Damn Romantic animes! >.
It sucks realizing that you can't really be with someone...mostly after you already went out with them.
Let's just say: I do miss him. I do. I miss falling asleep while cuddling, hearing "I love you" whispered into my ear, the way he kissed, stealing his glasses, his smile, the way he'd brush my hair out of my eyes, and the way he just dealt with my many neurosis when so many others just couldn't
That being said...I don't miss the lonely nights where it felt like I was single already, having to use my car for transportation everytime, showing up just by myself to things we were both invited to, more compromise on my part, and the lack of communication without my intereference
And now I see him in class...we've finally reached the friendly talking point which is good...but I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel a slight ache everytime I realize it's over...yes I ended it.
It's just so frustrating...and then at the same time I know I can't start things over. It's for the best that I just leave it alone. I mean...I already know what getting back together is like: Starts off great....then you realize why it ended. Of course now all these thoughts are gonna just come back tonight...so not looking foward to it.
On top of all of this? I want to go on a date a different boy. Just have someone take me out and actually show me a good time. I don't know the likelihood of all this. There are decent guys out there, I've met some. However, nowadays the "sex" thing is much more common. Like, it's almost expected on the guys' part that if he takes you out...you put out? At least that's all I hear in classes from guys. (And of course the women in my family can't understand why I'm not going out on dates...if only they knew today's dating game...)
A) Most boys are still chasing the tan, thin, blondes...I'm pale, admittedly chubby, and I've been dying my hair redder....
B) Previously mentioned expectation: Sexuality is more something I am only comfortable with in relationships. Random boys? Not a chance.
C) Sure I like to think I'm smart and somewhat adorable...but I find that I hang out with females that are more desirable
Most of the males I intereract with daily aren't looking for my type. (Which no matter what anyone tells you about your looks is discouraging) Sure, I think I'm kinda pretty....but not enough.
Blargh...I blame all this nonsense on the multitude of romantic things I've been watching (unusual btw) and romantic songs I've been listening too...