Sit Down and Shut Up - Ranting LJ style

[ahavah]

(This is for Week 8 of therealljidol)

Rant:

• Get offended at something said in an email.
  
• Write a sternly worded, passionate post about why that person is the greatest MORON in history.
  
• Include a couple witty links to prove how right you are.
  
• Bask in the glory of your friends telling you “Right on!”
  
• Wallow in despair as your coworker forwards it to the boss.
  
• Explain that you meant MORMON, and that by “holier-than-thou” you really meant that you totally admire his devout convictions.

Rant 2.0

• Get pissed off at someone in a community.
  
• Fire out your rage through the keyboard, but this time on the community.
  
• Lock down your journal when teh drama arrives in waves.
  
• Give someone a vulgar earful/delete your comment/somehow get banned from community.

Rant Beta

• Get pissed off somewhere in cyberworld.
  
• Try to stay quiet, but stew and stew
  
• Unleash a maelstrom of “OMG YOU SUCK IN EVERY WAY!”, only this time friends-lock it.
  
• Receive comment that says, “Um, I don't think this is locked. You might want to check it.”
  
• Friends-lock.
  
• *facepalm* when a screencap from that sixteen seconds of public posting shows up on Encyclopedia Dramatica

Rant 3.1

• See someone snarking you this time.
  
• Rant and rave, but friends-lock. Sextuple-check.
  
• Rant and rave again when someone reposts quotes in a public forum.
  
• Massive f-list cut. Alternately, you could post a helpful poll and filter out all the people who don't like you.
  
• Be nice for a long time.

Rant 3.2

• Try, try, try to hold it in.
  
• This time make it witty and snarky.
  
• Sit on it a day or two to make sure it is in fact witty and snarky, and not bitchy and whiny.
  
• Post it, locked, deca-checked.
  
• Consider it an improvement when it's QWP on metaquotes
  
• Add a bunch of new, cool, snarky friends.

Rant 3.3

• *headdesk* when it becomes apparent that one of your new, cool, snarky friends is a sockpuppet from The Losers of Rant 2.0
  
• *stomp bunnies and kitties* when you realize you'd added new, cool, snarky friend to naughty filter.
  
• Tell everyone on your f-list that you hate them! Except, of course, for the ones who offer you huggles.
  
• Attempt to get fake MySpace page taken down.
  
• Wallow in despair when your coworker forwards it to the boss, who shows it to his golf buddy, whose wife passes it on to her best friend from choir practice, who shows the minister and his wife, who tells your mother.
  
• Explain to the minister, his wife, and your mother why there are topless pictures of you with a riding crop, straddling a fat guy with a bit in his mouth.
  
• Explain to your PETA-loving sister-in-law that you do not actually stomp bunnies and kitties.
  
• Scrap that crappy journal, adopt a cute nom de plume, and join therealljidol to prove that your writing is truly witty and that you can make decent friends.
  
• Hold it in, hold it in, hold it in. For the love of God, hold it in.