The Birthday Blues...
It will be my birthday in an hour and a half, and instead of feeling happy I am dismally sad. I didn't go to the beach this morning b/c I had a headache, and jill turned it into that I didnt want to go b/c "Everyone hates me." Why would I want to go with people who abuse me anyway? Its just so sad to look around and realize that nobody listens, they hear what they want you to be saying. Last year at this time I was hoping that I would have an accident of some sort and die so that I wouldnt have to put up with this... well I made it another year unscathed but accomplishing nothing whatsoever. I officially have no health insurance tomorrow, no job, and nothing to look forward to. Sure I am going to London next week, but after that what? I have a boyfriend who loves me very much and that is helping me greatly. My brother is so far up his girlfriends butt that he will not help me when I need help, and jill is a turncoat that uses laura and patricia as her brainless servants...all people that used to be nice to me...then they try to rationalize their behavior by saying that its b/c of how I act, I wouldnt be so mad and say that everybody hates me if they didnt act like they did! You arent supposed to be that mean to your own family. When my mom said she was worried about the plane crashing I said good I hope it crashes, but I dont think that I really want it to. I think the only people who would be genuinely sad would be my mom and Sukhvir, and my mom would get over it b/c she would inherit my nice new car. I know that I am being too negative about myself and my future, but how can I be happy when the future is so bleak? All I see is years of not being able to get a job, not being able to buy a house, Sukhvir eventually getting tired of me and dumping me...all I want is a job and a house, and the fact that that may take upwards of 5 years to get is downright depressing, who want want to live with these circumstances? How can I not get a job after all this college? There is something wrong with the system when your education gets you nowhere and nothing! No present in the world can make up for this garbage-
Life: Congratulations Seana! You have earned a year full of working at the carlyle at less than your worth serving cheap mofos, having no money, no time, isolation from your friends and boyfriend because of your schedule, an eternally messy room and bad chi b/c you share with Jill and have no space to yourself or to your clothes, buying x-mas presents for people who don't want anything and are ungrateful and undeserving, an entire year of doing pointless b-s busy work that they claim is for a MASTERS degree, profs giving you A-'s instead of A's because you don't kiss their butt and tell them how wonderful they are, and then applying for jobs and not getting them because of all the idiotic do-do head education majors who dont know why the seasons change!!!! Thanks life!
On the other hand, lets try and find a pro to this upcoming year:
Pro: I will have my masters degree
Con: It's worthless, I won't get a job anyway, no wonder nobody has respect for a masters, now I have a whole new view of so called "educated people"(not all, but too many are MORONS that have the money buy their way to the degree)
Pro: I have a wonderful boyfriend
Con: I won't get to see him because we are both going to school and working and he will prob dump me b/c we will never see each other
Pro: I have a nice car
WOW! I finally found one that cannot be refuted or negated with a con! I love the dogs, but they are going to die, people change and are mean to you, but cars are forever as long as you take care of them. My goal is also to go to Australia next summer, IF I have money... thats a big IF b/c during student teaching you are not able to work a real job...All I have to say is GOD PLEASE HELP ME GET THROUGH THIS!!!
Life: Congratulations Seana! You have earned a year full of working at the carlyle at less than your worth serving cheap mofos, having no money, no time, isolation from your friends and boyfriend because of your schedule, an eternally messy room and bad chi b/c you share with Jill and have no space to yourself or to your clothes, buying x-mas presents for people who don't want anything and are ungrateful and undeserving, an entire year of doing pointless b-s busy work that they claim is for a MASTERS degree, profs giving you A-'s instead of A's because you don't kiss their butt and tell them how wonderful they are, and then applying for jobs and not getting them because of all the idiotic do-do head education majors who dont know why the seasons change!!!! Thanks life!
On the other hand, lets try and find a pro to this upcoming year:
Pro: I will have my masters degree
Con: It's worthless, I won't get a job anyway, no wonder nobody has respect for a masters, now I have a whole new view of so called "educated people"(not all, but too many are MORONS that have the money buy their way to the degree)
Pro: I have a wonderful boyfriend
Con: I won't get to see him because we are both going to school and working and he will prob dump me b/c we will never see each other
Pro: I have a nice car
WOW! I finally found one that cannot be refuted or negated with a con! I love the dogs, but they are going to die, people change and are mean to you, but cars are forever as long as you take care of them. My goal is also to go to Australia next summer, IF I have money... thats a big IF b/c during student teaching you are not able to work a real job...All I have to say is GOD PLEASE HELP ME GET THROUGH THIS!!!