(no subject)
in fifth grade we were walking to our parents cars. across the street. looking both ways. we were young. it was the last day of school and she gave me a ring, it was her grandmothers and very special. it was because i was her best friend. it had a purple stone. its my birthstone. but shes dead.
her hair was long and blonde and beautiful. and she loved everyone. an old friend called and told me the news. speculations about how she died. i sat in my car shaking. screaming no over and over again. ive never faced death, not once in my life have i lost someone. i am not sure what to do with my hands or with my thoughts. all i can think of is sleep but it doesnt come.
i know that God is good. that he is faithful and even in the despair i feel now he is good and he hears me and he is redeeming everything. i hope she sees his face now.
she was in the Ms. PHS pageant once. thats how i remember her right now. that she was beautiful and she was like a flower.
she called me a few weeks ago. she wanted to be with me, to go to church and to untangle her life.
i am thinking so many things at once. the last time i saw her. the last things i did with her. i put her socks on her feet because she was in the hospital. we raided the freezer for icecream. we said i love you. i know she knew i loved her.
i almost stopped by her job to see her. i didnt.
i almost called a thousand more times but i never did.
and now shes dead and i cant believe it. and i cant cry anymore.
i stood on the bridge in the rain. watching the creek keep going, and the rain dive to the water in silver beams. there was a rainbow. i keep seeing them lately.
i cant believe shes dead. if i called her i dont know who would answer her phone. i want to tell her one more thing. just one more.
im trying to not regret things and rethink things. i do know for sure i loved her always, and i do know for sure she knew that. this much i know is true.
her hair was long and blonde and beautiful. and she loved everyone. an old friend called and told me the news. speculations about how she died. i sat in my car shaking. screaming no over and over again. ive never faced death, not once in my life have i lost someone. i am not sure what to do with my hands or with my thoughts. all i can think of is sleep but it doesnt come.
i know that God is good. that he is faithful and even in the despair i feel now he is good and he hears me and he is redeeming everything. i hope she sees his face now.
she was in the Ms. PHS pageant once. thats how i remember her right now. that she was beautiful and she was like a flower.
she called me a few weeks ago. she wanted to be with me, to go to church and to untangle her life.
i am thinking so many things at once. the last time i saw her. the last things i did with her. i put her socks on her feet because she was in the hospital. we raided the freezer for icecream. we said i love you. i know she knew i loved her.
i almost stopped by her job to see her. i didnt.
i almost called a thousand more times but i never did.
and now shes dead and i cant believe it. and i cant cry anymore.
i stood on the bridge in the rain. watching the creek keep going, and the rain dive to the water in silver beams. there was a rainbow. i keep seeing them lately.
i cant believe shes dead. if i called her i dont know who would answer her phone. i want to tell her one more thing. just one more.
im trying to not regret things and rethink things. i do know for sure i loved her always, and i do know for sure she knew that. this much i know is true.