Hittin´ That
If there´s something I hate is writing something profound, or seemingly profound (I realize the differences are quite vast) and having it disappear for technical errors. Clearly genious cannot be recreated. But I will try nonetheless. Lately it feels like I´ve been playing a pinata. It´s like life spins me around and around and when it stops I have to somehow successfully make a hit. Fact is however, that I´m dizzy and blind, and more often than not just hit myself on the head. But you know, even if I´m batting air, at least I´m batting and odds are if I bat hard enough, long enough, I will eventually hit something. I´m aweful at math and statstics and its quite possible that that is entirely false, but that ain´t going to stop me from waiting for that shower of candy.
As 2008 comes to an end, I realize it was probably my toughest year yet. Dumped just a couple of days before hand, I spent my new year´s eve crying at my folk´s home, alone. Perhaps it set the the tone for the entire year. Perhaps it was just the darkness before dawn. I know it sometimes feels like all my hardest isn´t good enough, but I know nothing else, and there is nothing better, so it´s all I got.
Last year I wrote:
How do you shake that feeling
That something in your life
Is not where it ought to be
You’re not where you’re supposed to be ...
...How do you shake that notion
That the person you’ve become
Is not who ought to see
At least on some degree...
Today it seems to me that the person I´ve become is in fact who I´m supposed to be, and that I cannot be anyone, or anything else but that person. But I see her in the mirror, a tool of a sort, and I look at that tool with big doe wondering eyes... I don't know what to do with it, how to use it...this me. So I spin...and I hit...and I miss....and I hope...that maybe in 2009 something will break through.
As 2008 comes to an end, I realize it was probably my toughest year yet. Dumped just a couple of days before hand, I spent my new year´s eve crying at my folk´s home, alone. Perhaps it set the the tone for the entire year. Perhaps it was just the darkness before dawn. I know it sometimes feels like all my hardest isn´t good enough, but I know nothing else, and there is nothing better, so it´s all I got.
Last year I wrote:
How do you shake that feeling
That something in your life
Is not where it ought to be
You’re not where you’re supposed to be ...
...How do you shake that notion
That the person you’ve become
Is not who ought to see
At least on some degree...
Today it seems to me that the person I´ve become is in fact who I´m supposed to be, and that I cannot be anyone, or anything else but that person. But I see her in the mirror, a tool of a sort, and I look at that tool with big doe wondering eyes... I don't know what to do with it, how to use it...this me. So I spin...and I hit...and I miss....and I hope...that maybe in 2009 something will break through.