(no subject)
behind her the music played loud. she pushed the other wise toxic fluid through her flesh. a wince of pain got caught on the other side of the glass, her eyes widened as she realized the monster with the sofee shorts was her. Butterfly slapped her thigh, a red handprint spreading fast against the otherwise blanched flesh. her teeth clenched, a taste of blood filling her mouth. she leaned against the sink, and released the pink fluid to drain from within her blackening core.
"Miss, you have an appointment schedualed with Dr. Dealy this Wednesday."
"i cant make that, i have plans."
"miss, it is rather important you come to this appointment, you have already reschedualed three times. Dr. Dealy says this cant wait any longer."
"just make sure they fill my prescriptions."
"Butterfly, this is Dr. Dealy. listen up, you skip another appointment, and i cut of the supply. you got it?"
"you're threatening me?"
"be here, wednesday."
her thoat tightened as more of the horrid fluid filled behind her teeth. lungs burning, she pushed hard on the porcelain with palms that shook like fierce clasp against a hurricane.
"every time, every damn time." she muttered as she gasped for air.
the tiny bathroom walls seemed to close in around her. the floor shook with a secret. she layed down her hands pushed against her eyes. she had created darkness, she was safe in the dark. the ring sounded through her ears as the pain slowly took over. she waited it out, as she always did, realizing she had cut her hand against something as she came back to the world. grabbing for a towel, she stood on fawn legs. quickly she turned off the light, afraid to see what the mirror would now hold.
the spaekers were turned up so loud she didnt have time to think. her phone vibrated to life in its cozy phone sofa, a purchase she could not pass up. Buttterfly stared in dismay at the number, Angle. he had been calling for two days straight, but she was still trying to figure out how to handle him.
after the horriable car incident, he had brought her back home. as he had opened the door, she had shhhed him, afraid that the Beast would find her as she was. he had only gripped her tighter to him, her arm slung around his neck, his arm cradeling her legs and back. the trip up the stairs had made her dizzy, but as he layed her in bed everything began to swim away. tired, finally, she closed her eyes in defeat. never aware of how long he had watched her sleep, Butterfly awaoke the next morning to find him gone. a note was tacked to her door: "ill be back later. i promise. Angle"
she had crumpled the paper between her fingers, never believing in anything anymore, and then got ready for work.
yet, that day when he had called, she really wasnt surprised. guilt is an awful thing. it can consume the body, turn the pores inside out. the eyes burn, the soul weeps, and the guilt spreads like a fringe benifit of the midas touch. Butterfly was well aware that most of the time guilt controlled her friendships, relationships, and so on. she beleived that this was what Angle was experiencing. he had always been selfish, soemthing she admired about him. while she worked to make others see the beauty of life, he mocked those who couldnt do things for themself. he had known her when the world was bright, and together they had been the ying-and-yang of each other.
"Butterfly, for christ sake, quit smiling for just like five seconds." a ten year old Angle stared at the skinny eight year old who sat out a game of tag.
"why?" wonder filled her eyes, the questions, her questions, were endless.
"you just got booted out of a game of tag."
"im too small."
"that is a load of crap!"
"you dont think im too small?"
"i think you gave up too easy is all," he looked back at the game, and then the girl, "i mean, face it toots, you are small."
"duh" the gap-toothed blonde slapped her forehead playfully.
"gah...you should have told them to all fuck-off."
immediatly Butterfly's hands flew to her ears. a wide gaze of admeration, and wonder taking over the territory of her face. a giggle lapsed once, and then turned into high pitched laughter.
"you tell them!"
with that Butterfly continued to laugh. shaking his head Angle stood up to leave, and then walked back to the group playing tag.
"let her play." he demanded through burning eyes.
"what if we dont." the biggest boy approached him, his head tilted to the side. the group of playground follies watching with anticipation.
thus, began the first fight Angle had ever endured for Butterfly, who was always picked to play every game; from then on out.
the knock on the door made her jump. he came in silently, his head bowed down. closing the door behind him, he joined her on the floor. together they layed on thier backs, her hands folded against her chest, his tucked behind his head. above them floated posters, and glow in the dark stars.
after what seemed like a lifetime, he could take it no more. "so, how are you feeling?"
she kept her eyes directed above, "fine, i am always fabulous doll, you should know that by now."
"there is alot of stuff i should know Butterfly."
a sigh escaped her lips. flipping on her side, she propped her head up with one arm.
"why did you come here?"
"why didn't you call?"
"i am a coward remember?" a slight smile crossed her face, but her eyes held the same sad stare.
"do you ever not smile?"
"only if i am laughing."
"you know, i thought i hated you, but then i see you, and i doubt myself."
"you dont hate me you liar..."
he looked at her and furrowed his brow, "excuse me..?"
"you came here for me."
he shrugged his shoulders and looked back up at the ceiling. if is had been the end of a romance they would have hugged. the beginning, they would have kissed, but the world was turned up-side down. nothing felt predictable. Angle knew that his phone had filled with calls, he knew that he was wishing he didnt know what he did, also knowing he wanted more. she was pulling him like taffy, twisting him like a fine knott on a gold chain. he had realized right away that her family was unaware; that her doctors spoke only to her, a lucky thing illness had waited to collet her after the tender age of 18. he knew that all around her were friends who spoke the secret as if it was the latest hype. he knew that she was not the same, but she was somehow still herself. however, he had no idea why he had come. his mothers words stifled him, a friend dying, was so different from a friend who had met death. like she did to everyone, Butterfly was trying to convince death she would never be right for it. hanging on tight to life, becuase it was the only thing she did well. her fears were like her guidelines, leading her to take the risk, say the word, run the race.
Butterly knew he was thinking. she could feel it on him, his thoughts swimming fast around his body. the room was getting dark as the sun outside the large plate of galss began to sink. for the first itme in her life she was ok with the silence.
she knew they would talk, she was waiting for the words to get right, eventually they would. still, she could not rid herself of the fear, that he would leave her, as she ahd left him. or even that she might have to escape again.
the Apple was predicting her future,the hospital was holding her hand, but she had and Angle at her side.
"Miss, you have an appointment schedualed with Dr. Dealy this Wednesday."
"i cant make that, i have plans."
"miss, it is rather important you come to this appointment, you have already reschedualed three times. Dr. Dealy says this cant wait any longer."
"just make sure they fill my prescriptions."
"Butterfly, this is Dr. Dealy. listen up, you skip another appointment, and i cut of the supply. you got it?"
"you're threatening me?"
"be here, wednesday."
her thoat tightened as more of the horrid fluid filled behind her teeth. lungs burning, she pushed hard on the porcelain with palms that shook like fierce clasp against a hurricane.
"every time, every damn time." she muttered as she gasped for air.
the tiny bathroom walls seemed to close in around her. the floor shook with a secret. she layed down her hands pushed against her eyes. she had created darkness, she was safe in the dark. the ring sounded through her ears as the pain slowly took over. she waited it out, as she always did, realizing she had cut her hand against something as she came back to the world. grabbing for a towel, she stood on fawn legs. quickly she turned off the light, afraid to see what the mirror would now hold.
the spaekers were turned up so loud she didnt have time to think. her phone vibrated to life in its cozy phone sofa, a purchase she could not pass up. Buttterfly stared in dismay at the number, Angle. he had been calling for two days straight, but she was still trying to figure out how to handle him.
after the horriable car incident, he had brought her back home. as he had opened the door, she had shhhed him, afraid that the Beast would find her as she was. he had only gripped her tighter to him, her arm slung around his neck, his arm cradeling her legs and back. the trip up the stairs had made her dizzy, but as he layed her in bed everything began to swim away. tired, finally, she closed her eyes in defeat. never aware of how long he had watched her sleep, Butterfly awaoke the next morning to find him gone. a note was tacked to her door: "ill be back later. i promise. Angle"
she had crumpled the paper between her fingers, never believing in anything anymore, and then got ready for work.
yet, that day when he had called, she really wasnt surprised. guilt is an awful thing. it can consume the body, turn the pores inside out. the eyes burn, the soul weeps, and the guilt spreads like a fringe benifit of the midas touch. Butterfly was well aware that most of the time guilt controlled her friendships, relationships, and so on. she beleived that this was what Angle was experiencing. he had always been selfish, soemthing she admired about him. while she worked to make others see the beauty of life, he mocked those who couldnt do things for themself. he had known her when the world was bright, and together they had been the ying-and-yang of each other.
"Butterfly, for christ sake, quit smiling for just like five seconds." a ten year old Angle stared at the skinny eight year old who sat out a game of tag.
"why?" wonder filled her eyes, the questions, her questions, were endless.
"you just got booted out of a game of tag."
"im too small."
"that is a load of crap!"
"you dont think im too small?"
"i think you gave up too easy is all," he looked back at the game, and then the girl, "i mean, face it toots, you are small."
"duh" the gap-toothed blonde slapped her forehead playfully.
"gah...you should have told them to all fuck-off."
immediatly Butterfly's hands flew to her ears. a wide gaze of admeration, and wonder taking over the territory of her face. a giggle lapsed once, and then turned into high pitched laughter.
"you tell them!"
with that Butterfly continued to laugh. shaking his head Angle stood up to leave, and then walked back to the group playing tag.
"let her play." he demanded through burning eyes.
"what if we dont." the biggest boy approached him, his head tilted to the side. the group of playground follies watching with anticipation.
thus, began the first fight Angle had ever endured for Butterfly, who was always picked to play every game; from then on out.
the knock on the door made her jump. he came in silently, his head bowed down. closing the door behind him, he joined her on the floor. together they layed on thier backs, her hands folded against her chest, his tucked behind his head. above them floated posters, and glow in the dark stars.
after what seemed like a lifetime, he could take it no more. "so, how are you feeling?"
she kept her eyes directed above, "fine, i am always fabulous doll, you should know that by now."
"there is alot of stuff i should know Butterfly."
a sigh escaped her lips. flipping on her side, she propped her head up with one arm.
"why did you come here?"
"why didn't you call?"
"i am a coward remember?" a slight smile crossed her face, but her eyes held the same sad stare.
"do you ever not smile?"
"only if i am laughing."
"you know, i thought i hated you, but then i see you, and i doubt myself."
"you dont hate me you liar..."
he looked at her and furrowed his brow, "excuse me..?"
"you came here for me."
he shrugged his shoulders and looked back up at the ceiling. if is had been the end of a romance they would have hugged. the beginning, they would have kissed, but the world was turned up-side down. nothing felt predictable. Angle knew that his phone had filled with calls, he knew that he was wishing he didnt know what he did, also knowing he wanted more. she was pulling him like taffy, twisting him like a fine knott on a gold chain. he had realized right away that her family was unaware; that her doctors spoke only to her, a lucky thing illness had waited to collet her after the tender age of 18. he knew that all around her were friends who spoke the secret as if it was the latest hype. he knew that she was not the same, but she was somehow still herself. however, he had no idea why he had come. his mothers words stifled him, a friend dying, was so different from a friend who had met death. like she did to everyone, Butterfly was trying to convince death she would never be right for it. hanging on tight to life, becuase it was the only thing she did well. her fears were like her guidelines, leading her to take the risk, say the word, run the race.
Butterly knew he was thinking. she could feel it on him, his thoughts swimming fast around his body. the room was getting dark as the sun outside the large plate of galss began to sink. for the first itme in her life she was ok with the silence.
she knew they would talk, she was waiting for the words to get right, eventually they would. still, she could not rid herself of the fear, that he would leave her, as she ahd left him. or even that she might have to escape again.
the Apple was predicting her future,the hospital was holding her hand, but she had and Angle at her side.