Missing "Home"
I've been feeling rather homesick lately; This nervous feeling that seems to take over my body on occasion. I have a lot of time to think here and after a while I start thinking of things I would rather now. For one, I thought about going home and how far away it seems for me to able to go back. No cheap flights in sight at the moment. If I go I have to drive and while it's not all that bad, being in a car for over 5 hours alone does get old. Twice in 2 days? Even worse. I just miss everyone and until last night I wondered if I would get anymore visitors. I talked to Ricky last night and he told me he is planning on coming up here the weekend of the 16th of March because they will have spring break. Miguel said he is planning on coming up and Rudy might make it also. The more the merrier. But still it's not the loneliness that bugs me. I'm used to spending time alone. I feel like I'm missing something, like I should be doing something else besides the routine that I have set for myself now. It's nice to get out and go to the gym and play basketball but I don't want that to be my only source of distraction. Maybe I'm getting too far ahead of myself?
So I actually remember another dream. I dreamed of her again. We were driving around the entire dream and at random stops we would turn to each other and make out. We used to do that when we first met. Everywhere we went we would sneak in a kiss. The dream had us end up at my old high school, only it looked different. I remember all of a sudden being in the back seat of the car we were in and looking at her as she sat in the passenger front seat. I looked at her and noticed she had her engagement ring on her hand. But of course it didn't bug me in the dream because she was making out with me the whole time so I knew she was into me again. We got out of the car and kissed again before being interrupted by some guy. I ended up leaving her there and wandering around the campus, only the campus was a bunch of bungalows. As I walked around looking for who-knows-what I kept seeing old friends of mine, only they were my friends from elementary school as well as high school. I walked into one of the bungalows for something and that's where my dream ended. I hate thinking about her. Why do I still do it? Sometimes I'm fine and other times I miss her. And of course after the dream, today she sent me another message on MySpace. I'm jealous of her for finding someone else; I'm happy for her for being able to move on; I hate her for giving up on us and me; I miss her. All mixed emotions when I think about her. It would be easier to just not to.
After all that though, all I want is to see familiar faces again. That's not too much to ask is it? This transition is taking longer than I thought it would. I'll be fine I know, but it's always easier to just vent frustrations. I know I should be thankful for what I have and the opportunity I've been given. Believe me, I am.
So I actually remember another dream. I dreamed of her again. We were driving around the entire dream and at random stops we would turn to each other and make out. We used to do that when we first met. Everywhere we went we would sneak in a kiss. The dream had us end up at my old high school, only it looked different. I remember all of a sudden being in the back seat of the car we were in and looking at her as she sat in the passenger front seat. I looked at her and noticed she had her engagement ring on her hand. But of course it didn't bug me in the dream because she was making out with me the whole time so I knew she was into me again. We got out of the car and kissed again before being interrupted by some guy. I ended up leaving her there and wandering around the campus, only the campus was a bunch of bungalows. As I walked around looking for who-knows-what I kept seeing old friends of mine, only they were my friends from elementary school as well as high school. I walked into one of the bungalows for something and that's where my dream ended. I hate thinking about her. Why do I still do it? Sometimes I'm fine and other times I miss her. And of course after the dream, today she sent me another message on MySpace. I'm jealous of her for finding someone else; I'm happy for her for being able to move on; I hate her for giving up on us and me; I miss her. All mixed emotions when I think about her. It would be easier to just not to.
After all that though, all I want is to see familiar faces again. That's not too much to ask is it? This transition is taking longer than I thought it would. I'll be fine I know, but it's always easier to just vent frustrations. I know I should be thankful for what I have and the opportunity I've been given. Believe me, I am.