(no subject)
I have to be at work at 10:30 in the morning but dammit once again but I can't sleep. I think alot of the time I can't sleep at night just based of the fact that I know I have to drag my ass out of bed the next day. Now you're probably thinking that doesn't make any damn sense but since when did I make any sense dammit.
Work was a bitch today, So many Batman theatres to clean it made me want to puke. When you go into work with no sleep it tends to kill you a whole fucking quicker. Well after work Chris and Jill wanted me to meet Jills friends that works at Publix. I wasn't walking into this with much enthusiasm mainly because she was 17 her parents had her on a 9:00 curfew. Well I decided since Jill wanted to give it a shot I would go ahead with it anyways. I went to the mall and the girl was about a 4 or 5. Nothing was really clicking with her. Infact come to think of it we didn't talk the entire time I was there. I did however keep making jokes especially when we went into Victorias secret, I picked up a thing and said that there was no way my balls would fit in that and had everybody laughing their asses off. But like many other girls I just didn't click with her.
Come to think of it I don't click with alot of girls. The ones I did click with usually shot me down even before I asked them out (I had no idea I was that transparent). So after tonight me and Fillmon took a drive at night to discus what the problem might be. He brought up several good points, He was right about several things. The mission to turn more positive has to come from every angle not just one. That means I have to give myself more credit then I do. One of the things Fillmon says is that if I see a pretty girl walking down the street I think I have no shot because i'm not good looking enough to be with a good looking girl. So that creates problems and if I do work up the courage to talk to them my best trait which is my personality falls dead I start to stutter then eventually feel defeated. The only problem with that feeling is that it makes it more and more difficult to go back and try again. Nobody likes the feeling of defeat, I don't give a shit how much confidence you think you have. What I need to do is get my courage back, I mean its not like I'm walking into the battle of Thermoply where the Spartans knew they were all going to die at the hands of the persians. I'm going up and talking to another human being that breathes and bleeds the same way I do. I'm going up to another person that takes a crap everyday just like I do. Once I come to terms with that I think that I will be unstoppable. The noyl question now is where do I meet these girls?
Work was a bitch today, So many Batman theatres to clean it made me want to puke. When you go into work with no sleep it tends to kill you a whole fucking quicker. Well after work Chris and Jill wanted me to meet Jills friends that works at Publix. I wasn't walking into this with much enthusiasm mainly because she was 17 her parents had her on a 9:00 curfew. Well I decided since Jill wanted to give it a shot I would go ahead with it anyways. I went to the mall and the girl was about a 4 or 5. Nothing was really clicking with her. Infact come to think of it we didn't talk the entire time I was there. I did however keep making jokes especially when we went into Victorias secret, I picked up a thing and said that there was no way my balls would fit in that and had everybody laughing their asses off. But like many other girls I just didn't click with her.
Come to think of it I don't click with alot of girls. The ones I did click with usually shot me down even before I asked them out (I had no idea I was that transparent). So after tonight me and Fillmon took a drive at night to discus what the problem might be. He brought up several good points, He was right about several things. The mission to turn more positive has to come from every angle not just one. That means I have to give myself more credit then I do. One of the things Fillmon says is that if I see a pretty girl walking down the street I think I have no shot because i'm not good looking enough to be with a good looking girl. So that creates problems and if I do work up the courage to talk to them my best trait which is my personality falls dead I start to stutter then eventually feel defeated. The only problem with that feeling is that it makes it more and more difficult to go back and try again. Nobody likes the feeling of defeat, I don't give a shit how much confidence you think you have. What I need to do is get my courage back, I mean its not like I'm walking into the battle of Thermoply where the Spartans knew they were all going to die at the hands of the persians. I'm going up and talking to another human being that breathes and bleeds the same way I do. I'm going up to another person that takes a crap everyday just like I do. Once I come to terms with that I think that I will be unstoppable. The noyl question now is where do I meet these girls?