Who Sings that Song, that's right, not you...
I never imagined the American culture could have degraded to the point where classic songs are ritually slaughtered by new artists to the point where they become unrecognizable. To prove my point, let's try a simple test
Who originally wrote and performed the song, "American Pie"?
A) Madonna
B) Bruce Springstein
C) Don McClean
D) Elton John
E) Send me to a Chinese labor camp because I don't know the answer and therefore am not American
In accord with this question, there are answers with their appropriate punishments, let's review...
- If you answered A, the punishment is death. Madonna did some terrible shitty remake of the classic, but who would have known this because the only appropriate use of Madonna music is as a deterrent to scare homeless people out of subway stations.
- If you answered B, you are wrong, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume...nevermind, you're expelled to Canada, have fun with the beavers.
- If you answered C, you are correct. Congratulations, you represent the minority of people who don't worship Carson Daly as their prophet.
- If you answered D, chances are you had one too many sleepovers at the NeverLand ranch, and that's punishment enough.
- Alright, if you answered E at least you were honest enough to admit your unworthiness and for that I can't say I hate you entirely. Unfortunately I've still got to send you away. Have fun making McDonald's toys!
The sad thing is, a lot of people will have no idea what the answer is. You may be laughing but I'm not lying, and it's not only with the degradation of pop culture (excuse the oxymoron). Take for example a freshmen I was tutoring in math the other day. Here I am, actually trying to help and this girl couldn't find 3 on a number line. I was really hoping she was just kidding around, but sure enough, she quite confidently pointed out -4. I checked to make sure the paper wasn't backwards, that I wasn't crosseyed, and that I hadn't suddenly been warped into another dimension where Richard Simmons replaced Einstein or something. After all three checks came back negative, I asked the girl is she was serious and then pointed out the correct answer. I think she grunted out some sentence like, "I'm kidding" or some other senseless gibberish, but by then I had stopped listening and was deep in thought about the dangers of de-evolution. I wish I could have told this girl's mother that when the family tree stops forking, it's time to stop having kids. I mean honestly, if you can't find 3 on a number line you are capable of ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. That's right, no hat at Burger King, no lesson on operating the superdangerous fry vat, no complex tutorial on the magical box that exchanges money, you get nothing at all. If you're lucky, you may just be acceptable to be used as Grade F meat for circus animals, but then again, maybe that's asking too much.
Who originally wrote and performed the song, "American Pie"?
A) Madonna
B) Bruce Springstein
C) Don McClean
D) Elton John
E) Send me to a Chinese labor camp because I don't know the answer and therefore am not American
In accord with this question, there are answers with their appropriate punishments, let's review...
- If you answered A, the punishment is death. Madonna did some terrible shitty remake of the classic, but who would have known this because the only appropriate use of Madonna music is as a deterrent to scare homeless people out of subway stations.
- If you answered B, you are wrong, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume...nevermind, you're expelled to Canada, have fun with the beavers.
- If you answered C, you are correct. Congratulations, you represent the minority of people who don't worship Carson Daly as their prophet.
- If you answered D, chances are you had one too many sleepovers at the NeverLand ranch, and that's punishment enough.
- Alright, if you answered E at least you were honest enough to admit your unworthiness and for that I can't say I hate you entirely. Unfortunately I've still got to send you away. Have fun making McDonald's toys!
The sad thing is, a lot of people will have no idea what the answer is. You may be laughing but I'm not lying, and it's not only with the degradation of pop culture (excuse the oxymoron). Take for example a freshmen I was tutoring in math the other day. Here I am, actually trying to help and this girl couldn't find 3 on a number line. I was really hoping she was just kidding around, but sure enough, she quite confidently pointed out -4. I checked to make sure the paper wasn't backwards, that I wasn't crosseyed, and that I hadn't suddenly been warped into another dimension where Richard Simmons replaced Einstein or something. After all three checks came back negative, I asked the girl is she was serious and then pointed out the correct answer. I think she grunted out some sentence like, "I'm kidding" or some other senseless gibberish, but by then I had stopped listening and was deep in thought about the dangers of de-evolution. I wish I could have told this girl's mother that when the family tree stops forking, it's time to stop having kids. I mean honestly, if you can't find 3 on a number line you are capable of ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. That's right, no hat at Burger King, no lesson on operating the superdangerous fry vat, no complex tutorial on the magical box that exchanges money, you get nothing at all. If you're lucky, you may just be acceptable to be used as Grade F meat for circus animals, but then again, maybe that's asking too much.