[fic] You Can't Go Back - Yugioh, YYxY, angst, PG, theme 46
Title: You Can't Go Back
Author: Chey (duelist_gurl163)
Theme: 46 - “Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was choice, but falling in love with you was completely out of my control.” for 50_lovequotes
Rating: PG
Genre: Angst
Parings: YamixYugi one-sided, YugixKeiko(OC)
Archive: You're lookin' at it
Warnings: Vaguely-AU-ish since it's set rather far post-series.
Spoilers: Yami's real name
Summary: It was too late for his own happy ending, all he could do was make sure that Yugi got his.
Disclaimer: I don't own Yugioh. But Keiko is my character! I own her! ...So there!
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“Just a few more stitches…and…fixed!” Atemu bit through the extra thread, knotted it, and held up the haori overcoat for Yugi’s inspection. Yugi beamed.
“It’s perfect!” He pulled it on, studying the sleeve happily. “When it got ripped I was sure my mom would kill me. It’s almost invisible, but Mom can notice a rip from a mile away. But now you can’t tell anything happened to it. Thank you so much…”
Atemu shrugged, closing the sewing kit. “Just glad I could help. It’s your wedding day, rips cannot be tolerated.”
Yugi gazed at himself in the mirror, shifting slightly. “It’s hard to believe…I’m getting married.” He looked back at Atemu. “I wish you could come to the ceremony, Yami,” he murmured, using his private name for his former other-self.
Atemu shrugged again, almost forcedly. “I know, it’s okay. I’m not family.”
“I could try to sneak you in…”
“No, Aibou. People would notice.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” He turned around to the mirror, adjusting the neck of his kimono, apparently lost in thought.
“Well it’s about time for you to head down to the shrine, so I’m going to go check on how the reception hall looks.”
“What? You can’t be in the reception hall!” Yugi spun around. “If you arrive before us, that makes us look rude!”
“Aibou, calm down. I work here, remember? I have an excuse to be in the hall before you. Besides, I got you the deal here, the least I can do is make sure the hall looks good for you, the decorators around here need supervising or they’re liable to screw everything up. I promise to vacate the premises before you arrive.”
“Oh…okay then.” Yugi laughed. “Sorry, I’m so stressed…having a traditional ceremony was important to Keiko’s parents and to mine, but now I’m at the point where I’m imagining every possible way it can go wrong.”
“Aibou, it won’t go wrong.” Atemu set his hand on his shoulder, forcing a smile. “You’re going to have a beautiful wedding, and I give you my vow that when you arrive at the reception hall, it’s going to look just as beautiful. Those decorators won’t have a single thing out of place if I have anything to say in the matter.”
“Do you promise you won’t leave the dead bodies of the decorators that you got angry at on the floor for guests to trip over?”
“I swear I’ll hide them discreetly under the tables.”
Giggling, Yugi hugged him. “Thanks.”
Suddenly he was surrounded in Yugi’s scent. Swallowing heavily, breathing in a bit too deeply, Atemu let go and pushed Yugi away. “I…I should get going.”
One of Yugi’s eyebrows quirked slightly, but he didn’t say anything other than, “Okay…I’ll see you at the reception.”
“Yeah.” Atemu nodded and was about to slip out the door when he paused and glanced back. Yugi was smiling at himself in the mirror, admiring his outfit. Warmth mixed with the turmoil inside him. “Hey, Aibou…?”
“Yes?”
“You look happy.”
Yugi turned, eyes sparkling. “I am, Yami.”
Atemu couldn’t respond. He smiled back as best he could and turned away.
A half hour later the wedding party entered the brightly decorated reception hall. Both sets of parents nodded approvingly, Keiko had to work very hard to hide a delighted blush on her face, and Yugi was the only one who had noticed Atemu in the hall, unobtrusively waiting. Moments later he entered the room, signed the guest book, and handed his o-shugi-bukuro to the receptionist.
“Well you’ll be happy to know the wedding went fine,” Yugi’s voice suddenly drifted by him, and he turned to see the young man standing beside him.
“Oh, it did? Great…that’s really great.” Atemu nodded.
“Mom hasn’t noticed the rip at all, you did a perfect job repairing it.”
“I tried.”
“And Keiko loves the decorations. They match her kimono perfectly.”
“I’m glad.”
“…Yami, are you okay?” Yugi asked, a frown marring his features as he studied him. Atemu stiffened.
“I…I’m fine.” He smiled and averted his eyes. “Just tired, it’s been a long day.”
“Oh no, we put you through too much trouble…” A female voice joined in, and Atemu looked up to see Keiko joining them, looping one arm through Yugi’s, smiling gratefully. “Yugi told me about you getting us this hotel for a discount, and setting up this beautiful reception. I can’t thank you enough. I promise we are saving you an extra-big gift basket.”
Atemu managed to laugh, nodding to her. “Thank you. I’m just glad I could help make this day special.”
“Ah, I see some of my friends,” she said to Yugi, nodding at the door where more guests had arrived. “I have to thank them for coming, I’ll be back.”
Yugi watched her go, then returned his attention to Atemu. “Jounouchi and the others will undoubtedly be arriving soon, so I should greet guests too.”
“Alright.” He took a deep breath. “I’ll go find a seat.”
Yugi smiled. “Thanks Yami. For this. For all of this.”
“You don’t need to thank me.”
“No, I do. You’ve always been here for me. And you’re still looking out for me, even now.”
“I just…want you to be happy.” He murmured, and set his hand on Yugi’s shoulder as he had earlier, only even more softly this time.
“I’m happy, Yami. This has been a perfect day. And you helped set it up for me.” He took a step closer, smiling gently at his other self.
Atemu was having a hard time staying in control. It took all his willpower not to raise his fingers and run them through Yugi’s hair. He took in a hard breath. “You have guests,” he said quietly.
“Oh! That’s right, thank you for reminding me!” Yugi turned, hurrying away, leaving Atemu standing with his hand held in mid-air. Slowly he lowered it, flexed his fingers, and collapsed into the nearest chair. He watched as Yugi joined Keiko by the door, beaming and thanking people as they walked in.
Aibou… he thought, burying his face miserably in his hands.
Meeting Yugi all those years before had been dictated by Fate. Trusting him and becoming his friend had been a choice he made as they grew closer throughout his journey. But the falling in love part…the part with consequences he couldn’t control…why did that have to be the part that hurt so badly?
He had no right to feel pain. He knew the feelings that were there, he’d had years in which to confess to Yugi how he truly felt. Yet he watched Yugi date other people, meet Keiko, fall in love with her, become engaged…and never said a word because the time never seemed right. He could never find the right words to start the conversation. Or maybe, he now realized, he had just been too scared to try.
And now a line had been drawn. He knew his chance was lost forever. If only he hadn’t been so afraid, he might not be sitting here with this loneliness in his heart or these tears in his eyes. Maybe it would have been him going with Yugi to the shrine today. Maybe instead of fixing Yugi’s coat he would have been the one in the other room, excitedly putting on his own marriage kimono. Instead of organizing the wedding, maybe he would have been the one standing with Yugi at the door…
It’s my own fault that I will never know.
Forcing himself to his feet, he accepted a glass of sake from a waiter, drained it, and decided to go check on dessert preparations. He had to keep moving, later he could break down over what might have been. But right now he had to hold himself up and deal with the present. This was Yugi’s moment, this was Yugi's happy ending.
And Yugi’s happiness was still, and would always be, the only thing that mattered to him.
x-x-x
Notes: No happy ending for Yami this time. T_T
Here is where I got the info on Japanese Shinto weddings.
o-shugi-bukuro - The envelope that guests at wedding receptions put money in and give to the bride and groom as gifts.
The theme only inspired the one short paragraph where the quote was used. I tried to think of a good angsty fic that I could use that paragraph in other than the usual cliche Yami-feels-he-can't-tell-Yugi-his-feelings fic. Then I thought...what if Yami waited too long, to the point that when he finally realizes what a mistake it was to never tell Yugi, it's too late?
I think Yami would be good at sewing. I'm not sure why, I just think he would be. Cleaning, cooking, taking care of the bank account, I bet he would mess it all up in a second, but sewing he'd be excellent at.