on moving
I went to castine, ME for a few days, and then moved here - a non-airconditioned hellhole (for the moment)
the history and memories of my family seems more immediate here in that old house,or maybe it's only become that way recently as my grandfather slowly loses his grip on time and memory. we are trying to find ways of saving the house, it was where he was born and where his mother (my great grandmother) lived. though it been in my family since the late 1800's the taxes have skyrocketed and things need - doing - every year. and more and more. it's strange to watch all the people in this tiny town grow old and i get nervous that only the tourists and those businesses who cater to that crowd will survive. kenny eaton down at the boat yard says - "these are the golden yeaahhs but its hahhd to find the golden." those soft maine r's which roll away into ah's instead. each year coming back the coast line seems to change, and does. but still, i felt calm there.
now in my tiny closet + kitchen i am sweating and irritable. i feel out of place here and it's only been a few days. out of my element and it's crazy not to find anything familiar, while iknow that i may end up liking it all - right now i hate the city and the crazy hotness and cat calls and no trees and grid system. i miss my truck and my cat and the freedom of driving. my apartment feels like a dorm room and the street smells bad. my brother leaves for the navy in exactly a month.
the history and memories of my family seems more immediate here in that old house,or maybe it's only become that way recently as my grandfather slowly loses his grip on time and memory. we are trying to find ways of saving the house, it was where he was born and where his mother (my great grandmother) lived. though it been in my family since the late 1800's the taxes have skyrocketed and things need - doing - every year. and more and more. it's strange to watch all the people in this tiny town grow old and i get nervous that only the tourists and those businesses who cater to that crowd will survive. kenny eaton down at the boat yard says - "these are the golden yeaahhs but its hahhd to find the golden." those soft maine r's which roll away into ah's instead. each year coming back the coast line seems to change, and does. but still, i felt calm there.
now in my tiny closet + kitchen i am sweating and irritable. i feel out of place here and it's only been a few days. out of my element and it's crazy not to find anything familiar, while iknow that i may end up liking it all - right now i hate the city and the crazy hotness and cat calls and no trees and grid system. i miss my truck and my cat and the freedom of driving. my apartment feels like a dorm room and the street smells bad. my brother leaves for the navy in exactly a month.