Dec 20, 2006 13:11
It's been a really long time since I've updated this thing, but while many things have happened, life in itself has not changed so much. I have a house with Bryan that we share as roommates pretending they're not boyfriends, I work at the Flying Star, I volunteer to work on shows, mostly at the Albuquerque Little Theater. I have two cats, Molly and Tux, who are cute as can be and keep me company now and then. I still love Tori Amos and I still smoke too much pot.
While everything is generally the same now, it feels like it is changing soon. For one, my desire to smoke is becoming less and less, and, just as I did with alcohol, I feel myself getting sick of it enough to quit. I feel like I've spent almost two years not really dealing with my problems and emotions and just smoking them away until I felt pretty much numb and things didn't suck so bad. Of course, now I feel old at 22, I go to bed really early, and I have only a few friends that I see much or hang out with. The especially unfortunate part is that I don't feel very different. I feel satisfied just being around home all the time and working at a restaurant.
That is not good. I'm young and there's no reason I shouldn't be hot, smart, and partying. Well, not like I'm going to go crazy some time soon, but perhaps without so much smoking to make me not care, I'll actually start wanting to go out. As of right now, I unfortunately force myself out to feel better and then spend the whole time thinking about going home. How lame is that?
My plan to come home so that I could jump off to Chicago soon seems to truly be possible. My car is worth enough that I can sell it and I've done some good saving. The life I really want seems possible, but now I just have to figure out if it's really what I want. My brain is so jumbled sometimes that I'm not sure whether I want to move to run from my problems, or if I really do have a goal I plan on finishing and a successful future planned out. I guess the only way to know is to go and just try. Making that decision is where I am now.