(no subject)
So, it’s the 23rd of July, or so I believe, and I’m still at home. There is something severely wrong with this picture. EVERYONE is gone. And either going through orientation or already taking classes at college. Damn you Smith College for starting on the 8th of September.
I’m sitting on the sofa rotating between rented Sex & The City and Seinfeld dvds. And eating my third min- box of frosted flakes. They aren’t even that good…actually, they might just be stale... Yes, ladies and gentlemen, this is rock bottom, or about as close to it as I hope to ever be.
The only reason that I really want to leave right now is because I’m obsessing out of lack of anything better to do. I have made over 23 lists of random things…packing, things to do in college, people to call, art projects, resolutions…I don’t even really know what else. I’m freaking out about Drew and the long distance relationship already, even though he is a sweetheart and has done no wrong (nor could he, as far as I am aware). I’ve been trying to pack for the past week but I’ll get through about 10 minutes of sorting miscellaneous items before getting nostalgic, calling it quits, and leaving for an hour long run at the gym. Maybe I should go running tomorrow on the NCR trail….I dunno.
The side of me that most people never get the pleasure of seeing is a very frantic, obsessive-compulsive one that only emerges when I don’t know what to do with myself. It happens rarely because I can usually keep myself busy and involved with lots of people/groups, but this period is tearing me up.
It doesn’t help that I’m nervous as hell about college either. What if noone likes me? What if a typical MA blizzard suddenly burries me while I’m walking to class? What if I can’t take the workload? What if I really do suck at making female friends as much as I think and thus end up lonely? What if there is not adequate veg food to be found and I starve? What if I’m way behind all of the private-school girls in academic respects? What if I stress myself out and fall back into a fragile state or even depression? What if my roommate hates me or has no personality? What if I suddenly become an alcoholic like my dad after casually doing the college party scene? Yeah, that one actually really scares me, especially since my personality mirrors his almost precisely in so many ways. What if I’m ostracized for being a minority straight girl? Ah, the last one was a joke, but you get the point. I’m ready to leave home but in this spare time I have found about 99 million factors that could make college a less than enjoyable experience. Maybe after my parents drop me off at Smith and say their goodbyes I’ll get a taxi into Boston and bum around for the next four years, haha. Man I’m a genius when it comes to discerning alternatives. And you know, running away from your fears is always a GREAT move. Yeah, enough the caustic sarcasm, I’m out.
I’m sitting on the sofa rotating between rented Sex & The City and Seinfeld dvds. And eating my third min- box of frosted flakes. They aren’t even that good…actually, they might just be stale... Yes, ladies and gentlemen, this is rock bottom, or about as close to it as I hope to ever be.
The only reason that I really want to leave right now is because I’m obsessing out of lack of anything better to do. I have made over 23 lists of random things…packing, things to do in college, people to call, art projects, resolutions…I don’t even really know what else. I’m freaking out about Drew and the long distance relationship already, even though he is a sweetheart and has done no wrong (nor could he, as far as I am aware). I’ve been trying to pack for the past week but I’ll get through about 10 minutes of sorting miscellaneous items before getting nostalgic, calling it quits, and leaving for an hour long run at the gym. Maybe I should go running tomorrow on the NCR trail….I dunno.
The side of me that most people never get the pleasure of seeing is a very frantic, obsessive-compulsive one that only emerges when I don’t know what to do with myself. It happens rarely because I can usually keep myself busy and involved with lots of people/groups, but this period is tearing me up.
It doesn’t help that I’m nervous as hell about college either. What if noone likes me? What if a typical MA blizzard suddenly burries me while I’m walking to class? What if I can’t take the workload? What if I really do suck at making female friends as much as I think and thus end up lonely? What if there is not adequate veg food to be found and I starve? What if I’m way behind all of the private-school girls in academic respects? What if I stress myself out and fall back into a fragile state or even depression? What if my roommate hates me or has no personality? What if I suddenly become an alcoholic like my dad after casually doing the college party scene? Yeah, that one actually really scares me, especially since my personality mirrors his almost precisely in so many ways. What if I’m ostracized for being a minority straight girl? Ah, the last one was a joke, but you get the point. I’m ready to leave home but in this spare time I have found about 99 million factors that could make college a less than enjoyable experience. Maybe after my parents drop me off at Smith and say their goodbyes I’ll get a taxi into Boston and bum around for the next four years, haha. Man I’m a genius when it comes to discerning alternatives. And you know, running away from your fears is always a GREAT move. Yeah, enough the caustic sarcasm, I’m out.