This may come as a surprise...
I'm not quite grasping how I am feeling as of late, so I'm going try a little stream of typing in hopes that it will be somewhat cleansing.
I think it odd that life can go from everything you hope for to shambles in a matter of a few hours. A lot of the time, I think it's the people that surround me. I don't get to see the people that I really wanna see MOST of the time, and that's shitty. More than ever, lately, whenever I'm around people who are obnoxious, self-centered, or just plain selfish, I tend to harbor a great deal of resentment towards those people. I think part of the problem is that I cannot just walk away and be done with them, but rather, am stuck pretending to like them, with nowhere to run and hide.
As I try to see the brighter side, I realize that some of these people have everything that they want. This further enrages me. Doesn't anyone have to work hard or be rejected anymore? Is nothing sacred?
ARGGGGGSSGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGDSGFODKGOKLD:GDVNBBBBBBBBDKJFKDKDKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!
Still trying to see the brighter side, I begin to think about the coming weeks. Yes, while I DO have a lot on my plate, I'm being showcased at the same time. I will receive departmental honors for the work I'm doing on the side, and a hefty degree and a ticket to NY for the work I've been doing otherwise. I'm making badass jewelry in my class, the weather is getting warmer, I might have a house for the summer, I've made some new friends, I have a NEW JOB, and I'm minus 2 shitty jobs....
I guess I do have a lot going for me.
I know it's not nice to complain about your lot. Believe me, I'm really not. IN retrospect, some people have it SO MUCH HARDER than me, and the sad thing about those people is that they don't even realize it yet.
As things come to a close here at school, I guess what I want sometimes is to just be left to my reading, writing, painting, jeweling, whatever it may be...I don't want to know about the things that can hurt me, and ALWAYS do...I just want to not feel that stuff anymore.
Bottom line, I don't wanna be sad all the time. I don't wanna feel like I'm missing out on something wonderful, when really, I'm just caught up in something awful.
That will be over soon.
This entry may not have made a lot of sense, but it sure felt good to write. If you made it to the end, thanks.
I think it odd that life can go from everything you hope for to shambles in a matter of a few hours. A lot of the time, I think it's the people that surround me. I don't get to see the people that I really wanna see MOST of the time, and that's shitty. More than ever, lately, whenever I'm around people who are obnoxious, self-centered, or just plain selfish, I tend to harbor a great deal of resentment towards those people. I think part of the problem is that I cannot just walk away and be done with them, but rather, am stuck pretending to like them, with nowhere to run and hide.
As I try to see the brighter side, I realize that some of these people have everything that they want. This further enrages me. Doesn't anyone have to work hard or be rejected anymore? Is nothing sacred?
ARGGGGGSSGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGDSGFODKGOKLD:GDVNBBBBBBBBDKJFKDKDKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!
Still trying to see the brighter side, I begin to think about the coming weeks. Yes, while I DO have a lot on my plate, I'm being showcased at the same time. I will receive departmental honors for the work I'm doing on the side, and a hefty degree and a ticket to NY for the work I've been doing otherwise. I'm making badass jewelry in my class, the weather is getting warmer, I might have a house for the summer, I've made some new friends, I have a NEW JOB, and I'm minus 2 shitty jobs....
I guess I do have a lot going for me.
I know it's not nice to complain about your lot. Believe me, I'm really not. IN retrospect, some people have it SO MUCH HARDER than me, and the sad thing about those people is that they don't even realize it yet.
As things come to a close here at school, I guess what I want sometimes is to just be left to my reading, writing, painting, jeweling, whatever it may be...I don't want to know about the things that can hurt me, and ALWAYS do...I just want to not feel that stuff anymore.
Bottom line, I don't wanna be sad all the time. I don't wanna feel like I'm missing out on something wonderful, when really, I'm just caught up in something awful.
That will be over soon.
This entry may not have made a lot of sense, but it sure felt good to write. If you made it to the end, thanks.