(no subject)
Ok I'm going to give this Live Journal thing another try.
I have a lot to say. Most of it is good but not all of it. I have been seeing a therapist for help in dealing with my grief and my other issues. I will always love Allie. But it is time to move on with my life. My therapist has been working with me on staying with things. I know that a large part of my looking and going off to something better is because of my father. I don't talk about him because he's an asshole and what he did fucked with my head. Not to mention the rest of the family's heads.
Good old dad. He didn't even want to be a father.
The last time I was interested in someone, I really messed up. I left her for her best friend. I destroyed a friendship and two women's hearts. I haven't been able to forgive myself or make amends. I was just in love with both of them and I couldn't make up my mind. How can a person be in love with two people at once?
Though all the talks my therapist and I have had, I think its safe to say that if its an easier road I usually will take that one instead of staying and working things out. She needed me and instead I let her down. I broke her heart. I took her friend away from her and I didn't mean to. I didn't mean to hurt her. This is why I've not been dating.
I want love. Aleta was willing to give it to me. She was in love with me. She was there for me and listened to me and encouraged me from the first day we met. I took her flowers and out to nice places. She is an incredible woman. Something happen though. Her best friend had gotten into a really bad relationship and was having big issues. Aleta got depressed and was just upset all the time. She became someone else! It spooked me and I ran. Only I didn't run far. There was Megan having a rough time of it and she was flirting with me and one thing led to another and we ended up sleeping together. I found the more I knew Megan the more I wanted to know her.
I didn't want to hurt either of them. Megan even suggested that we maybe do a threesome but I was against that. I really hadn't done it and at the first sign of trouble which was an argument Aleta and I got into. I broke things off with Aleta and started to see Megan Only. It tore them apart. It tore ME apart because it was my fault. Aleta was more and more depressed. Megan was sad stressed out and depressed and I just couldn't handle it any more.
So I bailed after a while. I feel like an asshole. I made promises to both of them and then I broke their hearts.
I have a lot to say. Most of it is good but not all of it. I have been seeing a therapist for help in dealing with my grief and my other issues. I will always love Allie. But it is time to move on with my life. My therapist has been working with me on staying with things. I know that a large part of my looking and going off to something better is because of my father. I don't talk about him because he's an asshole and what he did fucked with my head. Not to mention the rest of the family's heads.
Good old dad. He didn't even want to be a father.
The last time I was interested in someone, I really messed up. I left her for her best friend. I destroyed a friendship and two women's hearts. I haven't been able to forgive myself or make amends. I was just in love with both of them and I couldn't make up my mind. How can a person be in love with two people at once?
Though all the talks my therapist and I have had, I think its safe to say that if its an easier road I usually will take that one instead of staying and working things out. She needed me and instead I let her down. I broke her heart. I took her friend away from her and I didn't mean to. I didn't mean to hurt her. This is why I've not been dating.
I want love. Aleta was willing to give it to me. She was in love with me. She was there for me and listened to me and encouraged me from the first day we met. I took her flowers and out to nice places. She is an incredible woman. Something happen though. Her best friend had gotten into a really bad relationship and was having big issues. Aleta got depressed and was just upset all the time. She became someone else! It spooked me and I ran. Only I didn't run far. There was Megan having a rough time of it and she was flirting with me and one thing led to another and we ended up sleeping together. I found the more I knew Megan the more I wanted to know her.
I didn't want to hurt either of them. Megan even suggested that we maybe do a threesome but I was against that. I really hadn't done it and at the first sign of trouble which was an argument Aleta and I got into. I broke things off with Aleta and started to see Megan Only. It tore them apart. It tore ME apart because it was my fault. Aleta was more and more depressed. Megan was sad stressed out and depressed and I just couldn't handle it any more.
So I bailed after a while. I feel like an asshole. I made promises to both of them and then I broke their hearts.