Inter-ness: Welcome to Bizarroland
(*whimper*)
In Bizarroland (AKA 2005), Patrick Vieira is the best player on the pitch by a mile, controlling the midfield, anticipating passes, scoring goals and generally being a constant threat. Also, he's adored by a certain Little Luis. Yeah, I don't get it either.
Scary things about the match aside, there was a lot of progress -- the first half was the best Inter have played in ages and, though the second was much more sluggish, it was a long way from crap. Like I said: Progress. And with the progress came three points, so it's hard to find too much to complain about.
Inter 2 - 1 Palermo
Vieira 5 (I), Materazzi og 26 (P), Jimenez 36 (I)
Inter: Julio Cesar; Maicon, Burdisso, Materazzi, Chivu; Vieira (Rivas 94), Cambiasso, Zanetti; Jimenez (Figo 62); Cruz, Ibrahimovic (Crespo 79)
Palermo: Fontana; Biava, Rinaudo, Zaccardo; Cassani (Cavani 80), Guana (Tedesco 46), Migliaccio, Simplicio, Balzaretti; Miccoli (Jankovic 46), Amauri
Moratti was all smiles before the match.
"Everything's fine with the club! Nothing to see here. Would you like to visit my lair?"
(Argies.)
Look at the Little Luis hustle! (This is foreshadowing.)
Keeper love.
Forget shaking hands, Maicon has peeps to acknowledge.
Aw. Matrix likes Biava.
Zaccardo was captain not because Barzagli is useless (though he is), but because he had some sort of fitness problem.
That referee looks so much like Kaka that it actually chills me.
WTF is Javi giving him? Since when do they exchange wrapped gifts?!
JC is fired up, while Little Luis is alarmed by Chivu's grip on his knee.
Off the pitch, everyone was chillin.
"Did I leave the iron on?"
*falls over laughing*
"You -- fast guy. Not playing."
Aw. That's nice, if totally insane.
"Oh, good -- my kids are here with the banner I they made."
I've noticed Vieira is always first in the Inter spam.
Either he's awful (usually), or he's rolling back the clock to 2005, and absolutely dominating (once).
Patrick Vieira feeds on tiny Italians. You've been warned, Miccoli.
Come on, man -- this is Paddy. You think you can stop Paddy?!
MOTM by a mile, it wasn't even close.
"Yeah, where's your hating now, bitches?" (I think he's talking to me.)
Conny thinks he needs to be drug tested, because nothing natural explains his transformation.
She could be right, because his goal, with Zlatan's help, was fantastic.
It was also odd how quickly he was moving -- beating people to the ball right and left.
Especially Fontana, and his giant, Mickey Mouse gloves.
Yes, these really are all pictures of the same header.
"I TOLD HIM TO DO THAT."
"Yeah come on -- boo me now, tifosi!"
My god, Maicon is looking tiny.
Aw! Here comes Little Luis!
Even Zlatan gets in on the love.
Yeah, this is a little creepy. I feel like if Cuchu saw, he'd have been wide awake last night, terrified of those eyes.
Thanking the fickle supporters.
(Mancio took him off late, so he could get some love.)
Since Zlatan's pass created Paddy's goal, he can go next.
(Holey socks.)
He had a couple good chances that didn't come off, but he certainly didn't play badly.
Danger, defense. Danger!
Ah, the demonface. All is right with the world.
"Football is so easy."
He was taken out shooting, got up, chased the ball down, and crossed it by doing this. Yeah, he's a little skilled.
Did I mention skills?
Honestly. This is ridiculous.
I love that he's completely and totally ignoring Migliaccio's existence, despite the little man's best efforts.
It's a little-known fact that Simplico is four feet tall.
red boots >>>>>> orange boots
Crespo came on for him.
Zlatan was annoyed.
The lip-reading media are flipping out because he supposedly muttered something about hoping Mancio leaves.
Honestly. Who cares? 75% of players who come off are pissed and mutter things about murder and firings.
"I don't care. Do I look like I care?"
Zlatan could have been annoyed because his strike partner had been totally useless all day, but still got to stay on.
Possibly.
You could tell things were bad because even the bitchface wasn't working right.
He did try to do his part, even getting stuck in with the other Argies and defending.
Even his drama didn't come to much, though.
(The pitch being like soap didn't help, either.)
HAI LITTLE LUIS.
He had a great first half, did the Stableboy.
It was his first start in about 100 years, and he had energy to spare.
He was way active, including heading in the shot Paddy had put off the bar (albeit from an offside position).
(Mmm ... Little Luis skin.)
Maicon played the ball back to him in the box and Luis touched in behind himself and then slotted it home.
*dies of the adorable*
Forgetting running away, he wanted his Paddy.
Honestly, there is something going on here.
It went on, and on, and on as a queue for hugging developed.
Zlatan was very uncomfortable.
Julio decided the best approach was to pretend he couldn't see them.
Little Luis really, really didn't want to climb down.
"Javi! Can you get them apart? Please?"
"Luis. Seriously. You have to let go."
"This is looking really weird. Please go hug someone else."
He did his captain's bidding, but notice the lack of leg action. Totally not into it.
(Trying to play it cool.)
When he wasn't trying to keep his teammates from having sex on the pitch, Javi was his usual busy self.
(Though only the Palermo site seems to have noticed.)
"Julio. JULIO!"
Thiiiiighs.
(Surveying the scene.)
Mmhmm. Whatever, Guana. You keep trying.
Maicon was good yesterday, especially in attack.
(Balzaretti's saggy socks of love.)
Being amazing by how little Simplicio is.
You're not going to believe this, but Matrix was pretty good.
(Apart, I mean, from the own goal.)
He did a shockingly good job controlling Amauri, who was much less terrifying that usual.
It did end up causing him a lot of pain, though.
Not only was there the usual, casual, head-to-head contact.
There was also serious Cavani-elbow-to-Matrix-head contact, which knocked him out cold.
Not to worry, though, he was awake shortly, yelling at the referee and BEING SENT RIGHT BACK ON BY THE MEDICAL TEAM.
"Can you see me, Marco? You're fine."
He seemed to have been feeling ok, but still. Even I know that's not a good idea!
"WOO HOO! Wait. Is it over? Did we win? Where am I?"
For reasons known only to Mancio, Nico was preferred to Rivas as Matrix's partner.
I suppose he does offer eye-clawing skills lacked by Rivas.
And he's very good at holding, too.
And, also, committing fouls that very much are not penalties.
Cuchu also played the whole match, but the photographer didn't really notice.
When Paddy actually plays well, Cuchu has much less frantic running around to do.
He was still busy, though, and definitely looked better than he has the last couple matches.
Chivu played the whole match, too.
He didn't do anything spectacularly wrong, which is really all we can ask from him right now.
He was (as usual) all kinds of eager, constantly strolling around the attack half.
*sigh* Oops.
Figo came on for Little Luis and played almost a half an hour.
Despite the whole "being an asshole" thing, he was applauded when he came on. Inter fans are nothing if not forgiving.
Crespo played about 15 minutes.
During which he didn't really make much of an impact. But, look -- jumping! (Yes, I'm grasping at straws.)
Apart from when he spilled the first shot on the own-goal, JC played well.
After he spilled it, he made two point-blank saves.
Before it went in off Matrix, and Simplicio pretended the goal was his.
He got down impossibly well to make this save.
And, of course, there was the usual flying and punching.
After the match, there was selective stripping.
"YAAAAAY!"
"Um. I mean 'whatevs.' *cough*"
And by "selective" I mean "Nico, and anyone else who was bothered."
*is not laughing at all*
(Please notice Fontana groping Martix. Interesting.)
At Genoa on Wendesday, then home to Juve (!!!!), on the weekend. So, so much work to do yet.