I rarely post about suicide or suicidal feelings because I think that manipulating people with suicidal threats is one of the most morally repulsive acts a person can do to people who care about them, and I don't want to be guilty of that. My suicidal feelings are not because YOU right there aren't nice enough to me. Comparisons are odious, but I ( Read more... )

I have a headache. I also have an essay in my head about chronic depression, and how friggin' annoying it is, but I'm not sure I have the patience to write it ( Read more... )

The computer just announced fourteen hours, and I am finished lunch rather that just realizing that food might be a good idea.

1. Brew tea
   
2. Wash dishes while tea is steeping
   
3. Stack wood
   
4. Do exercises
   
5. Hang out laundry
   
6. Break for lunch
   
7. Regroup

And now I've put my fleece back on and am drinking cold green tea from the unicorn mug that I've had since high ( Read more... )

I am lethargic. My head aches mildly, my back aches mildly, the center of my chest aches a bit more than mildly. I'd kinda thought I was building up to a new depressive episode.

So let's see...

1. Start kettle for green tea
   
2. Eat breakfast
   
3. Dice up zucchini & feed to chickens
   
4. Find any & all vegetable material the needs to go to the mulch pile and take ( Read more... )

Blah. Another wasted morning. I really need to rework my mornings. My de facto routine (get up, sit down at the computer, leave it for as little time as possible, forget to eat breakfast) is not working. I think I'm going to start logging out before I go to bed every night ( Read more... )

It's morning. I have had breakfast. I have laundry to launder and appalling amounts of laundry to put away. I need to put fresh sheets on my bed and clean out the fridge and clean the kitchen and do Shabbos prep. I want a neverending pot of hazelnut coffee, and real cream and sugar to put in it, and a pint of Ben & Jerry's and a nice thick ( Read more... )

I'm starting tagging my entries with weather specifics as well as the other stuff I usually use. I'm curious to see how neatly my moods and the weather line up, and if there are going to be any correlations that I'm not expecting. You know the day isn't starting well though when you wake up sometime at o'dark-thirty trying to figure out what day ( Read more... )

Splurfle.

I had the mother of all stress dreams this morning. It was erev Pesach and I hadn't shopped or cleaned yet and I realized that I was still in college and I hadn't been to class all semester and one of my professors was Miss Tarr, my favorite teacher in high school, and I totally forgot it was school day and David wasn't ready for the ( Read more... )

I'm awake, FSVO "awake". I'm also fairly obviously depressed. It's taken me eight minues to write this much, so obviously I don't have a lot to say. Later all.

Been to the doctor, stopped at Beacon Kosher and picked up some groceries, mainly non-necessities. Lunch was luncheon meat made into sandwiches, which we almost never have because it's so expensive, and was absolutely wonderful. I said we should get a half pound each of bologna and salami once a month ( Read more... )