Now Featuring: The Cringeworthy Catalog!
Okay, recently we here at Casa Hedonia received in the mail a catalog of "gift" items (their term). Those of us afflicted with this publication, however, found it to be a collection of objects so incredibly taste-free that it almost made us want to sterilize our hands after reading it. Demographically, it seems to be aimed squarely at the retired, the trailer-dwelling, the drunk, and anyone else for whom senility and/or anal expulsive behavior is a badge of honor. Everything in it could populate e_ticket's annual Bad Gift Exchange from now till the next millenium.
But I can't wait that long to show off the crap (I can hear the chant at the Bad Gift Party now: "EAR-LY CRAP!"), so I'm going to try doing so here. We'll start in the bathroom, where coincidentally most of the catalog's humor resides. Liven up your personal pee space with their exclusive:
Outhouse Bath Collection!
What better way to make your guests feel at home in your bathroom than to invoke images of a huge hole in the ground filled with raw sewage? All of the following items are perfect for inspiring guests to wash their hands 27 times and not touch anything else in your home.
Yes, these techno-phobic cuties feature "a lineup of old-time outhouses and whimsical sayings" (and really, who can get enough of "whimsical outhouse sayings"? Frankly, who can even think of ONE whimsical outhouse saying? Nobody I know - they all went in for that snooty book larnin' and actually finished grade school).
And why stop there? Use the matching outhouse wallpaper border to literally line the walls with memories of unearthly stench, rampant bacteria and splinters in the ass on freezing winter nights. Show the world that that if it weren't for that Yankee health inspector, you'd go right back to the Good Ol' Days! And show your guests that in your house, you ain't too snooty to talk about your own poop! And anybody who's got a problem with that probably shouldn't let the door hit 'em where the good Lord split 'em!
(And for next time, might we suggest: the Hammer Beer Bottle Opener?)
But I can't wait that long to show off the crap (I can hear the chant at the Bad Gift Party now: "EAR-LY CRAP!"), so I'm going to try doing so here. We'll start in the bathroom, where coincidentally most of the catalog's humor resides. Liven up your personal pee space with their exclusive:
Outhouse Bath Collection!
What better way to make your guests feel at home in your bathroom than to invoke images of a huge hole in the ground filled with raw sewage? All of the following items are perfect for inspiring guests to wash their hands 27 times and not touch anything else in your home.
Yes, these techno-phobic cuties feature "a lineup of old-time outhouses and whimsical sayings" (and really, who can get enough of "whimsical outhouse sayings"? Frankly, who can even think of ONE whimsical outhouse saying? Nobody I know - they all went in for that snooty book larnin' and actually finished grade school).
And why stop there? Use the matching outhouse wallpaper border to literally line the walls with memories of unearthly stench, rampant bacteria and splinters in the ass on freezing winter nights. Show the world that that if it weren't for that Yankee health inspector, you'd go right back to the Good Ol' Days! And show your guests that in your house, you ain't too snooty to talk about your own poop! And anybody who's got a problem with that probably shouldn't let the door hit 'em where the good Lord split 'em!
(And for next time, might we suggest: the Hammer Beer Bottle Opener?)