Favors
It's like I do favors for everyone but I never ask for a favor. I never get a favor back in return. It's like I do so much for everyone, but I get nothing back really. I use to think a simple thank you was enough, but over time I realized it wasn't. Hopeful, but nothing. Looking at something that isn't there. Having faith that one person might stand up, and hand me something, a hand, a lift. I don't have what I want, at least in my disposal. I feel like people just look at me, and pretend I'm not even there. People stopped treating me like if they appreciated me. People started acting with me like if I was just another guy, another human. I feel like I'm back in square one. In the beginning of my high school year I was pretty much a loner. Of course I didn't know anybody, but most of the time I didn't have anybody. I feel like I was the only person that never got involved with friends. I was never in that group of friends. I was never invited after school to do something. I never went to the theaters with a little group. That all ended after freshman year though. But high school is over now and I have nobody. I use to always hang out with Keily all the time though, Keily is Gray's sister. It just happened about 2 or 3 weeks ago that we totally just stopped. I have no idea why. We just one day stopped calling each other. I still see her at school once a week, but I really don't feel like hanging with her. She brings out the best part of me, which is my humor, but then things get out of hand in the way that we annoy each other. The last days I spent with Keily were pure anger, annoyance, and just blahh. I really do not miss her, but I do miss going out and messing with her. Maybe that doesn't make any sense lol. I always did her favors, but I can't remember the last favor she did for me. It's like If I ever do ask for a favor, which might be like once in a blue moon, that person may not even want to do it. There was this time, probably like 2 months ago when the whole world started asking me favors from left to right. And I said yes to all of them. All I got back was starbucks from 2 different people. I felt so good though when I did. I don't know. I don't know why I feel like this. And it's hurting me. The few times I've gone out were by myself. And I do enjoy it, but at the same time I'm alone, therefore I think too much about things, and wonder, "why am I alone here?" Maybe Time can change this. Maybe God can. I know he can, but I haven't been letting him =/ What does help me for the most part are things that are not real. Watching shows, movies, reading books, and music. When I say that they are not real, I mean it's not real in my life. It's like a fantasy I want to be in, but reality is ugly...