revelations of a dramatic sort. (Must remember)
Me (1:33:54 AM):I was a little more upfront and honest
Me (1:34:11 AM):about what I need to feel secure
Him (1:34:00 AM):yeah? what'd he say?
Me (1:34:18 AM):he made a joke but I think he got it at the end and it ended strangely but positively
Him(1:37:36 AM):when you say it ended you mean you and him? or just the conversation
Me (1:37:48 AM):the conversation
Me (1:38:19 AM):strangely, I feel like he and I are....better
Me (1:38:36 AM):after having that conversation
Him(1:38:35 AM):nothing wrong with improvement
Him(1:43:16 AM):but at least you guys are in a better place, no?
Me (1:43:30 AM):I'm not sure but hopefully
Me (1:47:48 AM):I guess the only thing I can do is separate him from Doug completely, and stop making him pay for Doug’s sins … treat him as someone new … someone who hasn't hurt me
Me (1:48:49 AM):and maybe as someone who doesn't want to hurt me; who doesn't find joy in it, who was there for me when I went through the worst times in my life...and honestly helped me through it who never made me feel bad or guilty for talking things through and out
Him(1:50:31 AM):that makes alot of sense
Me (1:50:39 AM):and as a wicked dreamboat that I totally want to bang
Him(1:50:56 AM):give him a chance, but more importantly, give yourself a chance to be happy
Me (1:51:10 AM):who unfortunately doesn't ever give out compliments … but never hurls insults
Me (1:51:41 AM):nothing means nothing from him
Me (1:51:50 AM):and everything meant nothing from Doug
Him(1:52:03 AM):yeah
Me (1:52:13 AM):it's going to be hard to not react the way I learned to from Doug
Him(1:52:18 AM):i just want to see you happy muffin
Me (1:52:25 AM):I want to be happy
Him(1:52:42 AM):that right there is a change for the better
Me (1:53:32 AM):what is?
Me (1:53:46 AM):I've realized something over the past few days
Me (1:54:16 AM):Doug lied, about everything. but most of all he lied about me and what I am and what I deserve, I'm not the greatest person, but I'm not a bad person, I try, and that's more than a lot of people and I really want the best for people
Me (1:55:16 AM):I'm worth more than just a fuck
Him(1:55:18 AM):hot damn
Him(1:55:27 AM):took you long enough to realize it
Me (1:55:36 AM):I'm funny and nice....and maybe too damned loyal for my own good! and I'm cute....there's nothing seriously wrong with me
Him(1:56:09 AM):jesus, could hug the hell out of you that you just said that
Him(1:56:25 AM):i'm glad you can see it
Me (1:56:53 AM):I have issues and could use some help, but I DO NOT deserve some of the things that have happened to me. but I can't let them drown me either
Him(1:57:48 AM):yeah
Him(1:57:58 AM):kiddo i'm so happy for you
Me (1:58:22 AM):he wanted to kill me with his words
Me (1:58:33 AM):he wanted to kill me with my own feelings
Him(1:58:35 AM):yes
Me (1:58:50 AM):and words are powerful, but they're JUST words. and feelings are important, but they're JUST feelings. the facts are different. I was there for him, trying to help him always, and he threw it away. and that's too bad
Me (2:00:13 AM):if he doesn't want to accept my help, then I can't force him to. I don't want it to be lopsided
Me (2:00:45 AM):that was lopsided
Me (2:02:16 AM):I want someone who maybe has a few issues but wants to work through them,
Me (2:04:18 AM):so anyway I think I'll be okay
Me (2:04:38 AM):sure I'll still cry when I see a commercial with babies
Him(2:04:58 AM):yeah
Him(2:05:12 AM):aimes, i'm just happy that you can admit to all that
Me (2:05:20 AM):yeah
Him(2:05:24 AM):kinda like a 12 step program but backwards
Me (2:05:34 AM):backwards?
Him(2:05:41 AM):the first step is admitting that you don't have a problem
Me (2:06:20 AM):lol
Him(2:06:22 AM):i'm just glad that you finally realize that you're not an horrible excuse for a human being who deserves to be shit on at every turn
Me (1:34:11 AM):about what I need to feel secure
Him (1:34:00 AM):yeah? what'd he say?
Me (1:34:18 AM):he made a joke but I think he got it at the end and it ended strangely but positively
Him(1:37:36 AM):when you say it ended you mean you and him? or just the conversation
Me (1:37:48 AM):the conversation
Me (1:38:19 AM):strangely, I feel like he and I are....better
Me (1:38:36 AM):after having that conversation
Him(1:38:35 AM):nothing wrong with improvement
Him(1:43:16 AM):but at least you guys are in a better place, no?
Me (1:43:30 AM):I'm not sure but hopefully
Me (1:47:48 AM):I guess the only thing I can do is separate him from Doug completely, and stop making him pay for Doug’s sins … treat him as someone new … someone who hasn't hurt me
Me (1:48:49 AM):and maybe as someone who doesn't want to hurt me; who doesn't find joy in it, who was there for me when I went through the worst times in my life...and honestly helped me through it who never made me feel bad or guilty for talking things through and out
Him(1:50:31 AM):that makes alot of sense
Me (1:50:39 AM):and as a wicked dreamboat that I totally want to bang
Him(1:50:56 AM):give him a chance, but more importantly, give yourself a chance to be happy
Me (1:51:10 AM):who unfortunately doesn't ever give out compliments … but never hurls insults
Me (1:51:41 AM):nothing means nothing from him
Me (1:51:50 AM):and everything meant nothing from Doug
Him(1:52:03 AM):yeah
Me (1:52:13 AM):it's going to be hard to not react the way I learned to from Doug
Him(1:52:18 AM):i just want to see you happy muffin
Me (1:52:25 AM):I want to be happy
Him(1:52:42 AM):that right there is a change for the better
Me (1:53:32 AM):what is?
Me (1:53:46 AM):I've realized something over the past few days
Me (1:54:16 AM):Doug lied, about everything. but most of all he lied about me and what I am and what I deserve, I'm not the greatest person, but I'm not a bad person, I try, and that's more than a lot of people and I really want the best for people
Me (1:55:16 AM):I'm worth more than just a fuck
Him(1:55:18 AM):hot damn
Him(1:55:27 AM):took you long enough to realize it
Me (1:55:36 AM):I'm funny and nice....and maybe too damned loyal for my own good! and I'm cute....there's nothing seriously wrong with me
Him(1:56:09 AM):jesus, could hug the hell out of you that you just said that
Him(1:56:25 AM):i'm glad you can see it
Me (1:56:53 AM):I have issues and could use some help, but I DO NOT deserve some of the things that have happened to me. but I can't let them drown me either
Him(1:57:48 AM):yeah
Him(1:57:58 AM):kiddo i'm so happy for you
Me (1:58:22 AM):he wanted to kill me with his words
Me (1:58:33 AM):he wanted to kill me with my own feelings
Him(1:58:35 AM):yes
Me (1:58:50 AM):and words are powerful, but they're JUST words. and feelings are important, but they're JUST feelings. the facts are different. I was there for him, trying to help him always, and he threw it away. and that's too bad
Me (2:00:13 AM):if he doesn't want to accept my help, then I can't force him to. I don't want it to be lopsided
Me (2:00:45 AM):that was lopsided
Me (2:02:16 AM):I want someone who maybe has a few issues but wants to work through them,
Me (2:04:18 AM):so anyway I think I'll be okay
Me (2:04:38 AM):sure I'll still cry when I see a commercial with babies
Him(2:04:58 AM):yeah
Him(2:05:12 AM):aimes, i'm just happy that you can admit to all that
Me (2:05:20 AM):yeah
Him(2:05:24 AM):kinda like a 12 step program but backwards
Me (2:05:34 AM):backwards?
Him(2:05:41 AM):the first step is admitting that you don't have a problem
Me (2:06:20 AM):lol
Him(2:06:22 AM):i'm just glad that you finally realize that you're not an horrible excuse for a human being who deserves to be shit on at every turn