Has it really been that long?
It has been almost forever since I have been here to post anything. I've been keeping snipets of thoughts in a written journal in hopes that I will have something of a record of my postpartum period. It is so ridiculously hard to find 15 minutes to sit and write anything. That will be a plus of going back to work. I will be able to get online and do things. It is amusing that I need to go back to work to have more free time. What does that say about my job?
At any rate, things are slowly finding a rhythm here at home. Aeowynn tends to sleep for 3 1/2 to 4 hour stretches at night. It is fabulous. I do not feel like such a zombie all day. I think the hormones have worked their way out my system for the most part also. I no longer feel like I am going to erupt at everyone about every little thing. I don't like being sad and depressed. Even though I knew it was hormones, it was still tough. I am not one to sit around and be sad. I get on my own nerves when I am like that. I was unable to do any of my usual depression breaker things like going out for drinks or going to get a mocha and browsing the bookstore. I basically had to hang about, know I was sad, know there wasn't anything to be done, know it would eventually pass, but sit there and wait it out. Interesting feeling.
There are so many things that I wasn't prepared for. I read, listened to advice, researched everything I thought would help me post-baby, but the reality was something so much different. Splendid, agonizing, wonderful, and stressful. I think the PP journal is so important so I will be ready for baby number 2. The main things I will change next time: Board the dogs! (whining dogs plus whining baby drives mom insane), have Mike take two weeks off work (dealing with other kids while dealing with newborn also drives mom insane), figure out better breastfeeding plan (see next post).
I have 2-3 more weeks of maternity leave. It all depends on when the daycare can get the baby in. They are somewhat vague with giving me a date. Britt was telling me that daycare centers are typically vague because parents are insane and they don't tell you stuff unless you ask specifically. I guess I will have to call and try to get them to nail down what is going on so that I can devise a plan for returning to work.
In other news, Friday will be my first post-baby outing. My mom is going to stay with the baby while Mike and I go to Fletchers for his show. I am excited and nervous. I desperately need to go out sans baby, but I am worried about my mom with the baby. I don't think anything will happen, but I am still worried because I won't be here. It will be good though. I think I will come home and feel much better after having some big girl time. I've also decided to go to the beach with the girls in October. Initially, I was not into going because last year was such a disaster. I think the mix of people this year will be a lot better. There are no stupid 21 year olds, everyone is married and/or in a relationship so there will be no drama about trying to get laid, and there are enough people going that I will not have to babysit anyone who decides to drink to much and act like an asshole. Mike will have the weekend to be a full time baby caretaker. I think that will be good for both of them. I have noticed that I am the one that seems to do everything for and with her. Mike adores her and spends time with her, but the caretaking seems to fall to me by default unless I ask him to help. My mother said that is typical of fathers and that they become more actively involved as the baby gets older and can interact more. We'll see. I told him over the weekend (when I wanted to go to Horrorfind and couldn't, bastards) that it seems as though my life is the only one that has changed to revolve around dirty diapers and nothing else. He asked me what I expected. I told him that it took two of us to make her and both of our lives should change. If I am the only one making sacrifices it isn't fair. I got no response on that. We'll see if he thinks about it.
At any rate, things are slowly finding a rhythm here at home. Aeowynn tends to sleep for 3 1/2 to 4 hour stretches at night. It is fabulous. I do not feel like such a zombie all day. I think the hormones have worked their way out my system for the most part also. I no longer feel like I am going to erupt at everyone about every little thing. I don't like being sad and depressed. Even though I knew it was hormones, it was still tough. I am not one to sit around and be sad. I get on my own nerves when I am like that. I was unable to do any of my usual depression breaker things like going out for drinks or going to get a mocha and browsing the bookstore. I basically had to hang about, know I was sad, know there wasn't anything to be done, know it would eventually pass, but sit there and wait it out. Interesting feeling.
There are so many things that I wasn't prepared for. I read, listened to advice, researched everything I thought would help me post-baby, but the reality was something so much different. Splendid, agonizing, wonderful, and stressful. I think the PP journal is so important so I will be ready for baby number 2. The main things I will change next time: Board the dogs! (whining dogs plus whining baby drives mom insane), have Mike take two weeks off work (dealing with other kids while dealing with newborn also drives mom insane), figure out better breastfeeding plan (see next post).
I have 2-3 more weeks of maternity leave. It all depends on when the daycare can get the baby in. They are somewhat vague with giving me a date. Britt was telling me that daycare centers are typically vague because parents are insane and they don't tell you stuff unless you ask specifically. I guess I will have to call and try to get them to nail down what is going on so that I can devise a plan for returning to work.
In other news, Friday will be my first post-baby outing. My mom is going to stay with the baby while Mike and I go to Fletchers for his show. I am excited and nervous. I desperately need to go out sans baby, but I am worried about my mom with the baby. I don't think anything will happen, but I am still worried because I won't be here. It will be good though. I think I will come home and feel much better after having some big girl time. I've also decided to go to the beach with the girls in October. Initially, I was not into going because last year was such a disaster. I think the mix of people this year will be a lot better. There are no stupid 21 year olds, everyone is married and/or in a relationship so there will be no drama about trying to get laid, and there are enough people going that I will not have to babysit anyone who decides to drink to much and act like an asshole. Mike will have the weekend to be a full time baby caretaker. I think that will be good for both of them. I have noticed that I am the one that seems to do everything for and with her. Mike adores her and spends time with her, but the caretaking seems to fall to me by default unless I ask him to help. My mother said that is typical of fathers and that they become more actively involved as the baby gets older and can interact more. We'll see. I told him over the weekend (when I wanted to go to Horrorfind and couldn't, bastards) that it seems as though my life is the only one that has changed to revolve around dirty diapers and nothing else. He asked me what I expected. I told him that it took two of us to make her and both of our lives should change. If I am the only one making sacrifices it isn't fair. I got no response on that. We'll see if he thinks about it.