a day in the city...
So, In light the subjects of my last entry, I decided to try and piece things back together a little bit. I pondered heavily the things that were bringing me down. Here's what I uncovered:
-Being alone is not a bad thing. I rediscovered my love for people watching, quiet reading, sipping coffee in ambience, and just being.
-The main source of my unhappiness is/was my immediate surroundings- my house. The negative energy and vibes were swallowing me whole-making me this angry person who lost all drive to be happy and engage in enjoyable activities. Solution: Leave the house.
-I looked for alternative means of expressing myself that did not include fighting with my father. As a result, I have begun to write. A Lot.
-I finished a painting that took me a long time to start, and i remembered what it felt like to go through the whole process of the painting. It's done, it's beautiful, it's a gift, I'm happy.
I also came to terms with something very important- everyone needs a sanctuary...a place to escape to. Mine is the Starbucks in Canton.
I ALSO applied to some more jobs...in hopes that someone other than a seedy vitamin company will hire me and i can work a secure job this summer. I REALLLLLLY want to work at Chesapeake Wine Co. It's perfect for me, i love the location, love the crowd, love the business.
But not everything is hunky dory- The fact of the matter is, it's almost mid-June, and i havent started really working yet. So at this point, my only shot at making a lot of money this summer is working two jobs on a regular basis.
I dont even care if i have a social life- the money will motivate me.
More money=moving out next year.
Yesssssssssss.
so today, after i had an eye appointment, i drove to Canton for some coffee, then to Patterson Park (LAME) to write, then to Fells to look through the hippie stores that have, to my disappointment, lost a lot of their hippie flair. Oh well, it was fun to traipse around and pretend like i had nothing better to do. I really didnt, i suppose. I wasnt called to sub this morning. Bummer.
the eye doc gave me these drops that made my eyes blurry after about 10 minutes, and it didnt feel weird to look at things far away, but up close, things were REAAAALLLLLY blurry. As soon as i walked outside, the sun nearly blinded me. I had to wear sunglasses because it hurt so bad i couldnt keep my eyes open! To make matters worse, i didnt want to go home, but it really wasnt safe for me to drive. I did anyway....idiot. I looked in the mirror, and from what i could see, my pupils were so dialated that i looked sick. Or looked like i was on mega drugs.
That was three hours ago. My vision is still blurry and my pupils are still huge.
I'm feeling very self-conscious.
-Being alone is not a bad thing. I rediscovered my love for people watching, quiet reading, sipping coffee in ambience, and just being.
-The main source of my unhappiness is/was my immediate surroundings- my house. The negative energy and vibes were swallowing me whole-making me this angry person who lost all drive to be happy and engage in enjoyable activities. Solution: Leave the house.
-I looked for alternative means of expressing myself that did not include fighting with my father. As a result, I have begun to write. A Lot.
-I finished a painting that took me a long time to start, and i remembered what it felt like to go through the whole process of the painting. It's done, it's beautiful, it's a gift, I'm happy.
I also came to terms with something very important- everyone needs a sanctuary...a place to escape to. Mine is the Starbucks in Canton.
I ALSO applied to some more jobs...in hopes that someone other than a seedy vitamin company will hire me and i can work a secure job this summer. I REALLLLLLY want to work at Chesapeake Wine Co. It's perfect for me, i love the location, love the crowd, love the business.
But not everything is hunky dory- The fact of the matter is, it's almost mid-June, and i havent started really working yet. So at this point, my only shot at making a lot of money this summer is working two jobs on a regular basis.
I dont even care if i have a social life- the money will motivate me.
More money=moving out next year.
Yesssssssssss.
so today, after i had an eye appointment, i drove to Canton for some coffee, then to Patterson Park (LAME) to write, then to Fells to look through the hippie stores that have, to my disappointment, lost a lot of their hippie flair. Oh well, it was fun to traipse around and pretend like i had nothing better to do. I really didnt, i suppose. I wasnt called to sub this morning. Bummer.
the eye doc gave me these drops that made my eyes blurry after about 10 minutes, and it didnt feel weird to look at things far away, but up close, things were REAAAALLLLLY blurry. As soon as i walked outside, the sun nearly blinded me. I had to wear sunglasses because it hurt so bad i couldnt keep my eyes open! To make matters worse, i didnt want to go home, but it really wasnt safe for me to drive. I did anyway....idiot. I looked in the mirror, and from what i could see, my pupils were so dialated that i looked sick. Or looked like i was on mega drugs.
That was three hours ago. My vision is still blurry and my pupils are still huge.
I'm feeling very self-conscious.