Survey Says...You're an Idiot...
So I was watching the revival of Who Wants to be a Millionaire, now rebirthed with the new name "SuperMillionaire". Did anybody remember when it originally went off the air? I just remember one day turning it on after not having watched it in a while and seeing some lady with a British accent where Regis used to be. I felt betrayed. That was a REALLY smart decision by the show's executives. Hey guys, the show's ratings are going down the tubes, it's probably the fact it's become so repetitive that people would rather go watch 60 minutes or go blind. So instead of changing the show or just saving all the trouble and canceling it, let's fire the show's famous host so absolutely NO ONE will have any idea what's going on, and nail our own coffin shut in the process. So the show got canceled and Regis went back to hitting on Kelly Ripa on that dumb morning show, but all was not settled. There was still a large majority of Americans, myself included, who actually LIKED Who Wants to be a Millionaire and found a one hour void in our lives every night once it was gone. Well maybe not to that extreme, but just imagine. So when I heard Millionaire was coming back, I naturally got excited, but then I heard the catchphrase, "Super" attached to it. Oh no, anything but making Millionaire extreme. Standard procedure by Corporate Executives is to try to make everything "extreme" to improve ratings. Maybe the reason I originally liked the show was because of the questions, or watching very dumb contestants sweating it out in the hot seat. Nothing was better than watching some poor slub struggle over a question for an hour, waste two life lines, and still end up getting it wrong. Congratulations, you could have played it safe, or trusted your gut instinct, but no, you polled the audience. Surprised they didn't know? Well maybe you shouldn't have asked them about a nuclear physics problem. Unless you're polling the audience about the color of the sky, or what planet Al Gore came from, you just can't trust their responses. I for one would be the first person in the audience to randomly select my answer, just to spite you. So the person ends up losing $2,342,389,763 and cries as security guards drag him off while he's screaming that he won't be able to feed or cloth his 17 kids. Yet, Regis is still smiling. You wanna know why? Cause he's a certified asshole with a degree from Yale AND Princeton. He's the country's leading asshole authority. I mean there are other assholes out there, like the lady from the Weakest Link, but in reality her Brookdale education only made her somewhat witty with an ability to blur the ends of sentences sort of fast. Frankly, I wasn't impressed, probably why her show ended up biting the bullet just like Greed and all those other terrible spin-offs. No one else but Regis can stare you straight in the eyes and lead you to answer a problem wrong, all the while secretly laughing at you. You jackass, you had the right answer all along, but I'm going to ask you if it's your final answer twice so you second guess yourself and then answer wrong. Awww, you got it wrong? Too bad, really doesn't matter to me though, my only problem is which Ferrari to drive home tonight. If I'm ever on the show and Regis makes me get an answer wrong, I'm drop kicking his ass out of his chair and probably won't feel bad about it afterwards. You better use your phone a friend life line to call the hospital Regis, cause your ass is grass. Don't think I'd do it? Then you've never played me in a game of Who Wants to be a Millionaire Home Edition. I wouldn't be surprised if your dentist bill was 5 grand after leaving my house from playing that game. So anyway, after watching the show I was really surprised by how good it was, and by that I mean, how it's basically the same as it was originally, the same dumb contestants and the same washed up old man staring you down from the opposite chair. The only real difference is that you can win up to 10 million dollars and have 2 new life lines. The bottom line is, Who Wants to be a Millionaire is better than the OC, One Tree Hill, Dawson's Crack, and all the other bullshit feel good recycled hollywood garbage shows put together. Plus, my brother says that every time you don't watch the show, he's going to microwave a baby kitten and won't even care. That means GO WATCH the show so it doesn't get canceled again, and if not for anything else, do it for the kittens.