Hogwarts Exposed
Dusknoir: Why does this remind you of a French port town?
Humblot: Industrial wastelands powered by slave labor are filled with metal for some reason.
Dusknoir: Ah. So, where are we?
Porygon-Z: *over PA* Welcome to the new theater. The doctor will arrive shortly.
Humblot: He's not talking like an insane murderous aristocratic clown anymore!
Porygon-Z: I got better.
Dusknoir: Then what are we doing?
Dr. Sceptile: *leaps down from the ceiling* Hogwarts Exposed!
Dusknoir: *growls*
Dr. Sceptile: Also, I got someone new to help us spork. Specifically, by running the whole theater.
Humblot: Who-
GLaDOS: Hello, and welcome to the SceptiCorp Mfg. Bad Fanfiction Observation Theater.
Dusknoir: GLaDOS! Are you mad? She keeps trying to murder all of Palkia's students-
GLaDOS: Failure to MST will result in electrocution, followed by low marks on your official SceptiCorp Mfg. testing forms.
Humblot: You know, I'm in no mood to be zapped. Begin!
Hogwarts OverExposed - Salazar's Return
Dusknoir: *sigh*
Dr. Sceptile: Ah yes, returning Salazar Slytherin. Except, you know, he's dead.
Humblot: Oh. I thought he just knew Return or something.
Dr. Sceptile: Honestly, that would make more sense.
"Where are you going to do it?" Emily asked Tyler as they departed the room.
Humblot: Wait, who are these people and where are they going to do what?
Dusknoir: That's a ‘you’, snake.
Humblot: Then what is he doing?
Dr. Sceptile: How should we know?
"I'm not sure," he croaked nervously. "A part of me wants to be alone to transform and another part of me is uneasy to be off on my own."
Dr. Sceptile: Transformers: More than meets the eye!
Dusknoir: Or he's a latent animagus.
Humblot: No no, he's a Ditto.
"I know what you mean," Emily said understandingly. "Why don't you come with Kim and I? We're going to go to the Room of Requirement so that we can be totally alone and undisturbed."
Dusknoir: *turns an unpleasant shade of grey*
Dr. Sceptile: Ah, Fraulein Führer back in action, ordering people about!
Humblot: Brit, I think you got that wrong-
Dr. Sceptile: Shut up.
"But..." Tyler shilly-shallied. "Won't that be sort of creepy?
Dusknoir and Dr. Sceptile: YES!
Humblot: I still don't get it.
I mean you will both be guys and I'll be a girl and well... I sort of intended to get naked and sort of check out the new equipment."
Dusknoir: And what does this Tyler expect to find?
Dr. Sceptile: *as Tyler* See, there will be a power saw, a sonic screwdriver, and a hammer!
Emily laughed. "What did you think Kim and I are going to do? Come on, it will be fun," Emily said grabbing Tyler hand and pulling him along. "We can show each other how to properly do certain things."
Dr. Sceptile: *to Humblot* This girl's name is Emily. You will learn to hate her. Fortunately, she was killed.
Humblot: Kill a pervert? Isn't that a bit-
Dr. Sceptile: She shouldn't have insulted Dialga, then. She deserved to be thrown to the raptors.
Tyler's mouth dropped wide open, but he uttered not a word. He had the feeling that he was about to partake in the most bizarre experience of his young life."
Dusknoir: Mostly because it was set to end in 22 hours.
Chapter Twenty-two
Fantastic Island Jurassic Park
Dr. Sceptile: Fixed it.
Kim, Tyler and Emily firmly clutched their containers of Polyjuice Potion as they made their way speedily up to the seventh floor.
Dusknoir: Why were they given polyjuice potion? I was under the impression that 3-month-brew cycle potions are not something to hand out like candy.
Dr. Sceptile: Nah, they just get it from the unmarked van just outside of Hogwarts.
Emily chuckled mildly to herself as she realized that she and her sisters seemed to be becoming frequent users of the Room of Requirement.
Humblot: What else are they using it for?
Dusknoir: Practicing chess.
Dr. Sceptile: Raising a pony.
Humblot: A pony? That’s ridiculous.
Dr. Sceptile: Applejack doesn’t like them either.
Her face colored as Emily wondered if possibly one day Tyler and she might use the room for a much more personal experience.
Humblot: After all, soon, she would be an accountant. And Tyler, her accounterer.
Dusknoir: What? What’s an accounterer?
Humblot: They count the accountants.
"Okay, this is the place," Emily advised when they reached the stretch of blank wall opposite the enormous tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy. "We have to walk past this bit of wall three times, concentrating hard on what we need."
Dr. Sceptile: A portal gun!
Humblot: A way to escape!
Dusknoir: Some form of defense!
GLaDOS: *drops a turret next to Dusknoir* I am afraid I am not permitted to give out the Formerly Aperture Science and now SceptiCorp Mfg. Dual Portal device to anyone in this theater. That would just be asking for trouble.
They did so, turning sharply at the window just beyond the blank stretch of wall, then at the man-size vase on its other side.
Turret: Activating…
Dusknoir: *warps around to other side of Dr. Sceptile*
Humblot: *next to turret* Why look at the cute pale thing…
Turret: There you are… *shoots Humblot*
Humblot: Ack!
(BORING BORING BORING BLAH)
"Emily," called Kim excitedly, as they turned around after their third walk past.
Dr. Sceptile: *as Kim* -I see the Doctor and his TARDIS! Let’s go steal it!
Dusknoir: Should we be worried about Humblot?
Humblot: *would comment, but is dead until further notice*
Turret: Shutting down…
A highly polished door had appeared in the wall. Tyler was staring at it, looking slightly wary. He wasn't concerned so much with entering the room,
Dusknoir: -but he absolutely hated highly polished doors.
but rather with what they were going to do once inside. Emily reached out, seized the brass handle, pulled open the door, and then stood motionless, gawking at the sight before her eyes.
Dr. Sceptile: It was Gaston! With no clothes on!
Turret: Activating… “And every last bit of me’s covered with hair!”
Dusknoir: *facepalm*
"I think somehow the room got confused," she mumbled sheepishly. "We must have all been concentrating on different needs."
Humblot: *still dead, but would comment on what Emily wants*
Dr. Sceptile: *as Emily* Look at that! A broomstick, a bear trap, and a muggle television!
In the center of the room was a huge bed, much like the one Caitlin had described to her and next to it was a large bathing pool.
Dusknoir: What, so you can get the bed wet with chlorinated water? Fools.
Dr. Sceptile: I know, that can ruin the sheets, you know… Hey wait…*glasses pull* YEAH! Redundancy!
Dusknoir: *facepalm* That wasn’t what I was referring to…
One wall of the room, on the other hand, was lined with dressing rooms such as used in clothing stores.
Dr. Sceptile: Anyone else thinking Sims?
GLaDOS: Personally, I’m just glad there’s someone there with at least a shred of modesty here.
"Well, I certainly wasn't thinking about a bed," Kim countered sharply.
"Neither was I," Tyler responded, almost defensively.
Humblot: *finally revived via reviver seed* It was Dumbledore and his dirty thoughts.
"I believe that was me," Emily admitted guiltily. She looked at Tyler and then shook her head apprehensively. " My mind just wandered; I wasn't concentrating properly."
Dr. Sceptile: *as Emily* I was thinking of girls, teehee~
Humblot: What is she a ladies’ man and man’s lady as well?
Dr. Sceptile: Well, a ladies’ lady and a lady’s lady, I suppose.
Turret: *struggling to process this*
"Exactly what were you thinking about?" Kim grinned impishly.
Dusknoir: Well, how about this: This sentence is false.
Turret: *explodes*
GLaDOS: Dontthinkaboutitdontthinkaboutitdontthinkaboutit… *drops Rick, the Adventure Sphere on Dusknoir*
Rick: Are there any ladies in here?
Humblot: Sadly, no.
"Nothing! Just forget it," Emily said, flustered. She sat her container of potion on a nearby table. "Just pay no attention to the bed
Dusknoir: -behind the curtain!
and let's get on with what we're here for."
Rick: Finding adventure!!!
Dr. Sceptile: Let’s just go with that.
The words had barely escaped her lips before Emily's clothes had dropped to the floor and she stood bare before the others.
Rick: Yaaaaaaaaaaaay!
Humblot: Noooooooooo!
Rick: Oh, okay. Noooooooooo!
"What are you two waiting for?" she asked impatiently, her hands on her hips. "Get naked."
Dusknoir: I spy with my single eye a voyeur and an exhibitionist.
Rick: *to Humblot* Is it you?
Humblot: No, it is the girl on the screen. The naked one.
Rick: Oh.
Tyler and Kim exchanged nervous glances, and then just stood momentarily staring dumbfounded at Emily.
Dr. Sceptile: As opposed to smartfounded?
GLaDOS: That is a real word, Doctor.
"Oh, come on!" Emily said exasperatedly. "You two aren't going to play shy and bashful, are you?
Dusknoir: How about not being rude and exhibitionist?
Humblot: Even I don’t act this way.
Rick: And I don’t either! I mean I haven’t had a lot of opportunity… heheheh.
We're best friends. Certainly you aren't still ill at ease about being nude in front of each other."
Dr. Sceptile: They’ve seen each other naked.
Dusknoir: In nudist land, everyone has seen everyone else naked.
Dr. Scepitle: Hmm… well… if FREEDOM IS SLAVERY and NUDITY IS CLOTHES, then therefore the freedom of nudity equals… CLOTHES ARE SLAVERY!
Dusknoir: I suppose the Party might run nudist land.
"I thought possibly we could take our clothes off in the booths and come out after we've transformed," Kim suggested timidly.
GLaDOS: Ah, so she is the one with the sliver of sense.
Tyler nodded his support of this idea.
Rick: Is the other girl of age?
Humblot: No.
Rick: Why am I watching this again? Oh wait… Adventure!!!!!
"If we do it that way, we'll miss out on half the fun," Emily argued. "Don't you want to watch as I sprout a penis?"
All, including Porygon-Z and GLaDOS: No!
Rick: Maybe. What’s that again?
Dusknoir: *warps over, whispers something to Rick*
Rick: *eye turns paler* No!
Tyler resisted the urge to shout, no.
Dr. Sceptile: He’s one of us!
He adored Emily and was quite smitten with her current appearance. He'd much prefer to gaze at her in this form. The idea of his girlfriend suddenly developing a willy was thoroughly revolting. Nor did he look forward to his own emasculation.
Humblot: Never mind.
"I have an idea," Tyler said cautiously. "Why don't we just forget about taking that disgusting looking potion and just inspect each other?"
GLaDOS: How about you don’t? If you do, I cannot promise you that-
Rick: I don’t think those are test subjects.
GLaDOS: Ah. Well, they will be when I’m done with them.
Emily's eyes widened at this notion. "You wouldn't have a problem with Kim and I touching you?" she asked.
Dr. Sceptile: Yes, he would. Well, any sane man. I think. I’m not actually human…
Tyler had, for a moment, forgotten that Emily wouldn't be the only one exploring his body. He looked nervously from Emily to Kim. "I... I think I could handle that better than the alternative," he stuttered. "The whole idea is just weird," he faltered briefly, "and gay. I'd still be me, a guy, but trapped inside a girl's body. Meanwhile, you two would be two naked blokes. I'll feel like a fag just being in the same room and looking at you."
Dusknoir: He feels like a British cigarette by being in the same room as them?
Dr. Sceptile: No, he just feels very wooden. Like his character.
Kim nodded sympathetically. "I understand, but what you suggest would negate the whole idea of the experiment. Professor Weasley doesn't just want us groping and feeling each other up. She wants us to actually experience being a member of the opposite sex. Besides, I'd feel out of place. I don't think either of you want an audience when you get to explore each other intimately."
Humblot: Come on, I always use the word ‘mate’ for reproduction and even I wouldn’t stoop down that low!
Dr. Sceptile: Besides, she would love an audience.
Tyler and Emily both blushed at Kim's statement, knowing that she was correct. When the time eventually came for them to closely explore each other's body, they both wanted it to be in a romantic setting, not as a part of a class research project.
Rick: Wait, wait, wait. Listen, I’ll handle that class. The rest of you can step back.
GLaDOS: Bad core. *grabs with claws*
Rick: Onwards to ADVENTURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *pulled into ceiling*
"You're right," Tyler conceded. He gave Kim a nervous glance, and then turned away and started to slowly remove his clothes. Kim audibly gulped and likewise began to disrobe, although at a snail's pace.
Dr. Sceptile: Poor snail. It doesn’t deserve this fate.
Humblot: A better question is, who is the headmaster-
Dusknoir: Snape.
Humblot: -and why doesn’t he care?
Dusknoir: *shrugs*
Emily tapped her foot impatiently until Tyler and Kim, their backs still to each other, finally completed undressing. "Come on you guys," she said encouragingly. "We're best friends, a team. Time for a group hug!"
Dr. Sceptile: TEAM EXHIBITION HYPERFORCE GO!
Apprehensively, Kim and Tyler turned toward Emily and the three friends united in a tight embrace. Tyler couldn't believe his good fortune. He was twelve years old and engaged in a hug with two nude girls, arguably the two best-looking girls in his year at Hogwarts.
Dusknoir: Who, coincidentally, were also 12-years-old. Unless they’re abusing time, they shouldn’t be so different from him at this point.
He shivered as he felt their bare breasts press against his naked chest.
Dusknoir: See comment above.
"We better let go of Tyler before he gets a stiffy," Emily suggested with a giggle. "I can't wait to transform into a boy and see what it feels like to have one."
Porygon-Z *from projector room*: One what?
Dr. Sceptile: A board nailed to her chest.
Humblot: Hair.
Dusknoir: A potato.
GLaDOS: *drops Fact Core on Dusknoir*
Fact Core: Hey where am I…
"One what?" Kim asked. "A penis or a stiffy?"
Fact Core: The occupation of court jester was invented accidentally, when a vassal's epilepsy was mistaken for capering.
"Both," answered Emily eagerly. "Let's get started."
Fact Core: At some point in their lives 1 in 6 children will be abducted by the Dutch.
Dr. Sceptile: Hopefully she’ll be abducted soon.
"I take it then that we're not going to use the changing rooms at all?" Kim asked forlornly, gazing longingly at the booths along the wall.
Fact Core: Pants were invented by sailors in the sixteenth century to avoid Poseidon's wrath. It was believed that the sight of naked sailors angered the sea god.
Dusknoir: It’s two idiots against each other. Fascinating.
"As I said, watching the conversion will be half of the fun," Emily repeated. "Look! I know you guys are edgy, so I'll go first."
Fact Core: In 1948, at the request of a dying boy, baseball legend Babe Ruth ate seventy-five hot dogs, then died of hot dog poisoning.
Humblot: This is relevant how?
Neither Kim nor Tyler argued; they weren't the least bit eager to drink the thick, sickly yellow colored mud-like solution.
"Professor Weasley said we each had enough potion for three doses," Kim reminded Emily. "So only drink a third of what is in the container."
Dr. Sceptile: After all, they still want to all turn into Her Majesty Suemione when done.
Fact Core: In Victorian England, a commoner was not allowed to look directly at the Queen, due to a belief at the time that the poor had the ability to steal thoughts. Science now believes that less than 4% of poor people are able to do this.
Emily nodded and picked up her container, careful not to spill a drop. Pinching her nose, Emily drank two large gulps of the potion. It tasted like overcooked cabbage.
Dusknoir: And then she turned into cabbage.
Dr. Sceptile: Welp, show’s over!
Fact Core: William Shakespeare did not exist. His plays were masterminded in 1589 by Francis Bacon, who used an Ouija board to enslave play-writing ghosts.
Immediately, her insides started writhing as though she'd just swallowed live snakes - doubled up, she wondered whether she was going to be sick - then a burning sensation spread rapidly from her stomach to the very ends of her fingers and toes - next, bringing her gasping to all fours, came a horrible melting feeling, as the skin all over her body bubbled like hot wax. Emily's chest and groin area felt like they were being ripped apart. Before her eyes her hands started to grow, her hair shortened and her chest flattened.
Humblot: I read that book from Darkrai, and it didn’t describe this.
Dusknoir: Why would it matter to twelve-year-olds… wait a minute, why is this teacher still teaching?
Dr. Sceptile: Don’t ask me.
"Oh my god!" Emily shrieked as the slit between her legs closed and then painfully took on a new shape. Momentarily, Emily was in agony and then as suddenly as it had started, everything stopped. She lay face down on the stone floor trying to catch her breath.
Humblot: Sure was fun, wasn’t it?
Fact Core: Dreams are the subconscious mind's way of reminding people to go to school naked and have their teeth fall out.
Dr. Sceptile: Speaking of dreams…
*Interlude*
Humblot: Industrial wastelands powered by slave labor are filled with metal for some reason.
Dusknoir: Ah. So, where are we?
Porygon-Z: *over PA* Welcome to the new theater. The doctor will arrive shortly.
Humblot: He's not talking like an insane murderous aristocratic clown anymore!
Porygon-Z: I got better.
Dusknoir: Then what are we doing?
Dr. Sceptile: *leaps down from the ceiling* Hogwarts Exposed!
Dusknoir: *growls*
Dr. Sceptile: Also, I got someone new to help us spork. Specifically, by running the whole theater.
Humblot: Who-
GLaDOS: Hello, and welcome to the SceptiCorp Mfg. Bad Fanfiction Observation Theater.
Dusknoir: GLaDOS! Are you mad? She keeps trying to murder all of Palkia's students-
GLaDOS: Failure to MST will result in electrocution, followed by low marks on your official SceptiCorp Mfg. testing forms.
Humblot: You know, I'm in no mood to be zapped. Begin!
Hogwarts OverExposed - Salazar's Return
Dusknoir: *sigh*
Dr. Sceptile: Ah yes, returning Salazar Slytherin. Except, you know, he's dead.
Humblot: Oh. I thought he just knew Return or something.
Dr. Sceptile: Honestly, that would make more sense.
"Where are you going to do it?" Emily asked Tyler as they departed the room.
Humblot: Wait, who are these people and where are they going to do what?
Dusknoir: That's a ‘you’, snake.
Humblot: Then what is he doing?
Dr. Sceptile: How should we know?
"I'm not sure," he croaked nervously. "A part of me wants to be alone to transform and another part of me is uneasy to be off on my own."
Dr. Sceptile: Transformers: More than meets the eye!
Dusknoir: Or he's a latent animagus.
Humblot: No no, he's a Ditto.
"I know what you mean," Emily said understandingly. "Why don't you come with Kim and I? We're going to go to the Room of Requirement so that we can be totally alone and undisturbed."
Dusknoir: *turns an unpleasant shade of grey*
Dr. Sceptile: Ah, Fraulein Führer back in action, ordering people about!
Humblot: Brit, I think you got that wrong-
Dr. Sceptile: Shut up.
"But..." Tyler shilly-shallied. "Won't that be sort of creepy?
Dusknoir and Dr. Sceptile: YES!
Humblot: I still don't get it.
I mean you will both be guys and I'll be a girl and well... I sort of intended to get naked and sort of check out the new equipment."
Dusknoir: And what does this Tyler expect to find?
Dr. Sceptile: *as Tyler* See, there will be a power saw, a sonic screwdriver, and a hammer!
Emily laughed. "What did you think Kim and I are going to do? Come on, it will be fun," Emily said grabbing Tyler hand and pulling him along. "We can show each other how to properly do certain things."
Dr. Sceptile: *to Humblot* This girl's name is Emily. You will learn to hate her. Fortunately, she was killed.
Humblot: Kill a pervert? Isn't that a bit-
Dr. Sceptile: She shouldn't have insulted Dialga, then. She deserved to be thrown to the raptors.
Tyler's mouth dropped wide open, but he uttered not a word. He had the feeling that he was about to partake in the most bizarre experience of his young life."
Dusknoir: Mostly because it was set to end in 22 hours.
Chapter Twenty-two
Fantastic Island Jurassic Park
Dr. Sceptile: Fixed it.
Kim, Tyler and Emily firmly clutched their containers of Polyjuice Potion as they made their way speedily up to the seventh floor.
Dusknoir: Why were they given polyjuice potion? I was under the impression that 3-month-brew cycle potions are not something to hand out like candy.
Dr. Sceptile: Nah, they just get it from the unmarked van just outside of Hogwarts.
Emily chuckled mildly to herself as she realized that she and her sisters seemed to be becoming frequent users of the Room of Requirement.
Humblot: What else are they using it for?
Dusknoir: Practicing chess.
Dr. Sceptile: Raising a pony.
Humblot: A pony? That’s ridiculous.
Dr. Sceptile: Applejack doesn’t like them either.
Her face colored as Emily wondered if possibly one day Tyler and she might use the room for a much more personal experience.
Humblot: After all, soon, she would be an accountant. And Tyler, her accounterer.
Dusknoir: What? What’s an accounterer?
Humblot: They count the accountants.
"Okay, this is the place," Emily advised when they reached the stretch of blank wall opposite the enormous tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy. "We have to walk past this bit of wall three times, concentrating hard on what we need."
Dr. Sceptile: A portal gun!
Humblot: A way to escape!
Dusknoir: Some form of defense!
GLaDOS: *drops a turret next to Dusknoir* I am afraid I am not permitted to give out the Formerly Aperture Science and now SceptiCorp Mfg. Dual Portal device to anyone in this theater. That would just be asking for trouble.
They did so, turning sharply at the window just beyond the blank stretch of wall, then at the man-size vase on its other side.
Turret: Activating…
Dusknoir: *warps around to other side of Dr. Sceptile*
Humblot: *next to turret* Why look at the cute pale thing…
Turret: There you are… *shoots Humblot*
Humblot: Ack!
(BORING BORING BORING BLAH)
"Emily," called Kim excitedly, as they turned around after their third walk past.
Dr. Sceptile: *as Kim* -I see the Doctor and his TARDIS! Let’s go steal it!
Dusknoir: Should we be worried about Humblot?
Humblot: *would comment, but is dead until further notice*
Turret: Shutting down…
A highly polished door had appeared in the wall. Tyler was staring at it, looking slightly wary. He wasn't concerned so much with entering the room,
Dusknoir: -but he absolutely hated highly polished doors.
but rather with what they were going to do once inside. Emily reached out, seized the brass handle, pulled open the door, and then stood motionless, gawking at the sight before her eyes.
Dr. Sceptile: It was Gaston! With no clothes on!
Turret: Activating… “And every last bit of me’s covered with hair!”
Dusknoir: *facepalm*
"I think somehow the room got confused," she mumbled sheepishly. "We must have all been concentrating on different needs."
Humblot: *still dead, but would comment on what Emily wants*
Dr. Sceptile: *as Emily* Look at that! A broomstick, a bear trap, and a muggle television!
In the center of the room was a huge bed, much like the one Caitlin had described to her and next to it was a large bathing pool.
Dusknoir: What, so you can get the bed wet with chlorinated water? Fools.
Dr. Sceptile: I know, that can ruin the sheets, you know… Hey wait…*glasses pull* YEAH! Redundancy!
Dusknoir: *facepalm* That wasn’t what I was referring to…
One wall of the room, on the other hand, was lined with dressing rooms such as used in clothing stores.
Dr. Sceptile: Anyone else thinking Sims?
GLaDOS: Personally, I’m just glad there’s someone there with at least a shred of modesty here.
"Well, I certainly wasn't thinking about a bed," Kim countered sharply.
"Neither was I," Tyler responded, almost defensively.
Humblot: *finally revived via reviver seed* It was Dumbledore and his dirty thoughts.
"I believe that was me," Emily admitted guiltily. She looked at Tyler and then shook her head apprehensively. " My mind just wandered; I wasn't concentrating properly."
Dr. Sceptile: *as Emily* I was thinking of girls, teehee~
Humblot: What is she a ladies’ man and man’s lady as well?
Dr. Sceptile: Well, a ladies’ lady and a lady’s lady, I suppose.
Turret: *struggling to process this*
"Exactly what were you thinking about?" Kim grinned impishly.
Dusknoir: Well, how about this: This sentence is false.
Turret: *explodes*
GLaDOS: Dontthinkaboutitdontthinkaboutitdontthinkaboutit… *drops Rick, the Adventure Sphere on Dusknoir*
Rick: Are there any ladies in here?
Humblot: Sadly, no.
"Nothing! Just forget it," Emily said, flustered. She sat her container of potion on a nearby table. "Just pay no attention to the bed
Dusknoir: -behind the curtain!
and let's get on with what we're here for."
Rick: Finding adventure!!!
Dr. Sceptile: Let’s just go with that.
The words had barely escaped her lips before Emily's clothes had dropped to the floor and she stood bare before the others.
Rick: Yaaaaaaaaaaaay!
Humblot: Noooooooooo!
Rick: Oh, okay. Noooooooooo!
"What are you two waiting for?" she asked impatiently, her hands on her hips. "Get naked."
Dusknoir: I spy with my single eye a voyeur and an exhibitionist.
Rick: *to Humblot* Is it you?
Humblot: No, it is the girl on the screen. The naked one.
Rick: Oh.
Tyler and Kim exchanged nervous glances, and then just stood momentarily staring dumbfounded at Emily.
Dr. Sceptile: As opposed to smartfounded?
GLaDOS: That is a real word, Doctor.
"Oh, come on!" Emily said exasperatedly. "You two aren't going to play shy and bashful, are you?
Dusknoir: How about not being rude and exhibitionist?
Humblot: Even I don’t act this way.
Rick: And I don’t either! I mean I haven’t had a lot of opportunity… heheheh.
We're best friends. Certainly you aren't still ill at ease about being nude in front of each other."
Dr. Sceptile: They’ve seen each other naked.
Dusknoir: In nudist land, everyone has seen everyone else naked.
Dr. Scepitle: Hmm… well… if FREEDOM IS SLAVERY and NUDITY IS CLOTHES, then therefore the freedom of nudity equals… CLOTHES ARE SLAVERY!
Dusknoir: I suppose the Party might run nudist land.
"I thought possibly we could take our clothes off in the booths and come out after we've transformed," Kim suggested timidly.
GLaDOS: Ah, so she is the one with the sliver of sense.
Tyler nodded his support of this idea.
Rick: Is the other girl of age?
Humblot: No.
Rick: Why am I watching this again? Oh wait… Adventure!!!!!
"If we do it that way, we'll miss out on half the fun," Emily argued. "Don't you want to watch as I sprout a penis?"
All, including Porygon-Z and GLaDOS: No!
Rick: Maybe. What’s that again?
Dusknoir: *warps over, whispers something to Rick*
Rick: *eye turns paler* No!
Tyler resisted the urge to shout, no.
Dr. Sceptile: He’s one of us!
He adored Emily and was quite smitten with her current appearance. He'd much prefer to gaze at her in this form. The idea of his girlfriend suddenly developing a willy was thoroughly revolting. Nor did he look forward to his own emasculation.
Humblot: Never mind.
"I have an idea," Tyler said cautiously. "Why don't we just forget about taking that disgusting looking potion and just inspect each other?"
GLaDOS: How about you don’t? If you do, I cannot promise you that-
Rick: I don’t think those are test subjects.
GLaDOS: Ah. Well, they will be when I’m done with them.
Emily's eyes widened at this notion. "You wouldn't have a problem with Kim and I touching you?" she asked.
Dr. Sceptile: Yes, he would. Well, any sane man. I think. I’m not actually human…
Tyler had, for a moment, forgotten that Emily wouldn't be the only one exploring his body. He looked nervously from Emily to Kim. "I... I think I could handle that better than the alternative," he stuttered. "The whole idea is just weird," he faltered briefly, "and gay. I'd still be me, a guy, but trapped inside a girl's body. Meanwhile, you two would be two naked blokes. I'll feel like a fag just being in the same room and looking at you."
Dusknoir: He feels like a British cigarette by being in the same room as them?
Dr. Sceptile: No, he just feels very wooden. Like his character.
Kim nodded sympathetically. "I understand, but what you suggest would negate the whole idea of the experiment. Professor Weasley doesn't just want us groping and feeling each other up. She wants us to actually experience being a member of the opposite sex. Besides, I'd feel out of place. I don't think either of you want an audience when you get to explore each other intimately."
Humblot: Come on, I always use the word ‘mate’ for reproduction and even I wouldn’t stoop down that low!
Dr. Sceptile: Besides, she would love an audience.
Tyler and Emily both blushed at Kim's statement, knowing that she was correct. When the time eventually came for them to closely explore each other's body, they both wanted it to be in a romantic setting, not as a part of a class research project.
Rick: Wait, wait, wait. Listen, I’ll handle that class. The rest of you can step back.
GLaDOS: Bad core. *grabs with claws*
Rick: Onwards to ADVENTURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *pulled into ceiling*
"You're right," Tyler conceded. He gave Kim a nervous glance, and then turned away and started to slowly remove his clothes. Kim audibly gulped and likewise began to disrobe, although at a snail's pace.
Dr. Sceptile: Poor snail. It doesn’t deserve this fate.
Humblot: A better question is, who is the headmaster-
Dusknoir: Snape.
Humblot: -and why doesn’t he care?
Dusknoir: *shrugs*
Emily tapped her foot impatiently until Tyler and Kim, their backs still to each other, finally completed undressing. "Come on you guys," she said encouragingly. "We're best friends, a team. Time for a group hug!"
Dr. Sceptile: TEAM EXHIBITION HYPERFORCE GO!
Apprehensively, Kim and Tyler turned toward Emily and the three friends united in a tight embrace. Tyler couldn't believe his good fortune. He was twelve years old and engaged in a hug with two nude girls, arguably the two best-looking girls in his year at Hogwarts.
Dusknoir: Who, coincidentally, were also 12-years-old. Unless they’re abusing time, they shouldn’t be so different from him at this point.
He shivered as he felt their bare breasts press against his naked chest.
Dusknoir: See comment above.
"We better let go of Tyler before he gets a stiffy," Emily suggested with a giggle. "I can't wait to transform into a boy and see what it feels like to have one."
Porygon-Z *from projector room*: One what?
Dr. Sceptile: A board nailed to her chest.
Humblot: Hair.
Dusknoir: A potato.
GLaDOS: *drops Fact Core on Dusknoir*
Fact Core: Hey where am I…
"One what?" Kim asked. "A penis or a stiffy?"
Fact Core: The occupation of court jester was invented accidentally, when a vassal's epilepsy was mistaken for capering.
"Both," answered Emily eagerly. "Let's get started."
Fact Core: At some point in their lives 1 in 6 children will be abducted by the Dutch.
Dr. Sceptile: Hopefully she’ll be abducted soon.
"I take it then that we're not going to use the changing rooms at all?" Kim asked forlornly, gazing longingly at the booths along the wall.
Fact Core: Pants were invented by sailors in the sixteenth century to avoid Poseidon's wrath. It was believed that the sight of naked sailors angered the sea god.
Dusknoir: It’s two idiots against each other. Fascinating.
"As I said, watching the conversion will be half of the fun," Emily repeated. "Look! I know you guys are edgy, so I'll go first."
Fact Core: In 1948, at the request of a dying boy, baseball legend Babe Ruth ate seventy-five hot dogs, then died of hot dog poisoning.
Humblot: This is relevant how?
Neither Kim nor Tyler argued; they weren't the least bit eager to drink the thick, sickly yellow colored mud-like solution.
"Professor Weasley said we each had enough potion for three doses," Kim reminded Emily. "So only drink a third of what is in the container."
Dr. Sceptile: After all, they still want to all turn into Her Majesty Suemione when done.
Fact Core: In Victorian England, a commoner was not allowed to look directly at the Queen, due to a belief at the time that the poor had the ability to steal thoughts. Science now believes that less than 4% of poor people are able to do this.
Emily nodded and picked up her container, careful not to spill a drop. Pinching her nose, Emily drank two large gulps of the potion. It tasted like overcooked cabbage.
Dusknoir: And then she turned into cabbage.
Dr. Sceptile: Welp, show’s over!
Fact Core: William Shakespeare did not exist. His plays were masterminded in 1589 by Francis Bacon, who used an Ouija board to enslave play-writing ghosts.
Immediately, her insides started writhing as though she'd just swallowed live snakes - doubled up, she wondered whether she was going to be sick - then a burning sensation spread rapidly from her stomach to the very ends of her fingers and toes - next, bringing her gasping to all fours, came a horrible melting feeling, as the skin all over her body bubbled like hot wax. Emily's chest and groin area felt like they were being ripped apart. Before her eyes her hands started to grow, her hair shortened and her chest flattened.
Humblot: I read that book from Darkrai, and it didn’t describe this.
Dusknoir: Why would it matter to twelve-year-olds… wait a minute, why is this teacher still teaching?
Dr. Sceptile: Don’t ask me.
"Oh my god!" Emily shrieked as the slit between her legs closed and then painfully took on a new shape. Momentarily, Emily was in agony and then as suddenly as it had started, everything stopped. She lay face down on the stone floor trying to catch her breath.
Humblot: Sure was fun, wasn’t it?
Fact Core: Dreams are the subconscious mind's way of reminding people to go to school naked and have their teeth fall out.
Dr. Sceptile: Speaking of dreams…
*Interlude*