Art Adventures, Part 5
Wow, what a couple of weeks! I am still saturating in the adventure a bit.
With the help of our lovely and supportive beaus, we moved out of our space last night. B. and I were both sad, but hopeful that we would return very soon. It seemed like a good and necessary endcap to our adventure, to move out, clean up, and formally close that chapter of our exploration. If (more likely when) we move back in, we will do so in a deliberate fashion, planning where things go, how we lay things out for the long term, laying foundations of solid intention for our future there instead of just rolling with the leftovers of our first foray into our shifting identities. We will be there because we have fully chosen it, the loose ends will be tied up, and we will create the new space with optimism and excitement to start fresh.
We went back and forth several times on whether or not we would keep the space. I did a lot of tarot readings in the process. Some days the tarot leaned toward a "no" on trying to keep it, some days "yes". And in truth, the days it said "no," that was the right answer. Because on those days we had not yet fully brought all our fears and doubts to the light. We would have taken the space in a spirit of, "Shit, if we don't take this now, we will not be able to find anything like it again," instead of doing it from a place of security in what we want, and why we want it, and belief that the universe will provide for us to become who we really are.
Several of the later days in our time there we drew the "Ace of Swords" as our card for the day. "Something needs to be expressed," was the line that always stood out to me in drawing that card. So we'd talk about the space, about what we wanted, about what we were afraid of. Then the next day we'd draw the same card again. And sure enough, just as I thought everything had been expressed, I'd find it had not. In two weeks we made some major personal shifts. We went from, "Can I really have this?" to "I don't want to live without this for another day," to "I can have whatever I need, and whatever I put my mind to having." After we had finally assuaged our doubts, we stopped pulling the Ace of Swords.
The last day in the studio we drew the Page of Cups. It's funny, too, because I thought a lot of the Page of Cups during our adventure (which is part of the inspiration for the fish in my first painting). The card is about creativity, playfulness, and the surprising/surreal nature of creative inspiration. We're drinking a glass of water or wine, and suddenly a fish jumps from our cup and says, "Hello!" That's pretty much how everything started. Our fishy muse might as well have jumped from our coffee mugs two weeks and four days ago.
Today as we met again over coffee to discuss what we would talk to the landlord about when we met him that day, we drew the Six of Cups, the same card we drew the first day we decided to do all of this. But this time it read differently. It talks of reminiscing on a more playful time, on bringing the childlike excitement of the past into the present. What was beautiful about that was that our past was not all that past at all. We were practically reminiscing on the present. We had achieved that state of childlike play. And we would continue to encourage it.
I'm generally not very open about my forays into tarot because of old fears I have had of people being judgmental about it. Funnily I don't worry as much anymore, because after using the tarot in a pretty dedicated fashion for a few months, I just don't doubt them anymore. They are uncanny often in how right on they are. They have proven to be a wonderful source of inspiration and guidance, an easy and fun way to delve inside myself in a non-judgmental way that allows for quick shifts to occur. For me, tarot was one underpinning of this journey. It remarked on where we were at collectively, on where we were heading, on what we were hiding from ourselves and what needed to be brought to the light.
Toward the end of the time I did an amazing tarot reading that was so wonderful and inspiring. It basically emphasized what I already knew... I am finally on my path. I am doing what I need to be doing. But I don't need tarot to tell me that. I can tell how happy I am by how people react to me when I am sharing this experience with them. People seem to like being around me more, they are excited for this journey, and I think it is even more about how it changes me than it is about what I am making. It is opening me up. And I finally feel ready for this road. I feel like I have the tools to defend this important aspect of my life when I need to, to create time and space for it, to understand what I really need, to stay dedicated to producing and following my inspiration, to keep myself on a path of true personal enjoyment, to market and promote myself, to toot my horn in the right way, to be excited to share what I create, to make all the necessary connections to succeed at it, to give myself a good foundation to approach it in a healthy way that does not drain me. Mark my words, in a year I will be in a very different place. And I finally, truly believe that.
It's been so fun to share this journey with Grant, too. I am so tickled by how proud he is of me, and how much he had enjoyed being a part of it. Having his support was so important to me, and I just feel so lucky to have him in my life.
Today B. and I talked to the landlord about what we need to happen in order to come back in a month, and he is going to talk to the owner. I think he likes us a lot and is going to pull for us to get a lower rate on the space. While we wait for our opportunity to move back in next month, I will be sorting out the situation with my current office, making plans for some new paintings upon my return, and putting a new work schedule in place to accommodate my art and writing.
Two weeks. We've changed a lot. We are both happier, more optimistic, more fulfilled. We know what we want for a change. I have a feeling that a lot is going to be different from here on out. The world we lived in two weeks ago is gone. We've stepped into an alternate reality. It's about time!
EDIT: As I am reading back over this and my paragraph on what I have learned or what I possess that makes me ready for this road, I found it amusing to realize that I said nothing about my skill or talent or whether or not people like my work! Now isn't that something?
With the help of our lovely and supportive beaus, we moved out of our space last night. B. and I were both sad, but hopeful that we would return very soon. It seemed like a good and necessary endcap to our adventure, to move out, clean up, and formally close that chapter of our exploration. If (more likely when) we move back in, we will do so in a deliberate fashion, planning where things go, how we lay things out for the long term, laying foundations of solid intention for our future there instead of just rolling with the leftovers of our first foray into our shifting identities. We will be there because we have fully chosen it, the loose ends will be tied up, and we will create the new space with optimism and excitement to start fresh.
We went back and forth several times on whether or not we would keep the space. I did a lot of tarot readings in the process. Some days the tarot leaned toward a "no" on trying to keep it, some days "yes". And in truth, the days it said "no," that was the right answer. Because on those days we had not yet fully brought all our fears and doubts to the light. We would have taken the space in a spirit of, "Shit, if we don't take this now, we will not be able to find anything like it again," instead of doing it from a place of security in what we want, and why we want it, and belief that the universe will provide for us to become who we really are.
Several of the later days in our time there we drew the "Ace of Swords" as our card for the day. "Something needs to be expressed," was the line that always stood out to me in drawing that card. So we'd talk about the space, about what we wanted, about what we were afraid of. Then the next day we'd draw the same card again. And sure enough, just as I thought everything had been expressed, I'd find it had not. In two weeks we made some major personal shifts. We went from, "Can I really have this?" to "I don't want to live without this for another day," to "I can have whatever I need, and whatever I put my mind to having." After we had finally assuaged our doubts, we stopped pulling the Ace of Swords.
The last day in the studio we drew the Page of Cups. It's funny, too, because I thought a lot of the Page of Cups during our adventure (which is part of the inspiration for the fish in my first painting). The card is about creativity, playfulness, and the surprising/surreal nature of creative inspiration. We're drinking a glass of water or wine, and suddenly a fish jumps from our cup and says, "Hello!" That's pretty much how everything started. Our fishy muse might as well have jumped from our coffee mugs two weeks and four days ago.
Today as we met again over coffee to discuss what we would talk to the landlord about when we met him that day, we drew the Six of Cups, the same card we drew the first day we decided to do all of this. But this time it read differently. It talks of reminiscing on a more playful time, on bringing the childlike excitement of the past into the present. What was beautiful about that was that our past was not all that past at all. We were practically reminiscing on the present. We had achieved that state of childlike play. And we would continue to encourage it.
I'm generally not very open about my forays into tarot because of old fears I have had of people being judgmental about it. Funnily I don't worry as much anymore, because after using the tarot in a pretty dedicated fashion for a few months, I just don't doubt them anymore. They are uncanny often in how right on they are. They have proven to be a wonderful source of inspiration and guidance, an easy and fun way to delve inside myself in a non-judgmental way that allows for quick shifts to occur. For me, tarot was one underpinning of this journey. It remarked on where we were at collectively, on where we were heading, on what we were hiding from ourselves and what needed to be brought to the light.
Toward the end of the time I did an amazing tarot reading that was so wonderful and inspiring. It basically emphasized what I already knew... I am finally on my path. I am doing what I need to be doing. But I don't need tarot to tell me that. I can tell how happy I am by how people react to me when I am sharing this experience with them. People seem to like being around me more, they are excited for this journey, and I think it is even more about how it changes me than it is about what I am making. It is opening me up. And I finally feel ready for this road. I feel like I have the tools to defend this important aspect of my life when I need to, to create time and space for it, to understand what I really need, to stay dedicated to producing and following my inspiration, to keep myself on a path of true personal enjoyment, to market and promote myself, to toot my horn in the right way, to be excited to share what I create, to make all the necessary connections to succeed at it, to give myself a good foundation to approach it in a healthy way that does not drain me. Mark my words, in a year I will be in a very different place. And I finally, truly believe that.
It's been so fun to share this journey with Grant, too. I am so tickled by how proud he is of me, and how much he had enjoyed being a part of it. Having his support was so important to me, and I just feel so lucky to have him in my life.
Today B. and I talked to the landlord about what we need to happen in order to come back in a month, and he is going to talk to the owner. I think he likes us a lot and is going to pull for us to get a lower rate on the space. While we wait for our opportunity to move back in next month, I will be sorting out the situation with my current office, making plans for some new paintings upon my return, and putting a new work schedule in place to accommodate my art and writing.
Two weeks. We've changed a lot. We are both happier, more optimistic, more fulfilled. We know what we want for a change. I have a feeling that a lot is going to be different from here on out. The world we lived in two weeks ago is gone. We've stepped into an alternate reality. It's about time!
EDIT: As I am reading back over this and my paragraph on what I have learned or what I possess that makes me ready for this road, I found it amusing to realize that I said nothing about my skill or talent or whether or not people like my work! Now isn't that something?