Let's Play 2...

[aguyfromhowell]

It wasn't the bottom of the 9th. The bases were not loaded and the scores weren't even close, but I still struck someone out looking on an eefus. You might not know what that is, but you're probably just not versed in the myriad of pitches I am capable of throwing. Imagine a soggy piece of meat traveling at about 20 mph in an arc larger than the one in St. Louis. Yea, that's an eefus. It is probably the slowest, ugliest, yet most enticing pitch ever thrown. There is something about it that causes people to blankly stare as it crosses the plate. If I didn't have a terrible fear of vagabonds I'd bet my house that I could strike Barry Bonds out. I'm sorry buddy, but that was strike 3. Yes I just struck you out. Can't believe it? Don't worry because neither can I. Along with my sidearm pitch and fastball, batters don't stand much of a chance. Honestly, who can handle a 50 mph fastball. Changeup you ask? None at all my friend. I greatly doubt I could throw slower if I tried to. So today's stage was the JV Freshmen scrimmage. Coach Mac walked onto the field with a big head, thinking his freshmen had some sort of chance against the incomprehensible awesomeness of our team. From the start we just shut them down. 5 innings later it came time for a grand finale closing and they called on none other than me. 8 pitches later it was all over. No questions, no recount, no doubt, the freshmen goose was cooked. That marks the second time I've pitched a perfect inning in only two outings. The stats are looking pretty superfabulous if I may say so.
I----ERA----H----SO----BB----E----Pitches (Career)
2----0------0----2-----0-----0----15
Randy Johnson is probably at home lactating over those stats right now.
Maybe in the future, they should have the freshmen scrimmage our softball team. That way, they might stand some sort of a chance.