Inter-ness: Making Things as Hard as Possible
(Javi is so over this shit.)
Milan were the better team for the whole match, and fully deserved to win. Really, that's all there is to it. In the first half, Inter came out and played with all 11 men behind the ball, which they never, ever do, and it looked a whole lot like Mancio was playing for a scoreless draw. (Which, when you're playing Can't Stop Scoring Pippo, is clearly a very unwise idea.)
Once Milan finally scored the goal that had been coming the whole match, Inter looked very resigned, sort of like most of us probably feel when they're playing like crap and go down. Like "Ah yeah, this again." Paddy's awful giveaway for the second goal just a few minutes later only made things worse, and it seemed like it wasn't really until subs started to come on that Inter developed a sense of urgency. Crespo had a couple pretty good chances early, but Kalac basically didn't have to make a save, and Cruzi's free kick goal with 15 minutes left was either Inter's first shot on goal or very close to it.
Things got exciting after that, because Suazo came on and didn't fall down, Cruzi got interested, and Roberto Rosetti started giving Inter free kicks like they were going out of style. Sadly, after lining it up for about an hour, Chivu put the last free kick of the game about 100 miles over the bar and it ended 2-1 to Milan.
Milan 2 - 1 Inter
Inzaghi 52 (M), Kaka 56 (M), Cruz 76 (I)
Milan: Kalac; Bonera, Nesta, Kaladze, Favalli (Jankulovski 41); Gattuso (Brocchi 66), Pirlo, Ambrosini; Kaka, Seedorf; Inzaghi (Pato 77)
Inter: Julio Cesar; Maicon, Rivas (Maxwell 81), Materazzi, Chivu; Vieira, Zanetti, Cambiasso; Maniche (Balotelli 65); Cruz, Crespo (Suazo 72)
The Morattis were representing, as was Berlusconi, but they seem to have avoided on another successfully all afternoon.
Mario was chillin' before the game, hanging out on the pitch with the big kids, but once the game started he was on the bench.
Mancio was pretending he wasn't nervous at all.
(HAI SINISA.)
"This time I'm sure I left the iron on."
The Curva was packed and awesome. Away fans or not, they whistled down every song the Sud tried to start during the two hours leading up to the match.
Then the game had to start, which was sad.
Let's start with Paddy, shall we?
He started out sort of well, chased a couple balls down in the midfield and imposed himself, albeit slightly.
But then that ended, and he was just sort of blandly sucking like everyone else.
Wandering around in the midfield, passing to the right team pretty often but, you know, not ever really doing anything good.
(Trying to ignore frenzied Inzaghis.)
And then there was the problem of Kaka.
Paddy sort of gave Ambro the ball, which led directly to Kaka's goal.
(I can't believe I'm saying this, Paddy, but I still love you.)
Crespo got the start because he likes to score in derbies. (Didn't happen, but he and Nesta did get to work on their choreography.)
Despite this picture, basically did nothing, but he certainly wasn't the only one.
I don't know if they talked about it on TV or not, but the best thing he did was early in the game, when he told Rosetti the ball went off him, and Inter shouldn't get a corner. The Sud approved.
Later he was less generous to the referee, but since his stroppiness is sort of cute, no one was very scared.
Cruzi was all over the referee ALL DAY.
All it got him was a chance to shake hands with Rino, for reasons that were unclear to everyone but Rosetti.
(SO winning the battle of the expressions.)
When he wasn't bitching, Cruzi was probably Inter's best field player, but I must really emphasize here that everyone sucked.
(Making the better face again.)
He definitely was Inter's most threatening player but, again, not saying much. He did, however, clattering Kalac once.
He also scored from a kick kick that Kalac couldn't see, which made the match a whole lot more interesting.
*tries to tear eyes away from the tangle of legs*
Cruzibelly! (It was a crappy game, right? We have to get joy from these small things.)
"Hey Julio! Do you see anyone in red celebrating?" "Sorry, Paddy, can't talk now. I'm busy ignoring those people in red celebrating."
"We're fucked." "Yeah."
Cruzi's secret boyfriend was mostly invisible (apart from his bald head), which was very sad.
He did work on his judo skills, but since football the point, that didn't really help anyone much.
Because Deki is hurt (AGAIN), and Little Luis is apparently dead, Maniche got the start in behind the strikers.
To his credit, he didn't stand out for any massive errors and did have an actual shot on goal in the first half. Woo hoo?
Granted, I wasn't that close to them, but I can officially report that Javi's thighs are just as impressive in person, even from half-a-pitch away.
Really, it's hard to talk about anything else.
What? Football? Well, he didn't suck, the Capitano, but he couldn't grab the game and take control of it like he sometimes does when everything is going to hell, which must have been hugely frustrating to him.
Just a guess, that frustration thing.
Wild guess.
While Javi was dying of frustration, Mancio was getting his pose on.
"Roberto is wearing an Armani vest, perfect for those late spring days when you need something breathable."
"It's fitted, but the material is resilient enough to stay snug no matter how much you move around."
"Because who knows when you'll need to execute the international sign for 'Oh my god I'm so ashamed?'"
Speaking of being ashamed.
No matter how much he protested, Matrix was awful.
*tries not to luagh*
It's no coincidence that he was always near exulting Milan players -- he was getting eaten alive; Kaka used him particularly badly on Pippo's goal.
It's always so hard to know whose fault is when this happens, b/c the midfield is partially to blame, but when Matrix sucks, he SUCKS.
(Another glimpse of that Bad Idea Tattoo.)
HE NEVER TOUCHED HIM! *ahem*
This, however, was awesome -- he was the first person back on the pitch after halftime and just stood there, letting the Milan Curva sing through their entire catalog of VAFFA MATRIX songs, looking entirely undisturbed.
Rivas partnered him and made a couple of important tackles (esp one late, when Pato was about to be off to the race).
Overall, though, he, like Matrix, was overmatched, and Mancio will probably ignore him for the rest of the season.
Chivu was preferred over Max at left back, god only knows why.
His most memorable contribution was this: Skying a free kick with the last touch of the match.
Maicon, on the other side, ran around a lot.
And made muppety faces, but other than that? Not much to brag about.
Suazo came on for Crespo with a little over 15 minutes left, and I actually thought he was pretty good.
When he wasn't wrestling with Bonera, he was hugely confident and actually did good things with the ball at his feet instead of just falling down, or giving it away.
Despite the fact that he had to pick the ball out of the net twice, JC was easily Inter MOTM.
He made a couple crucial saves early, and really kept the scoreline respectable.
Matrix let Kaka cross it right to Pippo's head for the first goal, JC couldn't even move.
And Paddy's error let Kaka in entirely alone for the second goal.
Again, JC totally without blame.
So, yeah, totally sucked, lead down to three over Roma. But in reality, nothing has changed: If Inter would just win a damn match, the title is theirs. So, I dunno, maybe beating Siena next Sunday would be nice? PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD?