What does karma mean to me?
It means a way for life to come back and kick your ass for fucking up in the past.
At least that was Lauren's explanation about it; her reasoning as to why we lost our son. She said that it was our punishment for all the horrible things we had ever done, and no matter how many times I told her it wasn't true, she was set on believing it. She blamed herself, she blamed me, and she wouldn't believe that it wasn't our fault. She wouldn't listen when I'd tell her that life doesn't work that way - that it just can't work that way. There's a lot of unfairness in life, yeah, but to believe we're paying for our "sins" by losing the people we love? By losing our baby? I don't believe that. I don't want to believe it.
To me, karma is just bullshit.
Life doesn't hand you back what you put in it - because, as I see it, you can be the nicest person and still have horrible things happen to you. That's just the way it works. Pessimistic? No, not really; to me that's just reality.
I refuse to believe Aidan had to pay for my screwing up. I refuse to believe we lost him because of all the fuck ups I did. For my own sanity, I refuse to believe it.
At least that was Lauren's explanation about it; her reasoning as to why we lost our son. She said that it was our punishment for all the horrible things we had ever done, and no matter how many times I told her it wasn't true, she was set on believing it. She blamed herself, she blamed me, and she wouldn't believe that it wasn't our fault. She wouldn't listen when I'd tell her that life doesn't work that way - that it just can't work that way. There's a lot of unfairness in life, yeah, but to believe we're paying for our "sins" by losing the people we love? By losing our baby? I don't believe that. I don't want to believe it.
To me, karma is just bullshit.
Life doesn't hand you back what you put in it - because, as I see it, you can be the nicest person and still have horrible things happen to you. That's just the way it works. Pessimistic? No, not really; to me that's just reality.
I refuse to believe Aidan had to pay for my screwing up. I refuse to believe we lost him because of all the fuck ups I did. For my own sanity, I refuse to believe it.