Love Heals What Time Can't
I actually wrote this one...god, like over a year ago. xD; I came up with the idea at 4:30 in the morning crammed into the back of a van on the way to the airport to go to Philly for LifeSmarts.
By the way, I hate copying and pasting stuff from Word into here, it always wants to "clean" the text. >.<
Title: Love Heals What Time Can't
Author: Chey
Pairing: YamixYugi
Fandom: Yugioh
Rating: PG for boys kissing
Genre: angst/romance
Summary: After losing his friends to an accident and losing Yami to a misunderstanding, Yugi is just beginning to feel back to normal. Then the past intervenes, and Yami and Yugi are offered a second chance at healing.
Yugi had bought flowers at this store exactly five times in his life, once a year for five years. The first time, he’d been in tears, clinging to Yami’s side, hardly able to breathe. The second time, he’d been alone, tears rolling down his face silently and with an expression more painful than words. The third time, he’d just looked haunted and empty. The fourth time, his face was still drawn, but his eyes were gaining back some brightness. This time, the fifth time, he was able to smile, very slightly, at the woman who handed him the bouquet. The woman smiled back. She’d seen him in every one of his stages and she knew from the newspaper why he bought the flowers every year. She was surprised, but glad to see a smile from him.
“Have a good day, honey.”
“Thank you.”
Yugi was surprised too. He’d always assumed he’d never be able to smile again on this day. A little over five years before, five of his best friends had been killed. Exactly five years before had been the funeral service. And exactly four years ago on this date, he’d lost Yami too, the only person he had left.
He had no one to blame for the accident that killed his friends. They’d been going to a party that he and Yami had declined to go to. Their car stalled. It was raining. The driver of the semi never saw them, and when he did it was too late. The ravine had been steep and the bottom full of water. There’d been no way to escape. Yugi held no ill feelings towards the driver of the truck, it wasn’t his fault. That’s why it’d been called an accident. And yet, five perfectly innocent people were gone. Yugi’s best friends, the people who had showed him that there was more to life than sitting back and being picked on, it had taken him years to find them and only seconds to lose them. Joey, Mai, Tea, Tristan, Serenity…five people, and a split five-second accident had erased them all from his life.
However, he did have someone to blame for the loss of his lover and soulmate, Yami. Himself. He’d been devastated to lose his friends, and the pain was far too much to hold in. He’d mourned outright, crying, clinging to Yami for support in the following days. Because Yami was strong, because Yami held him through the nightmares and the tears and told him it was okay to cry, and he was Yugi’s only source of comfort left. At the time Yugi hadn’t seen what it was doing to Yami. It had taken months to tell. And by then it’d been too late. Only a few days after the year anniversary of the accident, Yami left.
His family, Duke, Ryou, the few people left in Yugi’s life, they all told him it wasn’t his fault. Yami had issues to work out, it was his own problem, stress got between people, etc, etc. Yugi, however, saw the truth past all the consoling. Because he’d clung so hard to Yami, Yami had never once had a chance to be comforted. Thinking back, Yugi couldn’t think of a single time Yami’d openly mourned. Sure, he’d sobbed like everyone else at the funeral, but other than that? No, Yami hadn’t cried once. Oddly enough, it was that which eventually drove them over the line. Yami was hurting more than he could take, tired of sharing the burden of two people’s pain and with no outlet for his own. A single sentence, that was all it had taken to set him off. They’d been quarreling a lot for the past couple months, but suddenly Yami just cracked. Yugi had said something, he couldn’t remember exactly what, but it had to do with how Yami never let himself loosen up. Yami took this very badly. He wound up yelling and accusing Yugi of not appreciating him, and Yugi-bewildered and hurt by it all-wound up saying a lot of just as hateful things back. Then they refused to apologize. And then that evening, Yami appeared in the room with a backpack and a small suitcase of his personal belongings. He said nothing, just looked at Yugi for a long moment as Yugi looked back. Yugi saw something in Yami’s face that he couldn’t describe, and it was then that Yugi understood what was wrong. Yami didn’t mean all those things he’d said, it was just his way of trying to get out how much he was hurting too. Under the solid outside, Yami had fallen apart and nobody had noticed, and Yami just wanted someone to comfort him too. Yugi knew that now. But before he could tell Yami he understood, Yami had left. Walked out the door, saying only, “I’m sorry.” His eyes were just as dry as ever. Not a single tear.
Yugi could still hear himself from the past, yelling angrily at Yami, telling him he didn’t care about losing their friends. Just thinking of the things he’d said was enough to make him feel horrible, even now, four years later. It had been the worst day of his life, losing Yami, and this was easily the worst day of the year. And through it all, the people left in his life were always telling him things were okay now. It didn’t help. It only made Yugi think of how Yami had never told him that after their friends had died. Yami had told him instead that it was going to hurt, but it was okay to cry, and it was okay to feel awful and mourn and that one day things would be better, but that Yugi didn’t need to force himself into it. He never rushed Yugi, he helped him accept his feelings and then allowed him space to let them out and accept them. Now on this day, Yugi always wished, more than anything, that he could turn back time and tell Yami it was okay for him to cry too. Because now he knew that those had been the words Yami desperately wanted to hear, but was too protective and too proud to make Yugi say.
These memories carried Yugi across town to the cemetery. A large memorial stone had been erected there to honour all five of his lost friends. Most people, their parents and other friends, came on the anniversary of their deaths to place flowers and offerings, not on this day, a few days after the anniversary. This day was Yugi’s personal day, so when he walked up, deep in thought, he was surprised to look up and see a fresh bunch of flowers left beside the stone.
These are fresh…who would have come today? I thought I was the only one that did.
He walked up, puzzled, and placed his bouquet gently beside the other one. There was no name tag, nothing to indicate the visitor.
Yugi stood there for a few minutes. “Hey guys,” he finally said aloud. “I miss you. I hope you’re all having fun together. Save a spot for me for one day when I join you, okay?” He wiped some tears off his face, then turned away. And then,
“Yugi?”
His eyes shot open and he looked up. His heart throbbed instantly, suddenly sounding so much louder. His jaw slacked and his breath caught inside him as he opened his mouth to say something-anything-but no words came out.
“Yugi…it is you.” Yami stood there, staring in the exact same way, except that he had some control over his voice.
“Y…You left these flowers, didn’t you?” Was all Yugi could think to say.
“Well…yes.” Yami nodded. “I thought today…I know it wasn’t the true anniversary, but…”
“I know, I do the same thing.” Yugi replied, knowing that the conversation was making no sense, and yet sensing that it made more than enough sense to the both of them.
Yami took a step forward. “Yugi, I-”
“Yami…”
And suddenly Yugi found himself burrowing against Yami’s chest, and Yami found his arms back around Yugi and his face buried in Yugi’s sweet-smelling hair.
“Oh my god, Yami…” Yugi whispered, his eyes filling with fresh tears. “I thought…I didn’t know…or believe…that I’d ever see you again…” He clung to Yami, his face resting in the old familiar groove of his neck and sternum, Yami’s heart pounding not far away.
Yami held him just as tightly. “I…didn’t think you’d be here either…I thought…a few days ago instead…”
“That’s when…everyone else…”
“Exactly…”
“Today I always come instead…it’s the day…”
“The worst day, losing them…and then…what I said…”
Their half-sentences were cut off as they both remembered what they’d said. Yugi stared into Yami’s shirt for a moment, and then took a deep breath and raised his head, fully prepared to apologize for what he’d done four years before. But instead, he found himself staring into Yami’s face. And Yami was crying. Not sobbing, not just watery-eyed, but full-out weeping.
“Yami, you’re crying.” Yugi whispered, and reached up, placing his hand on Yami’s damp cheek. “You never…used to cry around me.”
Yami opened his eyes and smiled, very painfully. “After losing five of my best friends…and then losing the person I loved more than anything…believe me, I learned to cry in public pretty fast.” He whispered back, his voice wavering.
“Yami, I’m so sorry…”
“No, don’t start. I’m the one that’s sorry and I should be.”
“I accused you of not caring though! I know that wasn’t true-“
“You had every right to accuse me…”
“I did not.”
“Yes you did.”
“Yami…”
“Yugi.”
They stared at each other in silence, till Yami pulled back and Yugi let his hand fall from Yami’s face.
“Look…Yami…”
“Yugi, please don’t say it.” Yami’s face was still full of hurt, but he still managed to smile. Yugi’s heart ached, seeing it. Yami’s smile…he missed it so much. Seeing this weak, half-hearted, haunted version of it was more than he could stand. “Please don’t say it, Yugi. I don’t want to hear your apology, because I don’t deserve it.”
“Yes, you do.” Yugi murmured.
Yami shook his head. “No.”
“Yami, please-”
“Yugi, don’t-“
“NO!” Yugi shook his head too, back and forth wildly before crying out, “Please let me just tell you! I’ve spent the last four years wishing I could say this and I’m not going to let you tell me I can’t!”
Yami stared, tears still spilling down his face. He ignored them. Yugi, breathing a little heavily, stared back.
“I’ve been wishing…forever…that I could change the things I said. I didn’t mean all those things. I really…at the time, Yami, I wanted to thank you and I didn’t know how. You’re all that got me through that time, and I had no idea of how to let you know how thankful I was, and then you started yelling, and I never saw…you wanted comfort so badly and I never even tried to give it to you. Your pride, your determination to protect me…I’m sorry I made you neglect yourself that way. I knew that you needed help and I didn’t give you any. I really wanted to tell you the same thing you told me. That it was okay to cry, that it was okay to feel angry and hurt and everything. Everyone keeps telling me, even now, that everything will be okay, but it won’t be! You never lied to me, you told me the truth and helped me accept it, and I…I didn’t…I didn’t help you at all.”
“Yugi…that’s not true-”
“Yes it is!”
They stared at each other again, nearly mirror reflections. Finally Yami lowered his eyes. “Okay…so maybe it is. But it’s true that I was just as horrible, expecting so much of you after you lost your best friends, and walking out on you on the anniversary of the funeral. I made mistakes too, bad ones.”
“Yami, yours weren’t mistakes.”
“Yes, they were. I never should have done that to you.”
“You did nothing to me. It’s what I did to you that was wrong. Because of me you neglected yourself. You suffered.” Yugi looked away for a moment. “Yes, I was sad to lose them. And I was a wreck for awhile, I know I was. But it wasn’t worth you holding all of that inside just to try to take care of me. It wasn’t worth that.”
Yami was quiet for a little while, then looked back up. “Maybe it wasn’t. But you were.”
“Yami, no…”
“Yes, yes you were.” Yami placed one hand on Yugi’s shoulder and looked into his eyes. “To me, you were worth it all. If I could go back I’d do it again, except this time I wouldn’t walk out. But I would be there and be strong for you again. You didn’t need my burdens too. Any suffering I did, I did gladly. If it helped you even a little…then it was worth it. My only regret is the way I reacted. I never should have yelled at you. I don’t care how weak I was…I had no good reason to break down when you needed me.” Yami’s gaze didn’t waver, but Yugi did suddenly see a little bit of shame appear in his eyes. Yugi felt terrible.
“No…Yami, no. I realize you wanted to help me, and that means a lot, but…Yami, you’re human too. And you have feelings too. Just because you’re normally tough, you still have every single right in the world to break down and to ask for help when things are too hard for you. Weakness isn’t shameful, you never had to hide it from me. Please Yami…don’t be ashamed of that.”
“I’m still sorry. Maybe it was understandable, but it was still a mistake that I regret. And I’m so sorry…”
“Yami, that was my mistake.” Yugi took over quickly. “I never took care of you or helped you…that is entirely my mistake.”
“No, it was mine.” Yami refused to give in.
“Then I guess we…made the same mistakes.” Yugi finally replied quietly.
“I guess so.” Yami replied, just as quietly.
“We’re the two biggest screw-ups on the face of the planet.” Yugi said, suddenly laughing through his tears, laughing, for the first time since Yami had left!
“You got that right, no one could top us.” Yami was suddenly chuckling too, and they threw their arms around each other and laughed and cried at the same time, clinging to each other, lost in memories. Four years was a long time to be apart, especially for them, who had always been inseparable. And four years was a long time to go without truly smiling or truly laughing. But no matter how much they missed it or welcomed it back, eventually they found themselves growing quiet again, with nothing more to say. And it was then that Yami unlocked his arms from around Yugi without warning and stepped away.
“What’s going on?” Yugi asked, looking up at him.
Yami checked his watch, and sort of glanced around near his feet, then replied quietly, “it’s been longer than I thought…so…I’d better go.”
Yugi stared at him in surprise. “Go where?” he asked, confused.
“Home.” Seeing Yugi’s face, Yami added, “To Kyoto. I…I moved there after…leaving. I had to get away from here.”
“So you did vanish…I tried to look you up but I could never find you. I didn’t think to look down south…so that’s where you went then, huh?”
“Yeah…I had to do something.” Yami scuffed the ground.
“So you’re leaving…again?” Yugi felt sick just at the words.
“My plane takes off in a little while, I really should…you know, make sure everything’s packed and go check in for the flight. I just came back here to talk to Kaiba about updating my duelist contract since I haven’t been in the circuit for four years, and I came to visit this place today…well, you know. I didn’t plan on staying very long, I didn’t know you’d be here.” Yami’s voice was growing softer and softer. He still stared at the ground.
“Oh…” Yugi was silent. Yami thought he understood what Yugi was thinking.
“I’m sorry to have…you know, put you through all this. On this day of all days.”
“That’s okay. I don’t mind, it meant…I got to see you again.”
“Yeah.” Yami replied, smiling softly. Yugi’s heart raced at the smile. Yami turned. “Well…Yugi…take care, okay? Maybe I’ll…come visit sometime? If that’s…all right with you?” He asked it tentatively, hopefully.
“Yami, you know how they say time heals everything?” Yugi suddenly asked, anxiously.
“Yeah.”
“I don’t agree. I think there are some things that time can’t heal. I think that…those things…only the heart can heal them. It takes…love to heal them.”
Yami looked toward the memorial stone. “I miss them too, Yugi.” He replied softly. “It was horrible and I’ll never…I doubt I’ll ever stop missing them. I know what you mean.”
Yugi looked toward the memorial too, then back at Yami. “No, Yami, I was talking about…us.”
“Us?”
“Yes…Yami, I’ve missed you. More than anything…”
“I’ve missed you, too, Yugi, but-“
“But what?” Yugi’s eyes were starting to blaze with a familiar stubbornness.
“But…” Yami shook his head. “Yugi, don’t…”
“Don’t what? Don’t ask if we can’t try again? Why not? Why can’t we try again?”
“Yugi, no…” Yami looked even more pained now at those words, the very words he’d wanted to avoid.
“Why ‘no’? Yami, tell me, why no?”
“Because…because…all this…it happened and…we can’t ignore it-”
“It happened, that’s just it. Didn’t we just make up from that old fight? Isn’t it in the past now?”
“Making up doesn’t mean…”
“Doesn’t mean what?”
“Yugi, don’t do this to me!”
“Why not? Yami, what is the problem?”
“The problem is that I still love you!” Yami cried.
“And that’s a problem?” Yugi asked, confused again. “Yami…I love you more than anything! I always have, I still do, I always will…and you’re saying that the problem is that you love me back?”
“Yes! Because I can’t…I can’t…” Yami sunk to his knees. “Yugi, after all this, I can’t…go through it again. I can’t forget the things I said and the…way I acted and…I can’t do it.”
Yugi’s eyes softened and he knelt down too. “Yami, it’s…it’s okay.”
“No it’s not.” Yami sobbed, swiping his hands across his face, to no avail. “Dammit!”
“Yami, no…listen to me. It’s okay.” He pulled Yami close up against him, held him firmly in his arms, felt Yami turn his face in to press against Yugi’s chest now and felt him cry harder, his body shaking. He caressed Yami’s hair and murmured, “You don’t have to go through anything else again.”
“Yugi, I still love you. I never stopped loving you.”
“I love you too, Yami.”
“I really want…more than anything…to stay. But I won’t let you take me back. You deserve someone better.”
“That’s why you’re leaving, then? To protect me?”
“Y-Yes.”
“Yami…you’re so…” Yugi shook his head and didn’t finish, just held Yami closer. There were tears in his own eyes as he murmured, “look, don’t worry about what I deserve, I’ll decide that for myself. Worry about yourself. Or better yet…let me worry about you for once. Let me be the one to do the comforting. You don’t have to be so strong all the time. I don’t need you to be. Not now, not after everything. I’ve grown up.”
Yami looked up at him. He’d never had this sensation before, never been held like this before, been comforted and felt safe. He’d always been the one doing the comforting. For the first time, he knew what it was like to be the one being helped. “You’ve always been grown up,” he whispered.
Yugi smiled, a true bright smile, and Yami smiled back. “I’ve missed that smile of yours, Yugi,” he said softly.
“I’ve missed yours, too,” Yugi replied, just as tenderly, as Yami leaned up and their lips met for a long desperate moment, and their kiss tasted exactly the same as Yugi remembered, even after four years. It sparked the same emotions, the same locked-away feelings in them both…it felt as if no time had passed at all. When they broke apart, Yugi knew it was the last chance he’d have.
“Yami…please…don’t leave. Just a chance, just one more…that’s all I want. You don’t have to move back in now, we can take it slowly. You can get a hotel room here, we can visit, and just…start out anew. Isn’t that…what our friends would have wanted?”
Yami nodded and sat up, staring into Yugi’s eyes. “It is…they were practically happier than us when we confessed how we felt in the first place. I can see them now, telling us how stupid we are…for waiting so long.”
“That’d be us. Being stupid.” Yugi replied, smiling again as he fell forward into Yami’s waiting arms, and they embraced tighter than ever, as if trying to find a way to merge back into one person again.
“It doesn’t hurt so much anymore.” Yugi whispered into Yami’s neck.
“I know Yugi…”
“I think it’s working already.”
“What is?”
“Love…time was hardly doing a thing, but now…just being here with you…I feel so much better than I ever did before…I miss our friends, but I can handle it now. Yami, I love you so much.” He nuzzled Yami softly. “And thank you…for everything…you saved me.”
“And you as well.” Yami kissed his hair and hugged him closer. “You’ve always been…you will always be the only person…that I care about so much. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me.” Yami pulled back and smiled. “But, I really should get back to the hotel now.”
“What? Why?” Yugi asked, bewildered again. “Are you still leaving anyway? After all that?!”
“No!” Yami laughed, a deep, true, cheerful laugh that made Yugi go lightheaded. “I want to call the airlines and tell them I want my money back for my ticket!”
Yugi broke into a glorious smile and dove back into Yami’s arms as they laughed, long and happily, for the first time in years. Even though they were in a cemetery, they felt no guilt for their childishness, because they both knew that of all the people, their friends would have been the happiest to know that they were back where they belonged-with each other.
By the way, I hate copying and pasting stuff from Word into here, it always wants to "clean" the text. >.<
Title: Love Heals What Time Can't
Author: Chey
Pairing: YamixYugi
Fandom: Yugioh
Rating: PG for boys kissing
Genre: angst/romance
Summary: After losing his friends to an accident and losing Yami to a misunderstanding, Yugi is just beginning to feel back to normal. Then the past intervenes, and Yami and Yugi are offered a second chance at healing.
Yugi had bought flowers at this store exactly five times in his life, once a year for five years. The first time, he’d been in tears, clinging to Yami’s side, hardly able to breathe. The second time, he’d been alone, tears rolling down his face silently and with an expression more painful than words. The third time, he’d just looked haunted and empty. The fourth time, his face was still drawn, but his eyes were gaining back some brightness. This time, the fifth time, he was able to smile, very slightly, at the woman who handed him the bouquet. The woman smiled back. She’d seen him in every one of his stages and she knew from the newspaper why he bought the flowers every year. She was surprised, but glad to see a smile from him.
“Have a good day, honey.”
“Thank you.”
Yugi was surprised too. He’d always assumed he’d never be able to smile again on this day. A little over five years before, five of his best friends had been killed. Exactly five years before had been the funeral service. And exactly four years ago on this date, he’d lost Yami too, the only person he had left.
He had no one to blame for the accident that killed his friends. They’d been going to a party that he and Yami had declined to go to. Their car stalled. It was raining. The driver of the semi never saw them, and when he did it was too late. The ravine had been steep and the bottom full of water. There’d been no way to escape. Yugi held no ill feelings towards the driver of the truck, it wasn’t his fault. That’s why it’d been called an accident. And yet, five perfectly innocent people were gone. Yugi’s best friends, the people who had showed him that there was more to life than sitting back and being picked on, it had taken him years to find them and only seconds to lose them. Joey, Mai, Tea, Tristan, Serenity…five people, and a split five-second accident had erased them all from his life.
However, he did have someone to blame for the loss of his lover and soulmate, Yami. Himself. He’d been devastated to lose his friends, and the pain was far too much to hold in. He’d mourned outright, crying, clinging to Yami for support in the following days. Because Yami was strong, because Yami held him through the nightmares and the tears and told him it was okay to cry, and he was Yugi’s only source of comfort left. At the time Yugi hadn’t seen what it was doing to Yami. It had taken months to tell. And by then it’d been too late. Only a few days after the year anniversary of the accident, Yami left.
His family, Duke, Ryou, the few people left in Yugi’s life, they all told him it wasn’t his fault. Yami had issues to work out, it was his own problem, stress got between people, etc, etc. Yugi, however, saw the truth past all the consoling. Because he’d clung so hard to Yami, Yami had never once had a chance to be comforted. Thinking back, Yugi couldn’t think of a single time Yami’d openly mourned. Sure, he’d sobbed like everyone else at the funeral, but other than that? No, Yami hadn’t cried once. Oddly enough, it was that which eventually drove them over the line. Yami was hurting more than he could take, tired of sharing the burden of two people’s pain and with no outlet for his own. A single sentence, that was all it had taken to set him off. They’d been quarreling a lot for the past couple months, but suddenly Yami just cracked. Yugi had said something, he couldn’t remember exactly what, but it had to do with how Yami never let himself loosen up. Yami took this very badly. He wound up yelling and accusing Yugi of not appreciating him, and Yugi-bewildered and hurt by it all-wound up saying a lot of just as hateful things back. Then they refused to apologize. And then that evening, Yami appeared in the room with a backpack and a small suitcase of his personal belongings. He said nothing, just looked at Yugi for a long moment as Yugi looked back. Yugi saw something in Yami’s face that he couldn’t describe, and it was then that Yugi understood what was wrong. Yami didn’t mean all those things he’d said, it was just his way of trying to get out how much he was hurting too. Under the solid outside, Yami had fallen apart and nobody had noticed, and Yami just wanted someone to comfort him too. Yugi knew that now. But before he could tell Yami he understood, Yami had left. Walked out the door, saying only, “I’m sorry.” His eyes were just as dry as ever. Not a single tear.
Yugi could still hear himself from the past, yelling angrily at Yami, telling him he didn’t care about losing their friends. Just thinking of the things he’d said was enough to make him feel horrible, even now, four years later. It had been the worst day of his life, losing Yami, and this was easily the worst day of the year. And through it all, the people left in his life were always telling him things were okay now. It didn’t help. It only made Yugi think of how Yami had never told him that after their friends had died. Yami had told him instead that it was going to hurt, but it was okay to cry, and it was okay to feel awful and mourn and that one day things would be better, but that Yugi didn’t need to force himself into it. He never rushed Yugi, he helped him accept his feelings and then allowed him space to let them out and accept them. Now on this day, Yugi always wished, more than anything, that he could turn back time and tell Yami it was okay for him to cry too. Because now he knew that those had been the words Yami desperately wanted to hear, but was too protective and too proud to make Yugi say.
These memories carried Yugi across town to the cemetery. A large memorial stone had been erected there to honour all five of his lost friends. Most people, their parents and other friends, came on the anniversary of their deaths to place flowers and offerings, not on this day, a few days after the anniversary. This day was Yugi’s personal day, so when he walked up, deep in thought, he was surprised to look up and see a fresh bunch of flowers left beside the stone.
These are fresh…who would have come today? I thought I was the only one that did.
He walked up, puzzled, and placed his bouquet gently beside the other one. There was no name tag, nothing to indicate the visitor.
Yugi stood there for a few minutes. “Hey guys,” he finally said aloud. “I miss you. I hope you’re all having fun together. Save a spot for me for one day when I join you, okay?” He wiped some tears off his face, then turned away. And then,
“Yugi?”
His eyes shot open and he looked up. His heart throbbed instantly, suddenly sounding so much louder. His jaw slacked and his breath caught inside him as he opened his mouth to say something-anything-but no words came out.
“Yugi…it is you.” Yami stood there, staring in the exact same way, except that he had some control over his voice.
“Y…You left these flowers, didn’t you?” Was all Yugi could think to say.
“Well…yes.” Yami nodded. “I thought today…I know it wasn’t the true anniversary, but…”
“I know, I do the same thing.” Yugi replied, knowing that the conversation was making no sense, and yet sensing that it made more than enough sense to the both of them.
Yami took a step forward. “Yugi, I-”
“Yami…”
And suddenly Yugi found himself burrowing against Yami’s chest, and Yami found his arms back around Yugi and his face buried in Yugi’s sweet-smelling hair.
“Oh my god, Yami…” Yugi whispered, his eyes filling with fresh tears. “I thought…I didn’t know…or believe…that I’d ever see you again…” He clung to Yami, his face resting in the old familiar groove of his neck and sternum, Yami’s heart pounding not far away.
Yami held him just as tightly. “I…didn’t think you’d be here either…I thought…a few days ago instead…”
“That’s when…everyone else…”
“Exactly…”
“Today I always come instead…it’s the day…”
“The worst day, losing them…and then…what I said…”
Their half-sentences were cut off as they both remembered what they’d said. Yugi stared into Yami’s shirt for a moment, and then took a deep breath and raised his head, fully prepared to apologize for what he’d done four years before. But instead, he found himself staring into Yami’s face. And Yami was crying. Not sobbing, not just watery-eyed, but full-out weeping.
“Yami, you’re crying.” Yugi whispered, and reached up, placing his hand on Yami’s damp cheek. “You never…used to cry around me.”
Yami opened his eyes and smiled, very painfully. “After losing five of my best friends…and then losing the person I loved more than anything…believe me, I learned to cry in public pretty fast.” He whispered back, his voice wavering.
“Yami, I’m so sorry…”
“No, don’t start. I’m the one that’s sorry and I should be.”
“I accused you of not caring though! I know that wasn’t true-“
“You had every right to accuse me…”
“I did not.”
“Yes you did.”
“Yami…”
“Yugi.”
They stared at each other in silence, till Yami pulled back and Yugi let his hand fall from Yami’s face.
“Look…Yami…”
“Yugi, please don’t say it.” Yami’s face was still full of hurt, but he still managed to smile. Yugi’s heart ached, seeing it. Yami’s smile…he missed it so much. Seeing this weak, half-hearted, haunted version of it was more than he could stand. “Please don’t say it, Yugi. I don’t want to hear your apology, because I don’t deserve it.”
“Yes, you do.” Yugi murmured.
Yami shook his head. “No.”
“Yami, please-”
“Yugi, don’t-“
“NO!” Yugi shook his head too, back and forth wildly before crying out, “Please let me just tell you! I’ve spent the last four years wishing I could say this and I’m not going to let you tell me I can’t!”
Yami stared, tears still spilling down his face. He ignored them. Yugi, breathing a little heavily, stared back.
“I’ve been wishing…forever…that I could change the things I said. I didn’t mean all those things. I really…at the time, Yami, I wanted to thank you and I didn’t know how. You’re all that got me through that time, and I had no idea of how to let you know how thankful I was, and then you started yelling, and I never saw…you wanted comfort so badly and I never even tried to give it to you. Your pride, your determination to protect me…I’m sorry I made you neglect yourself that way. I knew that you needed help and I didn’t give you any. I really wanted to tell you the same thing you told me. That it was okay to cry, that it was okay to feel angry and hurt and everything. Everyone keeps telling me, even now, that everything will be okay, but it won’t be! You never lied to me, you told me the truth and helped me accept it, and I…I didn’t…I didn’t help you at all.”
“Yugi…that’s not true-”
“Yes it is!”
They stared at each other again, nearly mirror reflections. Finally Yami lowered his eyes. “Okay…so maybe it is. But it’s true that I was just as horrible, expecting so much of you after you lost your best friends, and walking out on you on the anniversary of the funeral. I made mistakes too, bad ones.”
“Yami, yours weren’t mistakes.”
“Yes, they were. I never should have done that to you.”
“You did nothing to me. It’s what I did to you that was wrong. Because of me you neglected yourself. You suffered.” Yugi looked away for a moment. “Yes, I was sad to lose them. And I was a wreck for awhile, I know I was. But it wasn’t worth you holding all of that inside just to try to take care of me. It wasn’t worth that.”
Yami was quiet for a little while, then looked back up. “Maybe it wasn’t. But you were.”
“Yami, no…”
“Yes, yes you were.” Yami placed one hand on Yugi’s shoulder and looked into his eyes. “To me, you were worth it all. If I could go back I’d do it again, except this time I wouldn’t walk out. But I would be there and be strong for you again. You didn’t need my burdens too. Any suffering I did, I did gladly. If it helped you even a little…then it was worth it. My only regret is the way I reacted. I never should have yelled at you. I don’t care how weak I was…I had no good reason to break down when you needed me.” Yami’s gaze didn’t waver, but Yugi did suddenly see a little bit of shame appear in his eyes. Yugi felt terrible.
“No…Yami, no. I realize you wanted to help me, and that means a lot, but…Yami, you’re human too. And you have feelings too. Just because you’re normally tough, you still have every single right in the world to break down and to ask for help when things are too hard for you. Weakness isn’t shameful, you never had to hide it from me. Please Yami…don’t be ashamed of that.”
“I’m still sorry. Maybe it was understandable, but it was still a mistake that I regret. And I’m so sorry…”
“Yami, that was my mistake.” Yugi took over quickly. “I never took care of you or helped you…that is entirely my mistake.”
“No, it was mine.” Yami refused to give in.
“Then I guess we…made the same mistakes.” Yugi finally replied quietly.
“I guess so.” Yami replied, just as quietly.
“We’re the two biggest screw-ups on the face of the planet.” Yugi said, suddenly laughing through his tears, laughing, for the first time since Yami had left!
“You got that right, no one could top us.” Yami was suddenly chuckling too, and they threw their arms around each other and laughed and cried at the same time, clinging to each other, lost in memories. Four years was a long time to be apart, especially for them, who had always been inseparable. And four years was a long time to go without truly smiling or truly laughing. But no matter how much they missed it or welcomed it back, eventually they found themselves growing quiet again, with nothing more to say. And it was then that Yami unlocked his arms from around Yugi without warning and stepped away.
“What’s going on?” Yugi asked, looking up at him.
Yami checked his watch, and sort of glanced around near his feet, then replied quietly, “it’s been longer than I thought…so…I’d better go.”
Yugi stared at him in surprise. “Go where?” he asked, confused.
“Home.” Seeing Yugi’s face, Yami added, “To Kyoto. I…I moved there after…leaving. I had to get away from here.”
“So you did vanish…I tried to look you up but I could never find you. I didn’t think to look down south…so that’s where you went then, huh?”
“Yeah…I had to do something.” Yami scuffed the ground.
“So you’re leaving…again?” Yugi felt sick just at the words.
“My plane takes off in a little while, I really should…you know, make sure everything’s packed and go check in for the flight. I just came back here to talk to Kaiba about updating my duelist contract since I haven’t been in the circuit for four years, and I came to visit this place today…well, you know. I didn’t plan on staying very long, I didn’t know you’d be here.” Yami’s voice was growing softer and softer. He still stared at the ground.
“Oh…” Yugi was silent. Yami thought he understood what Yugi was thinking.
“I’m sorry to have…you know, put you through all this. On this day of all days.”
“That’s okay. I don’t mind, it meant…I got to see you again.”
“Yeah.” Yami replied, smiling softly. Yugi’s heart raced at the smile. Yami turned. “Well…Yugi…take care, okay? Maybe I’ll…come visit sometime? If that’s…all right with you?” He asked it tentatively, hopefully.
“Yami, you know how they say time heals everything?” Yugi suddenly asked, anxiously.
“Yeah.”
“I don’t agree. I think there are some things that time can’t heal. I think that…those things…only the heart can heal them. It takes…love to heal them.”
Yami looked toward the memorial stone. “I miss them too, Yugi.” He replied softly. “It was horrible and I’ll never…I doubt I’ll ever stop missing them. I know what you mean.”
Yugi looked toward the memorial too, then back at Yami. “No, Yami, I was talking about…us.”
“Us?”
“Yes…Yami, I’ve missed you. More than anything…”
“I’ve missed you, too, Yugi, but-“
“But what?” Yugi’s eyes were starting to blaze with a familiar stubbornness.
“But…” Yami shook his head. “Yugi, don’t…”
“Don’t what? Don’t ask if we can’t try again? Why not? Why can’t we try again?”
“Yugi, no…” Yami looked even more pained now at those words, the very words he’d wanted to avoid.
“Why ‘no’? Yami, tell me, why no?”
“Because…because…all this…it happened and…we can’t ignore it-”
“It happened, that’s just it. Didn’t we just make up from that old fight? Isn’t it in the past now?”
“Making up doesn’t mean…”
“Doesn’t mean what?”
“Yugi, don’t do this to me!”
“Why not? Yami, what is the problem?”
“The problem is that I still love you!” Yami cried.
“And that’s a problem?” Yugi asked, confused again. “Yami…I love you more than anything! I always have, I still do, I always will…and you’re saying that the problem is that you love me back?”
“Yes! Because I can’t…I can’t…” Yami sunk to his knees. “Yugi, after all this, I can’t…go through it again. I can’t forget the things I said and the…way I acted and…I can’t do it.”
Yugi’s eyes softened and he knelt down too. “Yami, it’s…it’s okay.”
“No it’s not.” Yami sobbed, swiping his hands across his face, to no avail. “Dammit!”
“Yami, no…listen to me. It’s okay.” He pulled Yami close up against him, held him firmly in his arms, felt Yami turn his face in to press against Yugi’s chest now and felt him cry harder, his body shaking. He caressed Yami’s hair and murmured, “You don’t have to go through anything else again.”
“Yugi, I still love you. I never stopped loving you.”
“I love you too, Yami.”
“I really want…more than anything…to stay. But I won’t let you take me back. You deserve someone better.”
“That’s why you’re leaving, then? To protect me?”
“Y-Yes.”
“Yami…you’re so…” Yugi shook his head and didn’t finish, just held Yami closer. There were tears in his own eyes as he murmured, “look, don’t worry about what I deserve, I’ll decide that for myself. Worry about yourself. Or better yet…let me worry about you for once. Let me be the one to do the comforting. You don’t have to be so strong all the time. I don’t need you to be. Not now, not after everything. I’ve grown up.”
Yami looked up at him. He’d never had this sensation before, never been held like this before, been comforted and felt safe. He’d always been the one doing the comforting. For the first time, he knew what it was like to be the one being helped. “You’ve always been grown up,” he whispered.
Yugi smiled, a true bright smile, and Yami smiled back. “I’ve missed that smile of yours, Yugi,” he said softly.
“I’ve missed yours, too,” Yugi replied, just as tenderly, as Yami leaned up and their lips met for a long desperate moment, and their kiss tasted exactly the same as Yugi remembered, even after four years. It sparked the same emotions, the same locked-away feelings in them both…it felt as if no time had passed at all. When they broke apart, Yugi knew it was the last chance he’d have.
“Yami…please…don’t leave. Just a chance, just one more…that’s all I want. You don’t have to move back in now, we can take it slowly. You can get a hotel room here, we can visit, and just…start out anew. Isn’t that…what our friends would have wanted?”
Yami nodded and sat up, staring into Yugi’s eyes. “It is…they were practically happier than us when we confessed how we felt in the first place. I can see them now, telling us how stupid we are…for waiting so long.”
“That’d be us. Being stupid.” Yugi replied, smiling again as he fell forward into Yami’s waiting arms, and they embraced tighter than ever, as if trying to find a way to merge back into one person again.
“It doesn’t hurt so much anymore.” Yugi whispered into Yami’s neck.
“I know Yugi…”
“I think it’s working already.”
“What is?”
“Love…time was hardly doing a thing, but now…just being here with you…I feel so much better than I ever did before…I miss our friends, but I can handle it now. Yami, I love you so much.” He nuzzled Yami softly. “And thank you…for everything…you saved me.”
“And you as well.” Yami kissed his hair and hugged him closer. “You’ve always been…you will always be the only person…that I care about so much. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me.” Yami pulled back and smiled. “But, I really should get back to the hotel now.”
“What? Why?” Yugi asked, bewildered again. “Are you still leaving anyway? After all that?!”
“No!” Yami laughed, a deep, true, cheerful laugh that made Yugi go lightheaded. “I want to call the airlines and tell them I want my money back for my ticket!”
Yugi broke into a glorious smile and dove back into Yami’s arms as they laughed, long and happily, for the first time in years. Even though they were in a cemetery, they felt no guilt for their childishness, because they both knew that of all the people, their friends would have been the happiest to know that they were back where they belonged-with each other.