Gran Gala Del Calcio spam
(Oi, old blokes in the background - clear off, there’s an awards ceremony going on.)
I’m still not sure what this thing IS (is it the same as the Calcio Oscars or something different?), but the Gran Gala Del Calcio had winners from Inter, Milan, Udinese, Napoli and Juve, so I felt it my duty to spam it. Edi, fortunately, is not wearing an oil slick this year.
Andrew Frogley in his frogly clothes.
I’m pretty sure that’s exactly the same photo just zoomed in a bit, but I had to put it up or DB would have killed me.
Here is Pablo Armero. I’d never actually heard of him before, but it seems he’s one of Udinese’s 5,000 Colombians (which might explain it, actually). The chap on the left doesn’t play in Serie A.
There! A nice, sensible suit and a snuggly scarf.
Edi feels confident he’s going to get a better fashion score this year.
Lovers of shiny black satin need not worry, though; Maggio’s wife is flying the flag.
(Could have done without the shiny tights, I must say.)
The Milanisti posed in graduated height order.
Shortly before taking the photo, someone hit them all in the face with a brick.
Ibra: “How long do I have to hang around with these losers?”
Whoops, slipped up and showed the demon form.
Nice armpits, madam presenter. (The name Alessia Ventura sounds familiar... wasn’t she one of Bobo and Pippo’s beards or something?)
Samir Handanovic of Udinese was voted best goalkeeper. He celebrated by shaving so closely he looked about ten years old.
(If I’ve understood the transcript correctly, Di Natale said “Buffon’s miles better than you!” and Handy replied, “You’re crap compared with Ibra!” Lads.)
Best defenders: Christian Maggio at right back, Thiago Silva in the middle, Andrea Ranocchia/Alessandro Nesta also in the middle (they shared the award) and the aforementioned Pablo Armero on the left. No idea why Nesta didn't turn up.
Frog and Silva were terrible at pretending to like each other.
Fortunately, because there were South Americans present, they were obliged to do a dance.
There, that’s much better.
That bloke and bird seem to be trying to join in; wonder if they’re as crap as I suspect they are?
Then there was the customary kicking of footballs into the crowd.
Health and safety regulations not pictured.
Then they were made to hold their trophies, which depressed them all again. (Wtf is that trophy, btw? Is it a little person doing yoga?)
Whatever this is, I’ve decided to blame it on the Napoli calendar.
Best midfielders: Kevin Prince Boateng, Marek Hamsik and Thiago Motta/Claudio Marchisio (they shared the award). Two of them were less invisible than the other two.
(Apparently Hamsik had a slight injury and had been ordered to rest. No idea why Marchisio didn’t turn up, though. Slacker!)
KPB. Does he always look that awkward when he grins?
Motta mostly looked creepy and suspicious, natch. “WHO ARE YOU? WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? IS THIS TROPHY RIGGED TO BLOW UP?”
“Hmmm, don’t think the Earthlings noticed anything unusual.”
Eventually he got his little yoga award. If it blew up, the camera didn’t catch that part.
And he even managed to smile and make a speech! \o/ The effect was slightly ruined by that blow-up doll on the left.
Then Udinese were voted Best Club.
Straight afterwards, Toto Di Natale was announced as the first of the Best Strikers.
Next striker: Edinson Cavani. He apparently felt somewhat uncomfortable.
And then the studio shone a light on him that made him look positively Satanic. I’m scared.
Papa Capz was called upon to offer glowing tributes. Well, his cheeks glowed, anyway. *Discreetly takes away his drink*
Final striker: Zlatan Ibrahimovic.
*Tries to pretend that his current hair/facial hair configuration is better than the old one*
Then the attacanti did a reasonable job of looking amiable
and a fleet of extraneous women lined up to present them with their yoga trophies.
It’s a little-known fact that the strikers are chosen by strict height criteria. Edi is hunching over a bit to make sure he still qualifies.
Hee. Middle one: thrilled! Right: pleased. Left: yawwwwn.
Ibra waved and tried to look as if he was interested,
and that he wasn’t going to eat anyone.
Whoops; slipped again.
Then he got the overall award for Best Player, as well as the striker one. Is Cavani laughing at his hair? I like that boy more every day.
Blimey, Toto must be fed up of shaking hands with the bloke who sneaks past him every year. (Edi, meanwhile, is stuck in YAY mode.)
Edi: *Closes his eyes so he doesn’t burst out laughing at The Hair again*
Then there was more kicking.
Wtf, now Toto looks ten years old as well. Is it the make-up and lighting, or is there something in the water in Udine?
Anyway, he successfully kicked a football without killing anyone.
Ibra: “Yes, yes, this is all very interesting. Can I put these down now?”
Cappello was given some made-up-sounding award (“The critics’ prize awarded by journalists” is what Google Translate is calling it) and gave a shout-out to Cassano. Awwww.
Next, El Shaarawy was rewarded for being the Best Young Serie B Player (cos he was with Padua last year).
Has he adopted that hairstyle to conceal premature balding? Cos he seems to have a very Pandev-like hairline.
RINO! \o/ He was there to promote the Milan Foundation, whatever that is. Good god, how much weight has he lost? He looks tiny, poor man.
Finally, Max Allegri got the Best Coach award. I really hope he didn’t try to do the yoga thing. (Rizzoli got Best Ref, but I don’t have any photos of him.)
The Napoli-Inter Coppa spam is coming next, now that I’ve got this and the calendar done.