Fic: Spencer is a Girl
Title: Spencer is a Girl
Fandom: Bandslash - P!atD
Pairings: Jon/Spencer
Rating: G
Words: ~1200
Disclaimer: Ostensibly not true, but seriously - you've seen pictures of Spencer, right? I'm thinking the truth will come out in their Behind the Music. Until then I say it 'ain't true.
Summary: Spencer is actually a girl. No one by Ryan knows. Though I'm sure his parents have a clue.
Thank you to the wonderful and talented strangecobwebs for betaing and saving me from the worst of my fingers' inability to spell.
Also thanks to madsciencechick for pointing out a few places where I'd been monumentally unclear with my boy/girl references. Edited with her very kind help.
Spencer is a girl.
No - really.
He's (she's) always been a girl, since forever. Or at least since the day that her mom and dad had a special cuddle in bed and...you get the picture. Double x's. No y.
Ryan knows. Ryan also knows about how Spencer kind of hates being a girl. People stare. Ryan hates kind of looking like a girl so they became fast friends, The End.
Except Spencer wants to be a boy and date girls. (She doesn't realise that she can be a girl and date girls.) She tells Ryan when they're 14 and Ryan spends a while laughing and calling her a dyke. Spencer beats him up and that's the end of the laughing. Ryan agrees to start telling people who don't know Spencer from school that Spencer's a boy to see how many believe it. It's not too hard a sell. When people joke about Spencer looking like a butch lesbian rather than a boy? Spencer smiles an icy smile and pretends to enjoy the joke. She kind of does if she's honest.
Brent believes it. There are some hairy moments (one involves a Canadian flag and some tweezers) but Brent never finds out. Ryan has a crow bar all prepared in case someone needs beaten to death on Spencer's behalf. Ryan's a good friend. He doesn't even laugh when Spencer tells him fine, ok, she wouldn't mind dating boys too. And does that make her gay? Ryan doesn't point out that liking girls makes her gay because he knows that Spencer knows where the crow bar is kept.
But it all gets a little out of hand.
Oh course Brent and Brendon are going to figure out that "he" is a "she" and when they do it'll be funny. A great joke! They'll laugh about it in Rolling Stone articles about how Spencer is an ace-hot cool girl-drummer ("But I thought you wanted to be a boy?", "I do, but if I can't, then being an ace-hot cool girl-drummer is the next best thing.", "Why don't you just have a sex change, officially?" "I don't want to lose my girl-bits!" "You're confusing." "Shut up.") and keeps the boys in line.
Brent and Brendon don't figure it out. And it's been a few years now. It really isn't that funny anymore.
Ok - maybe a little funny.
In that way where Spencer sends Ryan to buy tampons for her and laughs when he blushes every single time. Or when Ryan laughs at Spencer's flatchestedness and Spencer punches him really hard in the balls and makes him cry.
And one of these days someone's going to talk to someone and the news will break that Spencer Smith of Panic! at the Disco is actually a girl. And when it's all over a news article it won't be Spencer's joke to tell - it will be a secret that she kept from some of her best friends. She worries about that sometimes, but mainly she doesn't.
************************************
Jon was worried that he was gay. Not "worried" per se, but definitely concerned. He didn't object to gayness as a life choice, but he'd just never seen it on himself before. It was like suddenly seeing himself in orange after a life spent wearing aquamarine.
He also thought that his similes definitely pointed towards incipient gayhood.
He'd been around gay a lot. He'd even had gay offered to him regularly, which was nice, but he'd just never felt a need to indulge.
Maybe it was because Spencer looked like a really angry lesbian? Jon hadn't found himself particularly drawn to really angry lesbians before, but it was something that always sprang to mind when hanging out with Spencer. Anger. Gayness. Though it was maybe his own blossoming gayness coloring his perceptions.
"Jon?" A voice penetrated Jon's internal meanderings.
"Hmmm?" He replied.
"Why are you staring at my crotch?" Jon suddenly focused on what he was staring at across the couch.
"Um," he said. He dragged his eyes to to Spencer's. Thankfully it was Amused-Spencer looking back and not Angry-Spencer who was terrifying and made Brendon whimper. "I think I might be gay." Jon clamped a horrified hand over his mouth, eyes wide. Why the hell had he said that? Yes - Spencer made his palms sweat and his limbs tingle (the penis was a limb, right? Appendage?) and would smile at him from under his lashes in a way that made Jon's brain want to float out of the top of his head, but Spencer had shown no signs of being gay himself.
Except, of course, for sometimes making out with the occasional guy. And there was the time he was sure Pete Wentz had got a grope behind one of the tour buses (Jon thought it might have been more than a grope because for a while afterwards Pete didn't ever seem to stop watching Spencer.) Also, Spencer and Ryan would sometimes sneak off places and Brendon had assured him that it was because Ryan was claiming his conjugal rights for finding Spencer's drumming talents. Apparently it had been going on for a while.
So possibly not straight, but that didn't mean anything. He had also seen Spencer hook up with a great many women. Far more than the guys. William Beckett counted as a woman, right?
Of course the whole dilemma was solved when Spencer leaned over and kissed Jon soundly. Jon mentally threw the Gay/notGay issue behind the sofa for someone else to find and pulled Spencer down on top of him. He also wriggled a little with glee.
Spencer pulled away. Jon pouted.
"You're not gay, Jon Walker," Spencer announced. He sounded pretty sure so Jon considered this. He was, however, distracted by Spencer's hotness and instead leaned in to lick his neck.
"You're not gay!" Spencer shifted to sit up, straddling Jon's hips, and unzipped the white hoodie he was wearing. Jon watched the zip lower and tingled as Spencer pulled it and his t-shirt off, exposing his beautiful, small breasts. Jon reached up and stroked a hand down between then, almost purring with pleasure.
Wait...breasts?
Jon paused. Spencer slapped him round the back of the head. And then kissed him again. Jon shrugged. It was Spencer and Spencer was hot.
*******************
It was much funnier now that only Brendon didn't know. Jon would make statements at the breakfast table like "I'm not gay - I'm just gay for Spencer" and Brendon would be all confused while Ryan, Spencer and Jon all wet themselves laughing.
They also had "Who Looks Most Like A Girl" competitions that Brendon always won and Spencer was sure that Ryan had paid Jon to take over buying the tampons.
They spent far too much time trying to come up with the perfect "How To Have Brendon Find Out" plans (officially drawn up in the back of Ryan's notebook.) Ryan's involved two magnifying glasses made into a bra and Spencer punched him in the balls again. And Jon too for laughing. Ryan only seemed slightly miffed that Jon's punishment was offset by the really loud sex Spencer had with him later.
Spencer still likes pretending to be a boy and Jon happily lets her boss him around. And other things. And really, living as a boy is good and life as a girl is good. An ace-hot cool girl-boy-drummer.
Fandom: Bandslash - P!atD
Pairings: Jon/Spencer
Rating: G
Words: ~1200
Disclaimer: Ostensibly not true, but seriously - you've seen pictures of Spencer, right? I'm thinking the truth will come out in their Behind the Music. Until then I say it 'ain't true.
Summary: Spencer is actually a girl. No one by Ryan knows. Though I'm sure his parents have a clue.
Thank you to the wonderful and talented strangecobwebs for betaing and saving me from the worst of my fingers' inability to spell.
Also thanks to madsciencechick for pointing out a few places where I'd been monumentally unclear with my boy/girl references. Edited with her very kind help.
Spencer is a girl.
No - really.
He's (she's) always been a girl, since forever. Or at least since the day that her mom and dad had a special cuddle in bed and...you get the picture. Double x's. No y.
Ryan knows. Ryan also knows about how Spencer kind of hates being a girl. People stare. Ryan hates kind of looking like a girl so they became fast friends, The End.
Except Spencer wants to be a boy and date girls. (She doesn't realise that she can be a girl and date girls.) She tells Ryan when they're 14 and Ryan spends a while laughing and calling her a dyke. Spencer beats him up and that's the end of the laughing. Ryan agrees to start telling people who don't know Spencer from school that Spencer's a boy to see how many believe it. It's not too hard a sell. When people joke about Spencer looking like a butch lesbian rather than a boy? Spencer smiles an icy smile and pretends to enjoy the joke. She kind of does if she's honest.
Brent believes it. There are some hairy moments (one involves a Canadian flag and some tweezers) but Brent never finds out. Ryan has a crow bar all prepared in case someone needs beaten to death on Spencer's behalf. Ryan's a good friend. He doesn't even laugh when Spencer tells him fine, ok, she wouldn't mind dating boys too. And does that make her gay? Ryan doesn't point out that liking girls makes her gay because he knows that Spencer knows where the crow bar is kept.
But it all gets a little out of hand.
Oh course Brent and Brendon are going to figure out that "he" is a "she" and when they do it'll be funny. A great joke! They'll laugh about it in Rolling Stone articles about how Spencer is an ace-hot cool girl-drummer ("But I thought you wanted to be a boy?", "I do, but if I can't, then being an ace-hot cool girl-drummer is the next best thing.", "Why don't you just have a sex change, officially?" "I don't want to lose my girl-bits!" "You're confusing." "Shut up.") and keeps the boys in line.
Brent and Brendon don't figure it out. And it's been a few years now. It really isn't that funny anymore.
Ok - maybe a little funny.
In that way where Spencer sends Ryan to buy tampons for her and laughs when he blushes every single time. Or when Ryan laughs at Spencer's flatchestedness and Spencer punches him really hard in the balls and makes him cry.
And one of these days someone's going to talk to someone and the news will break that Spencer Smith of Panic! at the Disco is actually a girl. And when it's all over a news article it won't be Spencer's joke to tell - it will be a secret that she kept from some of her best friends. She worries about that sometimes, but mainly she doesn't.
************************************
Jon was worried that he was gay. Not "worried" per se, but definitely concerned. He didn't object to gayness as a life choice, but he'd just never seen it on himself before. It was like suddenly seeing himself in orange after a life spent wearing aquamarine.
He also thought that his similes definitely pointed towards incipient gayhood.
He'd been around gay a lot. He'd even had gay offered to him regularly, which was nice, but he'd just never felt a need to indulge.
Maybe it was because Spencer looked like a really angry lesbian? Jon hadn't found himself particularly drawn to really angry lesbians before, but it was something that always sprang to mind when hanging out with Spencer. Anger. Gayness. Though it was maybe his own blossoming gayness coloring his perceptions.
"Jon?" A voice penetrated Jon's internal meanderings.
"Hmmm?" He replied.
"Why are you staring at my crotch?" Jon suddenly focused on what he was staring at across the couch.
"Um," he said. He dragged his eyes to to Spencer's. Thankfully it was Amused-Spencer looking back and not Angry-Spencer who was terrifying and made Brendon whimper. "I think I might be gay." Jon clamped a horrified hand over his mouth, eyes wide. Why the hell had he said that? Yes - Spencer made his palms sweat and his limbs tingle (the penis was a limb, right? Appendage?) and would smile at him from under his lashes in a way that made Jon's brain want to float out of the top of his head, but Spencer had shown no signs of being gay himself.
Except, of course, for sometimes making out with the occasional guy. And there was the time he was sure Pete Wentz had got a grope behind one of the tour buses (Jon thought it might have been more than a grope because for a while afterwards Pete didn't ever seem to stop watching Spencer.) Also, Spencer and Ryan would sometimes sneak off places and Brendon had assured him that it was because Ryan was claiming his conjugal rights for finding Spencer's drumming talents. Apparently it had been going on for a while.
So possibly not straight, but that didn't mean anything. He had also seen Spencer hook up with a great many women. Far more than the guys. William Beckett counted as a woman, right?
Of course the whole dilemma was solved when Spencer leaned over and kissed Jon soundly. Jon mentally threw the Gay/notGay issue behind the sofa for someone else to find and pulled Spencer down on top of him. He also wriggled a little with glee.
Spencer pulled away. Jon pouted.
"You're not gay, Jon Walker," Spencer announced. He sounded pretty sure so Jon considered this. He was, however, distracted by Spencer's hotness and instead leaned in to lick his neck.
"You're not gay!" Spencer shifted to sit up, straddling Jon's hips, and unzipped the white hoodie he was wearing. Jon watched the zip lower and tingled as Spencer pulled it and his t-shirt off, exposing his beautiful, small breasts. Jon reached up and stroked a hand down between then, almost purring with pleasure.
Wait...breasts?
Jon paused. Spencer slapped him round the back of the head. And then kissed him again. Jon shrugged. It was Spencer and Spencer was hot.
*******************
It was much funnier now that only Brendon didn't know. Jon would make statements at the breakfast table like "I'm not gay - I'm just gay for Spencer" and Brendon would be all confused while Ryan, Spencer and Jon all wet themselves laughing.
They also had "Who Looks Most Like A Girl" competitions that Brendon always won and Spencer was sure that Ryan had paid Jon to take over buying the tampons.
They spent far too much time trying to come up with the perfect "How To Have Brendon Find Out" plans (officially drawn up in the back of Ryan's notebook.) Ryan's involved two magnifying glasses made into a bra and Spencer punched him in the balls again. And Jon too for laughing. Ryan only seemed slightly miffed that Jon's punishment was offset by the really loud sex Spencer had with him later.
Spencer still likes pretending to be a boy and Jon happily lets her boss him around. And other things. And really, living as a boy is good and life as a girl is good. An ace-hot cool girl-boy-drummer.