rodney.
*Takes a moment to grin like a loon*
And when he's further gone - when everyone comes to see him - he's greeting everyone by name, but it's when he sees John that he grins ("Hi John!") and it's clear that John's been there a LOT.
And when he's having trouble even remembering his own name, it's John he's shouting out for. Where's John? He was there, now he's not. And I - god. I can't tell you how much that pulls at my heartstrings. That it's John who makes his face light up with the trusting smile of joy. He's there for Rodney, even when Rodney is hard to be there for.
Watching John though - god it's hard to see sometimes. He's doing it for Rodney. You can see the easy grin and upbeatness just drain out of him whenever he doesn't have to keep it up for Rodney's sake. He's just gutted - canonically - but not showing that to Rodney.
Then the bit on the pier. And though the episode marks Rodney telling Jennifer that he loves her, the main scene of the episode - the heart of it almost - is John and Rodney on the pier. It's Rodney trying to say goodbye and John not letting him. John not WANTING to say goodbye. It's how even when Rodney's ill, John fucks with him and Rodney fucks with him back and they laugh together. It's about the way that John's eyes are so dark and hurting when Rodney tells him "In a week or so, I won't even remember my name". When that comments sinks in and John just looks down. It makes my heart just clench for him.
And then "You're stuck with me Rodney, just accept it." Because John can't back away. He's there for him and will be, until the end. He's the one that we see the big, emotional "goodbye-that-isn't-goodbye" for. John and Rodney.
And I swear, even if Rodney and Keller marry and Rodney and/or John stand up in front of the whole world to declare how straight they are (especially John - dude, GAY), nothing can make me think that they aren't completely, head over heels in love with each other.
And maybe Rodney is trying to find love with a woman, but maybe that's because he's having trouble realising that he's in love with John. Is it significant that he takes so long to call John by his first name? Is he holding himself back from that intimacy? And then, when it matters most he uses it and it makes that moment so much more intimate to watch than almost anything else I've seen.
Or maybe it's trusting that John is in love with him. But if he had seen John's eyes looking at him all through "The Shrine" he wouldn't doubt.
Because John loves Rodney. Not the fluffy puppy he thinks is underneath (though he adores Rodney's sekrit-bravery) but the snarky, sarcastic, arrogant man that yes, is also a fluffy puppy. He canonically wants to spend most of his free time with him. And chooses to be there even when it must be so hard to see Rodney deteriorating.
And because Rodney loves John. He respects him, which he doesn't many people. He cares what John thinks of things and of him. He talks to John about his problems, and when he wakes up terrified in the middle of the night, he runs to John, shouting his name.
I just - IDEK, guys. I'm in love and it's with two fictional men who I whole-heartedly and tin-hattedly believe are in love with each other.
Now come and talk to me about loving these boys. Please?
Call it McShep, John/Rodney, McKay/Sheppard...it all comes out the same - i.e. making me grin like an idiot. And that's sort of what I want to talk about.
Oh god - where do I start? The thing is, I've been a McShep fan for a long time now (since about October 2005! Bloody hell!) It's the longest I've ever been in a fandom and though it's waxed and waned (bandom of course has helped it wane at times) these boys remain my absolutely favourites.
However, recently, since season 4 and through season 5, I feel very different about them. I know it sounds crazy, but I've gone from slashing them pretty heavily, to being totally tin-hatty about them.
Two things in season 4 pretty much set the tin hat and ground it firmly in. The first was John's reaction to Rodney "dying" in "Doppelganger". He was devastated. Carson died and John soldiered on. Elizabeth was going to die and John soldiered on (even going so far as to oppose the suggested "cure"). Rodney dies? And John can't even walk straight. His fear, the thing that the doppelganger uses against him, is Rodney dying.
And then he's being beaten up and killed himself! And still he isn't really fighting back. Then boom - cue Rodney with swelling music (ehem) and John gets back to his feet.
COME ON! Really? John's worst fear is Rodney dying? He can't function if he's gone? GOD. Even thinking about it makes me brim with utter glee!
Then they gave us "Miller's Crossing". And, well, my running commentary gives some of my reaction to it. Because DEAR LORD. The bit at the end where Rodney - Rodney who calls him "John" only when it really matters, calls him John and tells him that he can't watch his sister die. And John - John tells him in the only way he knows how, that he can't watch Rodney die.
"I can't"
Never have two words given me such utter gleeful joy. The look on John's face as he tells Rodney that he CAN'T let Rodney die to save his sister. His eyes are begging for Rodney to understand. And then he... presents a situation.
And that was it. Just like that, from OTPing slasher to tin hat. John is completely and utterly in love with Rodney. He told us twice or more.
And then add that in to the other canon that ties in. They canonically spend almost all their down-time together, by choice. And we know that it's not just about the game they are playing - because if it was, then when the game was over, taken away from them - it would stop. But no - they play chess instead. It's not the game - it's each other.
Then tie in "Quarantine" where John tries to sabotage Rodney seeing Katie to spend more time with him. It's all just so....GAY. Soooooo in luuuuurve :D
But ok - you could, up to a point, argue that Rodney is oblivious. It doesn't mean that Rodney loves John.
Enter The Shrine.
Now of course I don't know what's going to happen going forward regarding Rodney's confession of love for Keller, but the first thing I thought when he said it was "But you haven't even been on a proper date!"
Now, of course I'm biased, but I can work around most obstacles to make my OTP work (people can get DIVORCED, you know. Or have affairs because their partner is a beard. Except what happened to Sirius of course - hard to work around) so I don't worry too much about het pairings and the like. But I at least like them to make sense. John/Teyla? It makes some sense. Ronon/Teyla ditto. There's history.
However, tie in Rodney's thing with Katie and what do we get? A man who's looking for a relationship with a woman and seems to latch onto any woman who displays interest. Seriously! I'm not saying he doesn't LIKE them, but confessing to be in love with a woman who you've had ONE drink with ONCE? Because they clearly, from their own conversation, not spent really any other time alone together.
And both Keller and Katie Brown both seem to see him as this fluffy puppy, if only you get past the, you know, Rodneyness. But, as Katie learned, he is both and to love him, you have to love both.
(Enter John...who clearly does... but anyway - back to that in a sec)
(Also? I'm totally not Jennifer-bashing! I think she's AWESOME and of all the Rodney-het relationship options I think she's far and away the best. If they actually KNEW each other better...)
And you see - Rodney thinks that he's in love with Jennifer. She's beautiful and likes him and wow, dude. Yay! And he confesses that. When he still has the bits of his brain that tell him what he should want.
But Jennifer isn't the name that he's calling when he's running through Atlantis, scared after having woken up alone. He fell asleep and John was there. (Not Jennifer because Rodney says that John was there when he went to sleep and John says he thought that Rodney was asleep - not that he left someone else still there). He woke up and he was alone. Who does he want? Who does he go hunting for? John. And John saying to him "I'm not going anywhere" with that look in his eyes. God. He's there. For Rodney.
*Takes a moment to grin like a loon*
And when he's further gone - when everyone comes to see him - he's greeting everyone by name, but it's when he sees John that he grins ("Hi John!") and it's clear that John's been there a LOT.
And when he's having trouble even remembering his own name, it's John he's shouting out for. Where's John? He was there, now he's not. And I - god. I can't tell you how much that pulls at my heartstrings. That it's John who makes his face light up with the trusting smile of joy. He's there for Rodney, even when Rodney is hard to be there for.
Watching John though - god it's hard to see sometimes. He's doing it for Rodney. You can see the easy grin and upbeatness just drain out of him whenever he doesn't have to keep it up for Rodney's sake. He's just gutted - canonically - but not showing that to Rodney.
Then the bit on the pier. And though the episode marks Rodney telling Jennifer that he loves her, the main scene of the episode - the heart of it almost - is John and Rodney on the pier. It's Rodney trying to say goodbye and John not letting him. John not WANTING to say goodbye. It's how even when Rodney's ill, John fucks with him and Rodney fucks with him back and they laugh together. It's about the way that John's eyes are so dark and hurting when Rodney tells him "In a week or so, I won't even remember my name". When that comments sinks in and John just looks down. It makes my heart just clench for him.
And then "You're stuck with me Rodney, just accept it." Because John can't back away. He's there for him and will be, until the end. He's the one that we see the big, emotional "goodbye-that-isn't-goodbye" for. John and Rodney.
And I swear, even if Rodney and Keller marry and Rodney and/or John stand up in front of the whole world to declare how straight they are (especially John - dude, GAY), nothing can make me think that they aren't completely, head over heels in love with each other.
And maybe Rodney is trying to find love with a woman, but maybe that's because he's having trouble realising that he's in love with John. Is it significant that he takes so long to call John by his first name? Is he holding himself back from that intimacy? And then, when it matters most he uses it and it makes that moment so much more intimate to watch than almost anything else I've seen.
Or maybe it's trusting that John is in love with him. But if he had seen John's eyes looking at him all through "The Shrine" he wouldn't doubt.
Because John loves Rodney. Not the fluffy puppy he thinks is underneath (though he adores Rodney's sekrit-bravery) but the snarky, sarcastic, arrogant man that yes, is also a fluffy puppy. He canonically wants to spend most of his free time with him. And chooses to be there even when it must be so hard to see Rodney deteriorating.
And because Rodney loves John. He respects him, which he doesn't many people. He cares what John thinks of things and of him. He talks to John about his problems, and when he wakes up terrified in the middle of the night, he runs to John, shouting his name.
I just - IDEK, guys. I'm in love and it's with two fictional men who I whole-heartedly and tin-hattedly believe are in love with each other.
Now come and talk to me about loving these boys. Please?